Help

[Tina]

I've been feeling suicidal for awhile now.....I just feel like I will never get better. I feel all alone like no one understands what I'm going through. I'm seeing a new therapist on Thurs that specializes in PTSD but Thurs seems so far away and even then I know that it will take time to get relief. Just not sure how much I have left in me to keep moving forward.

 

[ronin47]

Stay strong honey. Everytime you feel like hurting yourself, tell yourself, "Not right now, maybe later." Keep yourself busy. Find things to take your mind off of the depression like cooking dinner instead of ordering out or cleaning. I know it's a dark and lonely place where you are, but trust me, many people know exactly what you're going through, myself included. I've been in that place where you lose all perspective and the world just seems like one great big black hole. However, there is a way out. You've made an immense step by finding yourself a T that will hopefully fit you better. Yes, it takes time, but don't think about that. Try not to think about what the future holds. Don't think about anything beyond the rest of the day. Some may dispute if this is really helpful, but when I was going through a particularly rough patch and honestly felt like it was only a matter of time before I took my own life, I went through each day thinking about crawling into bed at the end of it. Once I was in bed I tried to just mentally immerse myself into that place of comfort and imagine I was going to stay there in bed forever with nothing whatsoever to worry about. That was my thing that I looked forward to every day, and it kept me going until the end of each day, until I reached my turning point.

I imagine others have already told you about the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. I've gone through phases where I was calling them twice a day on average. It became a routine almost. They may talk to you and try to help you figure out some ways to occupy yourself and get through the next few hours if you're feeling particularly low.

Remember, I'm here too ;). You are welcome to message me at any time for any reason. I've been where you are and I've become pretty efficient at getting out of it.

 

[The Albatross]

Might be worth a call to see if you can get on a "cancellation list"... if you can get seen sooner than Thursday great.

 

[livergirl70]

Hi Tina,

I know what it's like, trying to get through an evening sometimes is bad enough. Im with Ronin47 you need to try delay tactics, try and distract yourself with something. I used to be like if I still feel this way when I've finished the ironing, then find something else, like paint the ceiling, wash the kitchen floor or whatever needs doing. Because you are only focusing on a short time period it somehow feels a bit easier to deal with and I normally end up tiring myself out physically that I sleep for a few hours and then start again. Just hang on in there.

 

[anthony]

I've been feeling suicidal for awhile now.....I just feel like I will never get better... ...I'm seeing a new therapist on Thurs that specializes in PTSD

Feeling suicidal is perfectly normal with PTSD... it is just that though, a feeling. What you make of it, is up to you uniquely.

Your dwelling on the negatives only right now, try looking for the positives. For every negative you can write down, find a corresponding positive thought or action to counter it.

 

[Tessa]

Hi Tina,
There are many here with you who have walked this lonely path and there is a light ahead. Just one small step at a time . We are here with you as you wait for your session on Thursday.
Hugs.

 

[Nighthawk]

You are not alone.... There are many of us here that have been to that dark place. I know you can do it as many of us have. Take it a moment at a time if need be. Find something just one thing to grab hold of and take control if you can. Things are so hard were you are I know I was there for a long time. Please PM if you want or need to talk.

NH

 

[cherryblossom]

Keep writing Tina. These feeling will pass. And yes, they may pop up again. But we are all here to support each other. Just take it one hour at a time, if necessary. Thursday will soon come around, just hang in there and ride this time out.

Take care
CB

 

[Tosh]

Your post took me back to how I was feeling a few months ago, when I was trying to get help. I felt exactly the same way. I ended up making an appointment with my general practitioner (I didn't have to wait too long). It made me feel a little better cause he prescribed a SSRI medication. The meds take time to work, but I knew there was hope that I wouldn't feel that way forever. It also helped me to journal what I was feeling. It helped release some of the negative thoughts and just get them out of my head. While I was waiting to get help I also ended up at a spiritual church service. I never said a word during the service, but one of the members picked me out of the crowd and told me "Life's really not that bad." I was thinking "yeah right! your not me!" but I see now that he was right. You are so close to getting help, hang in there. If you are really scared of hurting yourself, you could go to the ER. It took me a few visits to a therapist and the meds, but I started to feel better. Learning to live with PTSD is a process for me, but I have hope now, and maybe you will have some hope too, cause it will get better......

 

[OKRADLAK]

Keep checking in here! That can help! Don't give up on the cusp of getting help.....help is hard. Take this time to prepare your mind and get ready. Once you get help, you can find hope again. Please just be very gentle with yourself in the meantime and take 15 minutes at a time ................

 

[alixipain]

Your in the right place. I have a a daily battle with the thoughts of suicide. Some days stronger than the others. But as our beloved leader here stated :

Feeling suicidal is perfectly normal with PTSD... it is just that though, a feeling. What you make of it, is up to you uniquely.

Your dwelling on the negatives only right now, try looking for the positives. For every negative you can write down, find a corresponding positive thought or action to counter it.

Its rough, focus on just the hours ahead of you, get away from what maybe triggering your thoughts, get your mind off the junk in your thoughts, do things to keep your mind working away from the thoughts. Remember your here, you have made it this far in proving your brain its wrong and your right. Fighting the thoughts at times is exhausting, but getting to smell freshlly bloomed flowers is well worth that fight!

 

[Bordo66]

Hey Tina,

I have the same issue for some time, I'm always afraid im reaching a breaking point. Well I once reached it and was attempting cut my wrist with a saw, well I was trying to cut it. Dont know if its fortune or not but the saw wasn't sharp enough. I would probably be a hypocrite if I would say dont commit suicide but for some reason... Hmm how am I going to explain this, for some reason... Errr... For some reason we have to live! every day is a hell for me, I ask myself why do I have to live a life like this and does every one in my direct surrounding have a normal life. Why do we have to suffer? All I can say is find a reason a live and think IF I manage to get through this I can take on the entire world.

Dont know if this is positive I got some tears writing this but we have to go on.