Dissociation Explained

[Abstract]

Shall correct what I said actually now that I read your response, Anthony! I meant that psychiatrists are usually not therapists/counsellors but of course some are and are therfore focussed on a therapuetic relationship as well as diagnostics/meds.

Glad you have been helped, Muse.

 

[way_back_when]

I'm really glad I found this thread. The break down really helps me understand dissociation more and gives me additional insight into my own episodes, which happen often.

 

[way_back_when]

They don't remember their different alter egos. So, there are varying degrees to it. And I think IMHO that someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder has a much bigger mental health issue than someone who dissociates with PTSD alone.

It's difficult for me to say whether the mental health issue is bigger. I guess because there are so many different people and situations. My mother was diagnosed with DID. She suffered severe trauma since early childhood. I was always on edge and scared as a kid. Even when I had happy moments there was always anxiety about what would come from her next. It is definitely intense and scary.

 

[victoria]

I am wondering if anyone freezes fairly regularly with dissociation; or possibly looses control over specific muscle groups just for a moment or two. For example not being able to speak or on occasion falling if standing or walking.

Hi Abstract,

What you describe happens to me a lot, I've been diagnosed with Conversion Disorder, as well as PTSD. CD is your body physically reacting to emotional stress. I try to speak, and nothing will come out. I have frozen periods, when my body refuses to move. Falls are a common occurance, mostly I fall backwards. My CD causes a "bizarre" movement disorder, which is completely psychological. (Also have problems with walking, seeing, hearing, neurological stuff) It is interesting that dissociation may be at the root of this. By the way, I don't mean to imply that you have CD, just saying what happens with me.

 

[Abstract]

Victoria! It is sooo nice to speak to someone else who has this!
I need to speak to my t more about it but guess what? I struggle to speak in t! Am getting there now though. Mostly drawing pictured!

I basically know it is dissociative as it sometimes starts or ends or co occurs with other dissociative symptoms.
I certainly don't have all your symptoms and have to say they must be a pain!

The speach issue is the most common. The falls happen fairly rarely but I have injured myself quite badly before. I will be standing and the next thing I know I am hitting the ground.
Also drop things as have not got proper control of my hand for example. I do have a very common dissociative symptom where I cant focus my eyes properly and everything therefore looks slightly out of focus. Assume that is a "usual" dissociative symptom though.

What I read about it was interesting. That dissociation includes motor control and these incidents can be due to that.

Do you have periods of time without symptoms?

 

[victoria]

Hi Abstract,

Yes, I can go for days, sometimes a couple of weeks, with no symptoms of CD. If there is a stressful event going on, I most likely would make it through without symptoms. It would be after I was home and usually alone that the symptoms would appear. The CD is sporadic, never really able to predict when symptoms will be at their worst, I work on managing the symptoms.

I try to be prepared for all situations. I shop online, and when I go to pick up my order in the store, I have my name and address written down, if I'm not able to speak. There is a explanation of CD in my purse at all times, but I've not had to use that.

I've only hurt myself once from falling, somehow my subconscious knows which direction I should be falling. It must be scary for you to fall and be hurt. I'm sure that you'll be able to speak more and more to your T as time goes on. Great to get to meet you!

 

[justin]

I cant focus my eyes properly and everything therefore looks slightly out of focus.

Trying to learn more about disassociation until recently i have been using my own words for what i experience and my T has been going along with that as to not complicate things .

I directly asked him about it and turns out he thinks many things experienced are different forms of disassociation. Not fully connected to my thoughts or emotions only remember some traumas or only certain parts of it ie. no sound, no pain, or no emotions. Now what you said has made me curious i notice i have vision issues now near sited outside trouble seeing peoples faces or reading signs but sometimes it is much worse to the point where i have trouble reading something on my desk or my computer screen only sometimes but when this happens using my glasses for seeing things farther away seams to help.

Anyone have some input on this? I am thinking my mind may think because i am putting my glasses on i will see better so i do, even though the glasses do very little for seeing things up close normally. I also had this issue before getting the glasses last year and it started right after my 3 year isolation realizing i had a problem and seeking treatment.

 

[Philippa]

I never realized this was what I was doing, even though I had heard of dissociation before I'd experienced trauma.

The guy I ditched a few months ago would always tell me I was "ditzy" and dizzy for saying stuff that came out stupid, and I do have a tendency to stare into space and get lost in the patterns I can see in the carpet and bathroom tiles, walls etc.

This was really helpful, especially learning that it can happen even after one traumatic event that may not even be as severe as some of the more heinous sexual abuse and incest cases there are.

There is always this part of me that tries to talk myself down because I wasn't made to eat worms on the floor as a child or locked in closets or basements and tied up and beaten or raped by my father.

I've had so many people tell me that I don't know what pain is, or I have nothing to be grieving about, when they don't even know what I've been through, just because they know people who have been through even worse things...as though it is a competition, and you don't rate unless you've been through incest or regular beatings etc.

