Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[anthony]

Its part of therapy training... one of the first things, but the stupid thing is... therapist are trained not to push and upset their clients, instead to respect them and encourage them. Encouragement unfortunately doesn't get secrets out... getting into a person face and upsetting them gets the truth out real quick...

 

[Lionheart]

I had a feisty therapist that convinced me to spill my guts and dump my dirty little secrets. I didn't hold back and today I am grateful for it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can only think it requires a combination of humility, guts, encouragement, momentum and kindness.
You're only as sick as your sickest secrets, so the onus is on one's self (the sufferer), is how I see it.

 

[angel2write]

No, but only because I very recently let go of my most deeply-held secret. I hadn't told any of the previous people, hadn't really told my husband.

But it wasn't because she got in my face, Anthony. She was helping me, kept making me feel safe. She responded to my needs. If I said I had trouble with too many questions (made me flash on being interrogated by parents) she asked less questions. If I got nervous, she moved her seat back. If the computer screen saver was too distracting, she shut the monitor off... and then remembered to shut it off for future sessions. She kept telling me I wouldn't shock her or upset her no matter what I said. She was gentle. Easy to trust. Responsive.

So I told her. And broke, and threw something in her office. And freaked out. And she wasn't shocked. And it was ok. We're still working up to being able to talk about it, because I still freak out whenever we get too close... but we're getting there.

 

[anthony]

I should clarify my prior statement... this is used initially, not when the person has come a long way already and holding onto only one secret, as you outlined angel... one secret does damage, yet, but you eventually seen that for yourself. Pushing is required initially to get past the foundation of bullshit, the wall a person puts up initially, to quickly ascertain the truth. This would not be correct for relationship counselling, quite the opposite, only for abnormal trauma that results in PTSD.

 

[angel2write]

This would not be correct for relationship counselling, quite the opposite, only for abnormal trauma that results in PTSD.

Just made me snicker a bit. What would a NON-abnormal trauma look like? :D

I'm just kidding. I think I know what you mean. I've lived with my mess forever and a day. I lost any illusions that I didn't need help when I was about sixteen. But you get someone who's only had stuff happen recently, and they try to bury it under a lot of faking and false coping and stuff. At least I think that's what you're talking about. Like getting an alcoholic to admit they have a problem that perhaps needs some attention. Sometimes that takes a brick to the head.

 

[anthony]

Whilst I get the funny side of that, the irony... there actually is a definition for the difference between trauma and abnormal trauma. The difference is whether it is normally expected within life or not.

For example, it is considered normal that you will die. It is considered normal that you will endure peer pressures during school years, ie. bullying, fighting, teenage rebellion tasks, etc. The list is long and extensive, which can be traumatic, but they are expected events within the normal scope of life. Even minor MVA's are considered normal trauma if you obtain a license or get within a vehicle, ie. the incident did not produce life threatening results.

Abnormally traumatic are events not expected or considered a normal part of life. Rape, torture, combat, serious MVA where fatalities occurred / fighting for life, cancer, etc etc.

 

[Debi]

I really don't understand what makes it so hard to tell. I have gotten through alot of childhood stuff. When I try to talk about the incident around the age of 19...I truly become physically ill, my eyesight is extremely blurry, I become confused. I recently tried CBT and couldn't manage it. I really had high hopes. I have been in and out of therapy for 20 years or more. I don't believe I stayed with a therapist long enough to build a trusting relationship. I have a counselor and therapist, but conversation is always upbeat....no trauma talk...at all.. Actually I wasn't sure how much to tell...PTSD is....no matter how much trauma....it is what it is...right?

 

[anthony]

PTSD doesn't have to be much within your life at all actually... but if there is an event that is causing you significant distress, and this is being avoided, then what do you think your symptoms are being generated from? The event being kept within.

Not being able to express an event is actually a common issue with trauma, and a real shortfall with face to face therapy itself. Its not therapies fault actually, its purely the human ability to first get the issue out, and usually such things are long with lots of key points within, and then the therapists ability to retain the entire story and capture the key points. The only way that can actually be done, is to be recorded, then analyzed. So the optimal method, is to write it out, as that way you control how much you write at once, giving yourself rest inbetween.

Once you have it completely written out, read over it, then add any missing parts that you remember or notice are left out... then give that entire thing to your therapist to read, and tell them you need to begin working through it. You can even do that via places like this with other members... bouncing ideas and getting feedback from others.

Perfectly normal though to struggle verbalizing trauma in therapy... which is why writing is so handy for trauma analysis.

 

[Srain]

I'm working to get them all out.
Rain

What I'm finding out is that this "incident"...TRAUMA, is one the corner stones to the breaking of my personalities into a tiny million pieces as a person. I rewrote a major part of my life over it and never spoke of it again until this past year. For a person who seemed so open and 'honest' in therapy this seems so odd. I never considered it was really anything of an issue, just brushed it aside. However it happened to have changed the whole course of my life.

Keeping things, even things you think may have no baring on anything, might be a good idea to run past your tdoc just to get a 2nd opinion. Just a suggestion. I spent years holding onto holding something needlessly. that was tearing me up inside out.

...but that's just me.

 

[Ruth09]

Yes. I have PTSD from a peacekeeping mission.

However, my T has kept on digging and started to bring out my childhood tramatic events and additional tramatic events in my military career. I never considered these events as mind altering, by my T does. I'm dealing with a T at Veteran Affairs, trust is a seldom used word. They see so many people that I feel like I'm just another number as if they are hoping the drugs will be a fix and I will just go away. I feel like I'm fighting to be there because I'm a woman (most of the vets are men and there are more resourses for men). And I feel like I'm fighing my T in every session because I feel she is part of a broken system that doesn't want to help me.

I feel that if I truely open up, that everything I say will be used against me to such a point I will no longer be considered eligible for help from the VA. My opinion is that VA may review my records and "change their mind" and determine that my mental state was brought on from event prior to my military service.

I beat myself up all the time about even being at the VA hospital seeking help. I feel like I don't deserve help. I don't belong. I wasn't in combat, so why do I hurt so much? It was only one lousy deployment. Yeah, there was stuff going on there, but why did it effect me so much? These self doubts may be at the heart of my resistance, but I don't know. My ultimate fear is that my darkest memories may be used against me to prevent me any gainful employment. This might be the PTSD talking, but there is some truth to my thoughts in dealing with Veteran Affairs. I'm just afraid of the many "what if's" that bounce around in my head all the time.

So, yes, I keep secrets.

 

[kimba]

I told all and am glad I did as one thing relates to another somehow it seems. Six degress of seperation deal. Also since I am restarting therapy it saves alot of time. The T I have is great and I am comfortable with her.