Trying To Not Be So Isolated

[CreativJ]

Ive been so socially isolated for so long.

I think its very sad, you are on your way! You have taken the first step and the second and the third. I feel like and I could be wrong, but you have been rejected a time or two by those that don't understand what your going through and not only does it cause those feeling of rejection, but also that of abandonment. Those are painful issues for me and I don't have PTSD. I hope that this site and forum gives you the confidence to be authentically you in whatever state you are in at any given time. It's all about respect and understanding others in their current position and what I have quickly learned about this site is that their is much respect, understanding and compassion. It's quite healing and I am growing. I hope the same happens for you.

I have to say that whether you have this illness or not, we as people tend to be self absorbed and some have a fear that if we connect with you or those we don't understand it will reveal the fact that they are more similar to you than you think or they want you to see. You just don't hide yours or mask it behind something false in order to be accepted. This means that you want to heal. In term of those therapist, your right, there are some that are good,but there are some, like in any profession, there for the money and the prestige. Some of them have coping skills to learn themselves, so its like that for all of us. My hope is that you find a safe haven for healing and learning to cope so you live your life to the best potential, we all know, you can. Life is a journey and you did not come up on this site by accident. Thank you for your courage to speak your truth however shy you are. You have a place where no matter how soft your voice is, or how shy you are, you will be heard (read) and acknowledged, and to me that is what all humans want. We want to be acknowledge and heard and to feel like we matter. You do matter, even when your day is hard and you feel like no one's listening. You matter.

 

[Cheshire]

Other than echoing the sentiments that everyone has already voiced about you not being alone, all I have to say is welcome, and I hope you find some peace here. :)

 

[Bordo66]

Im so miserable, lonely & depressed.

Same here mate :(

EDIT: welcome I guess...

 

[CreativJ]

Im so miserable, lonely & depressed

Know that this is a venue for you to release your woes and pains and be heard. I was having a hard day a couple of days ago and this site really helped. If there is something triggering you, I hope you realize that it will get better. I am hoping that you know your worth in this Universe and how important you are to others. At times like this when I am feeling as down as you are, I find someone I trust to talk to, come on this site and get solace from others kind words or do something that nurtures me, that I enjoy. Hopefully your are being tender with yourself during this time and knowing that you are meant to be in this world and exist to teach others by speaking your truth, feel better Bordo66, but realize, it is okay to feel this way as long as you give yourself the chance to get out of them and work through then in a rational way. Blessing.

 

[anni]

I think you'll probably find you'll slowly become more adept at communicating also. You seem to be flowing well in your post, and made me smile with 'I don't make tiny furniture'. That was just funny so thank you. I have to say I would admire anyone who could do that but it would drive me into a frustrated frenzy, I think, concentrating on all those teeny bits! Suffice to say I don't make tiny furniture, either. :)

I'm glad you're feeling at least comfortable being here. Please take your time, go at whatever pace feels good to you at the moment and continue to find some peace and perhaps healing.

Take care,

Anni

 

[i think its very sad]

I feel compelled to try to at least learn the terminology, in case I find a therapist.

From what I can gather, you all seem to be so aware of what is going on & have terms that you all understand to describe it. As an example: the triggers ( have no idea, the stuff just comes and goes), the emotional flashbacks ( still no sure about that), even all that stuff about the inner child and the critic thats been around for years( I have no inner child and I can decide whether the things my mother told me are true or not but I cant stop the fact that I believed every bad thing she said for many years. Its like I discovered all the faulty thinking patterns, got rid of them and now have absolutely nothing inside left to take its place. I just sit here trying to find something to do when everything and everybody is gone.

The only happy times Ive ever had were when my children were here and I was taking care of them & seeing that no one hurt their feeling. I hate to say it but its cruel that they had to grow up and leave home. I dont relate to them as adults any more than I do to any other adults. I miss their little happy smiling faces & they are really gone forever.

One of my sons is married and lives in Illinois where he and his wife go to graduate school & they are building the next largest computer in the world. They know all there is to know about todays largest computer in the world, exactly where it is and their friends are the people who know how to do this. They are very busy & far, far away.

My other son is in surgery somewhere teaching a neuro-surgeon how to install a neurological stimulator into a human body and where to put it to control pain. He's very busy and Im not braging about them.

But these are not the little children who believed I was the smartest person in the world and had all the answers and could read their minds. I can barely follow what they are talking about. So, they are gone forever.

I no longer live where everyboby knows me & has known me all our lives. Im at an age where the few friends that I kept in touch with have died & I just dont know how to make new friends at all.

So, thank you all for being here. A little understanding goes a long way. I have to go rest.

