I Need Validation: A Rant

[ronin47]

Anthony is right Squeak, I don't think you fully appreciate just how dangerous of a position you put yourself in that first night. You could've very easily been raped.

The next time someone pressures you that much tell them they need to leave you house or you will call the police. End of story. You must give respect in order to warrant recieving it, and this man has clearly given you zero respect right from the beginning. Making you feel guilty is the first red flag, and a big one. You are under no obligation to explain anything to him after the way he has behaved. Yes, your lack of assertiveness may have been interpreted by him as a genuine lack of aversion to his promiscuity, but he is obviously not the kind of person any girl should be in a relationship with, regardless of their self esteem levels. Neither of you have a good sense of boundaries right now, you do not need to have any communication until you do.

 

[Sqweak]

Chivalry is dead!

Haha, wurd:cool:

 

[The Albatross]

For myself Sweak, I thought I had a big neon sign above my forehead for many years "drug addicts, alcoholics, abusive men, and perverts: Come Here". I had to examine my patterns and proclivities before I was able to bust out of the cycle for 50% better (my husband of 20 years now)... but a lot of things, for me, were like these sharks smelled blood in the water. A hell of a motivation to do some work, eh?

 

[Sqweak]

A hell of a motivation to do some work, eh?

Oh, absolutely Especially for me. I never realized until recently that I'm my worst problem for sure. I also walked around feeling like I was covered head to toe invisible ink- labeling me the free ticket every Jackass is looking for. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing a lot better until something like this happens and then I end up beating myself over the for not seeing it coming sooner. -___-

 

[Sqweak]

Anthony is right Squeak, I don't think you fully appreciate just how dangerous of a position you put yourself in that first night. You could've very easily been raped.

No, no I understand perfectly well, intellectually that is. However, the emotions that should follow like fear and then atonement- don’t register and I know this. Sometimes I'm so convinced that I can handle it, whatever it might be that I would throw myself in to a burning building to find my house key. I've been very good about not communicating with this person despite how guilty I feel, it's been difficult but I'll get over it.

 

[Philippa]

Sometimes I'm so convinced that I can handle it, whatever it might be that I would throw myself in to a burning building to find my house key.

I get this too sometimes. I'm guessing you are quite young...like late teens early twenties? That sense of invincibility is quite strong at that age (if you are at that age?)

Working through the victim mentality that may have been set up in you from a young age would be advantageous, because right now, you literally ARE wearing a neon sign for every creep to come and take advantage of you...not trying to scare you, but coming from that mentality sends out unconscious fear signals that predators can smell a mile away.

Becoming aware of the signals you give out, as you are now, is the first step towards changing them and making more conscious choices. Working through the thoughts in your head that are victimy would be wise as well.

Anthony is right, and it's something I had to learn as well, to not allow people to manipulate us is the best way to prevent these things from happening. It's not your fault that he chose to behave this way,but it is your responsability to make sure you don't let him or any other guy manipulate you or control you, because they really have no power over you unless you allow them to.

Still learning to implement this advice myself, though I am getting better. It's hard when your self-esteem is low, but that's where you need to start.

So don't worry...I'm there with you.