Losing Time

[Adrienne12]

I guess this would fall into the Dissociation category. I have always been a little bit of a space cadet. Lately, it has gotten a lot worse.

I find it hard to concentrate at work. However, if I am able to focus on something......I am fully into it where I am unaware of my surroundings. If someone disrupts me, I become panicked and lose focus very quickly. Would this be a form of dissociation?

I have also been losing time. Last week, I went to the bank and withdrew a bunch of money. Only part of it I remember is sitting in the car looking at a wad of cash in my hand. I had to have gone in. I don't do the whole drive through thing.

I am missing chunks of my day. There are parts of it, I just don't remember like the drive home from work. I know I drove home from work but I don't remember doing it. I can't explain it. Or I will have a panic attack or an intrusive thought and 2 hours have gone by. I don't know what I am doing during this time. It happens at work and at home. I am afraid to ask anyone at work because I worry what they will think. It's kind of hard to ask someone..."Did you see me between 11 and 1 and what was I doing?"

I plan on bringing this up with the psych. Maybe the meds need to be changed. I am assuming this is pretty common in PTSD since it has its own category. I just want it to stop. I am worried about being on the road and God forbid hurting someone else.

 

[karissa]

Are you having a particularly difficult situation in your life right now?
I have complex ptsd from suffering my childhood with my parents. After college I had to move back and it was reliving it all over again. It got to the point where I was either outside my body or losing time. My mind completely fragmented. My body became separate from my mind (thoughts). If that makes any sense...
Try to ground yourself when you are beginning to get stressed or you feel anxiety coming on. frozen orange, ice cubes, hold hot coffee, count stuff on the wall across from you and focus really hard. Hot coffee works for me. If I am at work and I am having a really bad day, dissociation-wise, I will drink hot hot coffee. I will have it in my hands and recognize the hotness, smell the aroma, sip and feel it on my lips, taste it and feel it go down your throat. So many sensations to automatically having to concentrate and focus on all the strong sensations of the coffee. Caffeine free is fine too. I know it might sound trivial but on a day where I feel foggy and cant concentrate, I get a full pot brewing and drink coffee all day to keep me present. Starting with the lowest dissociation symptoms will most likely prevent them from getting worse. Losing time isn't good and you are dissociating, in my little opinion. Just from experience. Prepare yourself for the day. If you realize it will be triggering or very stressful...be ready with some grounding skills like I said. Try to talk yourself out of it too. Mindfulness.

 

[Amy Jo]

I actually lose a lot of time too, only I don't notice it until someone asks me. Karissa is right about staying present, that always seems to help. But sometimes for me, when you realize you lost time, that during the time you're not aware you're losing it. Know what I mean? Does that make any sense at all?

 

[Adrienne12]

Thank You Karissa. There have been recent changes that could be attributing to it. I do like your techniques. I have used that kind of stuff when I am having a flashback. However, I do have to agree with Amy on the fact that I have no clue when it is going to happen. I don't feel stressed when it happens. Not that I know of anyway. It just happens. I can't stop it if I don't know when it is coming. I am not aware of it. I feel like two separate people sometimes.

I do appreciate your input and for taking the time to reply back to me.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Yeah, I know this feeling. I am in a really stressful situation right now. I am fighting to overcome an abusive situation. I still do all the things I am suppose to do. I get the lunches ready for the boys, iron the clothes, pay the bills, make sure the house and garden is done....then I look back and I have lost hours, sometimes days in my life. It is disconcerting for me but my boys are okay, everything is done and I have to hope eventually I will remember more details in my life.

 

[Adrienne12]

Glad I'm not the only one.

 

[The Albatross]

I do what needs doing then get stuck in "waivering".... like a skip in a record. I seem to be only able to advance in adverse situations when I'm fighting and i hate that.

 

[ronin47]

I think for me concentrating on something is actually very relaxing. Once I am really able to get focused it's almost like a drug that makes me very calm and peaceful, for the very reason that it forces me to block out everything else around me. It feels like my mind doesn't want to stop because of the relief I feel.

I dunno if that makes sense.

 

[Adrienne12]

It does make sense. That is exactly how I feel when I get involved in something and am able to focus. There is no anxiety and it's like nothing else around me exists.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I have only had this happen a few times and it was very strange, but I looked at the bright side. For THAT period I was not miserable. I had a seizure and felt the same. Like GOOD! I was not aware!!!

It is getting better. I do not trust my T at all but I have been doing A LOT of what she said for me to do and it is really helping me to have some good periods. It is like water in a desert.

 

[Ruth]

Hello, I lose time often. I carry a journal around with me and try to write in it every four hours or so. I don't write much other than what I'm doing and what time it is. This has helped me a lot. I also use timers and alarms to keep me on track. I like Karissa's idea about coffee. I've heard that before and it makes sense.

An important part of my PTSD recovery is to not shy away from seeing things I've written that I don't recall writing. I used to get a new journal every few months because the pages looked like they belonged to someone else. I know now that it is my detachment from my emotions that makes me feel that way and that there is simply a part of myself I don't want to look at. Once I started keeping all my writings and reviewing them in a calm open manner, I no longer felt crazy. It's still me 100% it's just a part of me that I wish wasn't there. Wishing is not reality. Once I could accept myself for all that I am and all that I'm not, recovery became a realistic goal and no longer a wish.

I'm glad that I am not the only one that loses time. This forum is really neat, I'm glad I found it.

 

[Jade-]

I carry a journal around with me and try to write in it every four hours or so.

I started doing this last week. I tried writing in it every hour, but that's just too inconvenient, so I try to write at least every couple/few hours. I just jot down what kind of mood I'm in, a brief description of what thoughts are going 'round in my head and where I'm at and what I'm doing.

I'm going to keep it up for awhile, so I can maybe see what's triggering the dissociation. I suffered a couple of injuries last week, with no recollection of how I got them. But when I went back through my journal, I could see an approximate time frame of when they probably happened.For one injury, I didn't have anything written about getting hurt, but I had written down that I didn't know where 5-6 hours had gone. For the other one, my head was hurting pretty bad and had a huge, sore lump on it. I had written that my head felt all 'swooshy'....so it must have been around the time I hit the top of my head. I guess I'm hoping that by being aware of when I dissociate, I can maybe learn to prevent it, or, if nothing else, not feel so confused and freaked out when I all of a sudden realize I have a pulled muscle, a sprained ankle/wrist, a bloody lump on my head or cuts and bruises and have no idea how they happened.

Everyone dissociates. Nearly everyone has times where they don't remember driving home and things like that. But if you're losing chunks of time, have no idea what you have done until someone points it out, etc., then it goes beyond 'normal' and if it's affecting your life in any way, it's best to seek help for it.