 

[Bordo66]

Well mate, I don't really have some1 (well my psychologist but only see him once every 1-2 weeks)to talk about it I am simply too ashamed of my problems. I always have this fear that people are gonna laugh at me. I really feel lonely, I feel lonely when: I'm in the bus, in the class, eating dinner, playing games, hanging out with mates.

My biggest problem is I can't really connect with girls, I'm never sure when they like me. I always think they talk to me because they are forced for some reason. When people are talking about ex gf's I always go super quiet because I simply never had a gf before.

 

[Abbi]

{Warning: My opinion based on nothing academic but my experiences; being my own and the experiences I have had working with others.}

Sad, a competent therapist isn't going to need you to know terminology. They will just need you to be open, honest and complete the assessment tools to the best of your ability. (If they don't assess you I would be wary of their competence) They don't need your diagnostic capabilities....ahh you don't have any. Start the process, simple as that. To get a good assessment you don't need to tell them you have "flashbacks" - you need to describe to them -What happens? - How often? - What you feel?

Its like having a chest pain and walking into the Cardiologist office and saying " Doc I had the symptoms and have decided I have an Aortic dissection, when are you scheduling me for surgery?" How credible would a cardiologist find your diagnosis? You may be right, but you will get to a proper diagnosis and treatment quicker if you say "Doc 2 days after a car accident, I am began having severe pains in my chest and upper back with nausea." Get my point.

Don't worry about anyone's awareness. Some folks here have a lot of knowledge yes, is it anything more than anecdotal to you in getting a diagnosis and beginning to establish a therapeutic relationship... No.

For example: inner child is at best a modality used by "some" trauma T's not all, and even some that dont know jack-crap and just read the book...lol. You don't have to have an inner child. At this point, you have no "need" to know a thing about it, if your T chooses to use it as a modality your T will educate you on it or may provide materials that do that.

I don't know, I may be completely wrong. I have been a LOT in my life. But seems like the effort spent in trying to get "up to speed on PTSD" could have gone into setting up an appointment. You sought out this forum because you believe you have a problem...now go do the basics of finding out what the problem is and how best to address it.

Then use this forum for support, information and a sounding board. Good luck and wishing you a healing journey.

 

[Abbi]

Im so miserable, lonely & depressed.

Keep working with your psychologist, it gets better. Many times worse before it gets better but this too shall pass.

Oh you will hate me saying this, but you are young the whole 'girls' thing will happen all in due time. Females really aren't aliens, you can talk to them just like the are regular people. Think of them as your "mates" try friends first maybe? Secret: and sometimes they laugh cause its what silly girls do when they are uncomfortable themselves when some devilishly handsome man talks to them.:p

 

[Bordo66]

Well I know they arent aliens, I can talk to them. Make jokes around them, but whenever I have to make an actual move this feeling inside me blocks me every f*cking(sorrh for swearing) time. I remember in my first year of high school I wanted to ask a girl to dance I ended up with a hyperventilation attack, heart going in and out of my chest, my eyes were total blacked out and I couldnt breath. Since that day I have this fear to ask something more of a girl

 

[i think its very sad]

Im very sorry you had the panic attack; it is horrible. I know what you mean about being lonely around a mob of people. If these girls talk to you like you are a friend, they like you; and the more time you spend talking to them the more comfortable you'll feel. Dont worry about pushing things along, the best relationships develop naturally over time. There's no shame in not having a past complicated by a lot of failed relationships. It's a choice you make and sometimes the emotional baggage that you're left with can cause pain & problems. You just feel left out because you can't make the choice right now. I know you've heard this before but when the right girl comes along, she will help you make the decision to have a serious relationship together.
Just be open to being introduced to as many girls as possible and smile at them. Girls like to talk a lot & they like guys who have a good sense of humor.
Now, if you ride them around in a BMW and have a bottomless trustfund, there is a possibility that they dont really like you; they just like to play with your toys.

 

[i think its very sad]

Anni, you can make tiny furniture if you want to. There are free tutorials in blogs all over the internet. Some of it is just amazing and fascinating but some of it is really easy once you learn the trick to it. These women devote their time to sharing what they've learned on blogs that are very entertaining even if you dont want to learn how.

Please let me know if you want to learn a specific thing. Its a fun hobby and doesnt have to be expensive. Of course it can be very expensive but a couch and chairs and beds are just cardboard, old fabric, glue & stuffing. My kids, even my sons loved having a mom who's a toy maker & we all played with dollhouses. Its even easier now that we have printer. You'd be amazed at what these women make with just paper scissors and glue.

I've been following their blogs for years though, lurking around. I never join, I just dont think they would feel that they have that much in common with me.