Not telling things to people

[enterthechair]

A lot of the time, I avoid conversations or prefer not to answer things because telling people information can cause me to feel triggered if they bring it up again. I feel like whenever I open myself up to people, I regret it and feel stupid.

Like if I tell someone I have a date, a job interview, or some kind of social event. And then, for whatever reason, things don't work out. Then every time someone brings that up, that replays in my head.

Like if a job interview doesn't work out, I re-experience jobs I've had in the past, or I vividly remember the 100+ jobs that rejected me and I start to feel worthless. Then, I get 4 people ask me "how is XYZ going?". Those people have good intent; they care about me and want to start a conversation. But it makes me repeat those feelings a few times.

I'm okay with accepting failure. I'll take the loss. But when I do I just want to accept it, learn from it and move on. I feel when it's constantly being brought up again when I just want to move on.

I feel like maybe I should have some kind of rules. I'll only tell people about someone I'm dating until we've had like 3 or 4 really solid dates. I'll only tell someone about a job when I'm hired and fill out the paperwork. I'll only tell someone about a social event or a vacation like after it happened.

 

[Movingforward10]

It sounds like working on building your self esteem might help more? Otherwise the core issue will always be there.

 

[Survivor3]

I can understand putting those caveats in place. For sure, I get it. But at the same time in life its good not to be so sensitive about things. Otherwise you'd go nuts.

 

[enterthechair]

It sounds like working on building your self esteem might help more? Otherwise the core issue will always be there.

Yeah. It fluctuates a lot. I wouldn't say I have a low-esteem. Just that I feel like I'm doing a lot of things wrong and I don't know why. I feel like I have a lot to offer and a lot of potential, but I'm not great at conveying it.

I feel like I can be a good employee, but if I'm not great at the resume, applications and interview, no one will ever know.

Same with dating and friendships, I feel like I have potential to have great relationships, and at the same time, me being shy, autistic, nervous at first, I feel like that's causing me to mess things up before I even get a chance to really express myself.

And it's like what's the point of having self-worth if no one else thinks I'm worth anything.

I feel like there are good qualities inside of me, but for whatever reason, I don't know how to make use of them.