General What Can We Do - Our Own Super Little Boy Of 5 Is The Trigger For My Husbands Ptsd

[Sunshine71]

Dear all

What can we do - our own super little boy of 5 is the trigger for my husbands PTSD.

We are at our wits end.

My husband doesn’t want to even get better at the moment as it is just all too much.

If you can please help.

Yours, a devastated mum and wife

 

[The Albatross]

Seek support and if need be seek a safe place for you and your child. My husband, when I wasat my worst, had to head to safety. It sound's harsh but it's called a "consequense". Inappropriate behavior when rewarded or tolerated, sets up the risk of being repeated.

In my case, I raged until my marriage was at a crisis point. When he bailed, I had to choose. I chose my husband and sought help.

 

[AngelaMarie]

That is so difficult. When my son was born he was also a trigger for my husband. He was so so angry when I loved my son, when my son cried. I alway watched and made sure everything was in control, that his temper didn't go overboard. Hang in there. Big giant (((Hug))) and lots of understanding.:oops:

 

[BloomInWinter]

Sunshine,

Can you safely give my details? I don't want to give an opinion without knowing more about the reality of the WORST moments you're experiencing. When kids are involved, ittruly is important to have sunlight on the worst, do harm-reduction on that, thwn work from there, IMO.

Are you both physically safe at all times? Emotionally? Do you have support in your face to face life?

((((Sunshine)))) - Better days are ahead. May you find support, comfort, healing, and hope here.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks so much everyone - I am so grateful for you being there.

OK - a deep breath....

20 years ago a little boy died after running out in front of my husbands car. My husband was only 19 at the time and we were going out togther - now married and just turned 40.

I wasnt there but it was very traumatic, gruesome - he was holding the boys hand and telling him things will be OK the doctors is coming while people were throwing glass bottles at him. They were obviulsy shocked and this is how they re acted.

We got on and he seemed to be fine during these past years.

The PTSD flared up a few years ago and then when he was hurt in a hit and run car accident a year and half ago things just well turned to hell.

He went from a caring great guy to trying to cut his eyes out, having hallucinations, flashbacks, sleep walking, terrible mood swings and more. He went from taking a multi vitamin to anti depressants, heat medication (he had a heart attack 6 months after the hit and run)

Our son was in the car at the time of the hit and run accident and these 2 events have got jumbled up so now when my husband sees our son he is reminded of the little boy who dies 20 years ago.

The boy was just 8. playing by a busy road while his parents were in the pub.

My husband is now suicidal. He just wants to be a daddy and is so depressed and guilty for not being able too.

With out me and our son he says he would not be alive.

He has never hurt us psychically, but the shouting and black moods are terrible. He said that he doesnt even want to get better now - it is too painful. On a good day things are bearable on a not good day its hell.

I dont know how to be around him when he slumps down - I cant leave him by himself.

We just want a normal life but it is like something out of a horror film.

Thanks again - I hope to hear from anyone who can help and I also hope that the replies will help others.

Thank you.

 

[Sunshine71]

Seek support and if need be seek a safe place for you and your child. My husband, when I wasat my worst, had to head to safety. It sound's harsh but it's called a "consequense". Inappropriate behavior when rewarded or tolerated, sets up the risk of being repeated.

In my case, I raged until my marriage was at a crisis point. When he bailed, I had to choose. I chose my husband and sought help.

Thanks for sharing this. I want to support my husband as I know none of the things are his falut and he is a super guy. I am scared that at the moment if I say no more and walk out he really would end his life.

I will take this on board and speak with him when he is in a better frame of mind. Thank you so much.

 

[Sunshine71]

Sunshine,

Can you safely give my details? I don't want to give an opinion without knowing more about the reality of the WORST moments you're experiencing. When kids are involved, ittruly is important to have sunlight on the worst, do harm-reduction on that, thwn work from there, IMO.

Are you both physically safe at all times? Emotionally? Do you have support in your face to face life?

((((Sunshine)))) - Better days are ahead. May you find support, comfort, healing, and hope here.

Thank you.

My husband has been having CBT and now EMDR - I cant see an improvement - he is at rock bottom again - we go to the doctor who is supportive but other than that nothing else. I am not sure what else there is. I have been seeing a counselor too. All fine until things hit rock bottom and then all the support/ advice really goes out of the window.

We are in the UK.

I hope that we are physically safe - although over the past few days I have seen changes that I never thought I would.

I would never think he would hurt us. BUt then I would never have thought he wanted to end his life.

Thanks so much for your support.

 

[Sunshine71]

That is so difficult. When my son was born he was also a trigger for my husband. He was so so angry when I loved my son, when my son cried. I alway watched and made sure everything was in control, that his temper didn't go overboard. Hang in there. Big giant (((Hug))) and lots of understanding.:oops:

Thanks so much Anglea Marie.

May I ask was it a jealous reaction or was it even more too?

My husband cant take the tantrums and crying - It takes him back to the car accident of 20 years ago when the little boy died.

Thank you so much for being there.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Sunshine,
It was extreme jealousy. It was jealousy because I loved my son so very much and gave him so much attention. My hubby does not even remember his mother hugging him, putting him on her lap, telling him she loved him. She told him that she should have given him up for adoption at one point. I think he was so confronted with the truth he couldn't handle it. Some times when I am with my boys and we are laughing and talking and they hug me and cuddle he looks so confused. Triggers from traumas are difficult, aren't they?

I am glad I was here for you. You can reach out to me anytime you need. That is what this forum is about!!!!! ((((HUG)))).:)

 

[OKRADLAK]

Sunshine, This is tragic and my heart aches for you, your husband,and your little boy. Always let your little boy KNOW that daddy is sick and not evil. The child will better understand if he knows 100% this has nothing to do with him, but that his dad has a problem with the brain or however you want to couch it.

That is just my opinion. Your husband must be in terrible terrible pain and not being able to be the father he wants to be must just hurt him more.

I cannot say if it is best to keep the boy there, though. At some point, it will bleed down to him. Kids are effected by PTSD and it can cause them problems ........maybe you need to talk to a psychologist if you feel safe with one, on how it may effect the child.

I cannot give advise, really, but just things I think. I hope you come to a solution for the sake of the boy. He really has to come first now. He cannot understand!

 

[The Albatross]

Sunshine, I wish there was more to do than be supportive of you and you're so very welcome.

My last traumatic break I was very fearful of suiciding or hurting my spouse. I did neither but it was really scary for a while. I'm keeping your family in my thoughts (and prayers if it's okay) cuz I can't think of any other way to be of good use. Positive vibes never hurt anybody, right? /grin

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks Albatross & Okradlak - and to everyone for your kind words.

My husband is the most fantastic guy you could ever wish to meet - the PTSD of course has changed this.

I hope and prey that we will get back on our feet - It is a dark place now.

Thanks for being there everyone and I hope I can help someone when things get better for us.