I believe every persons reality is their own, and no one has the right to tell anyone that their pain is somehow not real because others have experienced even worse things, and this article about dissociation has validated that belief for me that even " lesser traumas" can affect a person in profound ways, and survival and coping mechanisms, like dissociation, are activated for all different levels of abuse..

 

[Iam]

I hope you have never experienced anyone here negating your experiences Philippa. Trauma is trauma. I'm glad the article validating what you already know. We all need that validation. It seems most of us here seem to negate our own experiences, at least at first, like somehow we should be able to have been able to prevent the pain we experience from it. Let alone having "let" it have progressed to PTSD. You didn't ask for your trauma to happen and I am quite sure you don't want the resulting symptoms. I am so glad you are here ;o)

 

[J.C.]

I have CPTSD and do not have a personality disorder. Well. I was diagnosed with CPTSD by two doctors going on seven years ago. I have been through a lot of therapy and counseling--this was not all bad. There was a lot of useful excellent help in the mix. I had/have anger with the T & C who just added more abuse to my pile. So, I like to think, (kindly step in and correct this if I am in the wrong) that I have worked my CPTSD down to a low level of PTSD. However, I keep on encountering traumas...I am a freak magnet. I work on not drawing them to me. Boundries are key.

Thank for posting the article Anthony...This sums up and captures all my studies on this subject so consisely. I have done the 1-6. I have no idea if I did the 7 but I don't think so.

I always knew I was creative and intelligent but never let it go to my head. However somehow no matter how I tried to block the you are: "stupid" "crazy" "freak" those poisonous words got in and harmed me. As an adult though, those words still hurt but I do not believe a word when I hear them. This is when the truth sets me free.

 

[Iam]

I had/have anger with the T & C who just added more abuse to my pile. So, I like to think, (kindly step in and correct this if I am in the wrong) that I have worked my CPTSD down to a low level of PTSD. However, I keep on encountering traumas...I am a freak magnet. I work on not drawing them to me. Boundries are key.

Hi J.C.,

I too I have CPTSD and do not have a personality disorder. I am sorry that we have that in common. Sorry for both of us, but so glad that we have the ability to manage our PTSD ;o)

You said to "kindly step in and correct this if I am in the wrong" so am taking your invitation. I seriously doubt you are not a "feak magnet" for encountering traumas. I believe that is your PTSD talking. That type of dysfunctional thinking is so common for those of us with PTSD.

I just finished reading "The Clinician's Guide to PTSD". At the end of it there are guide forms for preventing relapse into full blown PTSD (or in our case C-PTSD). One of the examples is for when another stressor or trauma happens. Your thought of being a magnet is specifically mentioned. It says to reframe the thought and ask yourself "Am I putting myself in situations in which I can be re-traumatized?" (e.g. walking home down a dark alley at night) It could be anything. It is very common for adults who were victims of childhood trauma to make the mistake of not gauging dangerous situations accurately. So ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. If the answer is yes, figure out what you can do to keep yourself as safe as possible without using avoidant behavior.

I hope you are not offended by my response. I just hate to hear you thinking that you are a magnet for trauma with no control. You are in control of your life and that is good news!

 

[J.C.]

Hi Iam,

Thanks, not offended, glad. This "Freak Magnet" started off as joke...but it's actually not very funny at all, it's rather sad. I use humor to cope at times...not always as that would be avoidance I am not an avoidance type (A little but not too much) I've known for a long time to desensitize the pain it takes re-encountering it in a safe way.

"Am I putting myself in situations in which I can be re-traumatized?"

I ask this of myself often a have been asking this since the biggest attack I endured about seven years ago. Hard as heck to quantify what the biggest attack was. Too many.

So yep, last summer I put myself in a dangerous situation...I really thought I was amongst friends. Had known them over five years. Well the creeps just waited me out...gave me a mickey (drugged) beer at a show. I escaped no SA occurred they didn't even touch my body. I crawled out of the venue. Sat down outside and rode the mickey out. Well, one thing is cool about PTSD it can save your life, this is truth. I was so red alert mode that a mickey barely phased me...I just was too under the influence to drive and had to wait. Could not walk to the car, too far. Cell phone was in car...oh no more danger zone...I convinced the predators that I believed I fainted from heat exhaustion and dehydration...I'm in AZ, it was summer. So easy to get them to buy in on that. So I stayed warm and got them to spill info...

What I will never do, is go against my cardinal rule of accepting an opened drink w/o seeing it be opened. I relaxed this rule that I never break...a part of where the anger stems I let myself down by trusting when I had a funny gut feeling that someone was being too nice...ya know when someone is too nice...that always sends up a red flag in me.

I am very sorry that you have CPTSD too. Thank you for your empathy and understanding. Cyber hug to you. :)

I get a lot of good out of this forum.

Thank you again and thanks for sharing your good info.

JC