What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

I did take it for a long time, and then I just decided that it was my main goal to work on respecting myself more and learning to be more assertive and not let her f**k with my head anymore or put her emotional blackmail bs on me anymore...I've asked her plenty of times in the past to stop bitching about dad to me...she just keeps doing it. I even said "you can go and pay a counsellor like I had to" and she actually said to me "But I have you for that" Those were her exact words. She has no problem whatsoever in using me as her personal dumping ground, but I'm supposed to feel bad about not letting her. She can f**k right off!:mad:

I don't know what to say about that except I was the emotional garbage bin in my family. I keep setting myself up for that in my current life but I am working on not doing it again.

I admire your pluck, courage and feistiness! I could never even think it through as clearly as what you are doing at this time. I do think that is amazing.

And it is healthy not to feel bad about not letting someone dump their stuff on you. But when it is your mother the layers of complexity is so very hard. I never even managed to get to where you are - you are doing good!

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

It really is...and I'm so grateful to you for acknowledging that. I feel so relieved that someone gets it, and is there for me, and isn't trying to make me feel bad or like it's my fault, or I'm rotten or bad for not feeling like she deserves my attention or the money it takes to call her. She's a dumb bitch, and she acts like I don't deserve HER! I hate her so much right now.

It is not your fault. And I wish you felt better than you do. But the nature of the situation and the machinations of both your parents is to make sure you don't feel better because if you do - well you might not stick around to be the family scapegoat and they might have to actually deal with some of their stuff or dump it on someone else. It takes a lot of time and energy to train someone up to be in the scapegoat position.

ms spock

 

[Philippa]

I don't know what to say about that except I was the emotional garbage bin in my family. I keep setting myself up for that in my current life but I am working on not doing it again.

I admire your pluck, courage and feistiness! I could never even think it through as clearly as what you are doing at this time. I do think that is amazing.

And it is healthy not to feel bad about not letting someone dump their stuff on you. But when it is your mother the layers of complexity is so very hard. I never even managed to get to where you are - you are doing good!

ms spock

I think you're an incredibly kind person. You have always put the focus on my reality and not turned it back to your own, even if you have not been able to achieve this so far. I hope it can provide you with the inspiration you need to get there one day, and believe me if I can do it so can you (yeah, I know, it's been said to death). I just have a lot of fire in me (Leo with a Leo sun rising), and I'm quite determined to transform this family dynamic...whatever it takes.

 

[Philippa]

It is not your fault. And I wish you felt better than you do. But the nature of the situation and the machinations of both your parents is to make sure you don't feel better because if you do - well you might not stick around to be the family scapegoat and they might have to actually deal with some of their stuff or dump it on someone else. It takes a lot of time and energy to train someone up to be in the scapegoat position.

ms spock

I'm just so amazed at how supportive people here are. I've never experienced it before, so it's just awesome to be here to receive such kindness from folks here.

You totally get it too! It's all about THEM not wanting to face up to their shit...well, I'm sick of carrying all their shit and mine just because they are too cowardly to look! It's time they did, so maybe me and my brothers can actually be happy for the first time in our miserable lives. I told my brother the other week, I refuse to continue being the scapegoat...and I think he heard me, even if it was just SMS.

Maybe on some level they are both scared that if I relinquish the role of scapegoat, one of them will get it instead...so they are just as invested in keeping me down. My little brother has just been so horrible to me over the years. I can't remember a single time when I was around him when he wasn't just totally mean and horrible to me at some point, and then tell me he's sorry later and that he loves me:rolleyes:.

I can't thank you enough Ms Spock. No one has ever said it so clearly to me...and I've known this about them for so many years now. Thankyou for helping to expose them with me. I feel great relief, so understood, and much better..plus I just ate something really yummy, so that helps;)

 

[ms spock]

I think you're an incredibly kind person. You have always put the focus on my reality and not turned it back to your own, even if you have not been able to achieve this so far. I hope it can provide you with the inspiration you need to get there one day, and believe me if I can do it so can you (yeah, I know, it's been said to death). I just have a lot of fire in me (Leo with a Leo sun rising), and I'm quite determined to transform this family dynamic...whatever it takes.

Oh Phillippa,

I so admire the clarity and insight you are managing around your family. I could never do what you are doing and think like you are doing around your family.

I have completely cut off from my family because they are insane, dysfunctional, cruel people. The only role I was allowed was the scapegoat. So for me, in the end letting go was I needed to do. I so relate to you weighing it up back and forth.

Your ability to think it all through is quite amazing.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Maybe on some level they are both scared that if I relinquish the role of scapegoat, one of them will get it instead...so they are just as invested in keeping me down.

I think that is the crux of the matter - they are invested in keeping you in the scapegoat role so they don't cop what you cop. Because what you are copping is not a whole lot of fun.

And you can call them on that too. You could theoretically say to them. "You had better be careful because if I go then one of you will get the crap I am getting. You know that you might be the next scapegoat in the family.

Anyway on this one I am great with the theory but was the rabbit in front of the headlights on most occasions. I simple couldn't do any better than I did. And I did not manage it at all. It is really crazy making stuff. Well to be fair to myself, I managed not to kill myself after seeing them and that was a major achievement.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I'm just so amazed at how supportive people here are. I've never experienced it before, so it's just awesome to be here to receive such kindness from folks here

I have really felt similar feelings whilst being on this forum Phillippa.

 

[ms spock]

You totally get it too! It's all about THEM not wanting to face up to their shit...well, I'm sick of carrying all their shit and mine just because they are too cowardly to look! It's time they did, so maybe me and my brothers can actually be happy for the first time in our miserable lives. I told my brother the other week, I refuse to continue being the scapegoat...and I think he heard me, even if it was just SMS.

Wow you can articulate it and speak to your brother about being the scapegoat. This is pretty good you know! I feel so pleased for you.

And I do get it - what you are describing with your family is eerily the same dynamics in my family. This is why I can feel so impressed at how well you are doing with this situation. It is really hard what you are doing.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

so im probably not in the right place i was wondering where i could find some people to bounce some of my issues off of and get some fed back just like to apploigise if barrging in like this in the middle of your conversation

Well please have your say! This is a feeling thread!

And you are most welcome this is not Phillippa's or my thread - we just started discussing things.

I hope you are ok.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

My little brother has just been so horrible to me over the years. I can't remember a single time when I was around him when he wasn't just totally mean and horrible to me at some point, and then tell me he's sorry later and that he loves me:rolleyes:.

I feel for your brother as he learnt this behaviour from your parents. It is a really abusive behaviour. The whole I love you thing is just a way of getting away with mean and horrible abusive behaviour. This is not okay. He is using you as the scapegoat as well.

ms spock

 

[triggers 1]

Lets see overwhelmed, stressed, distant, confused, tired of feeling sad all the time, hurt and all around depressed

 

[ms spock]

Lets see overwhelmed, stressed, distant, confused, tired of feeling sad all the time, hurt and all around depressed

So you are having a tough time of it triggers!

ms spock