Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Gloria]

When I worked as a project manager, I would constantly write this helpful instructions and label them "..... for Dummies". I just wanted to share my experience with internet dating.

First of all, everyone seems to find out that the pictures and descriptions usually are someone's fantasy fo themselves and there are a lot of people who live a fantasy life by pretending to be someone they are not on dating sites. The worst sites are the free ones!

Oh God! There is a movie called "Must Love Dogs" and the main character is divorced and does internet dating and it really shows an accurate perspective on the internet dating thing.

Wow! I read about so many people are lonely. It is difficult to find someone compatible to date but even more difficult for me to meet someone. I have "special needs". I have abandonment issues so I don't want to date recreationally because I get attached. I can't stand loud noises and violent movies so whoever I date has to be aware of this. I can't handle displays of rage or anger so someone can't do that either. Many PTSD sufferers find it very easy to abuse alcohol to get to sleep and dull the anxiety. I don't drink and being around drunk people is is a trigger. But dating someone who is a recovering alcoholic can trigger me because they still have the alcoholic personality and for some reason they just love to talk about their drinking days.

Then there is the fact that I have gotten psychiatric help and been treated. Well, that means that I'm crazy to some people. This is of course absurd because they might be out of control drinkers, gamblers, drug users, shoppers, rage-aholics, etc. but since they never got treatment, they can say that they are "normal". The only normal is a cycle on my clothes dryer.

So besides internet dating, where do you meet someone? Well, recover groups are a good place but I already have enough problems of my own and really don't want to take on somebody else's stuff or be a caretaker.

I would just love to hear other's experiences with internet dating. I feel that it's like you put yourself out there on a on-line catalog. Anyone can just pick you out. Anyone can then pick someone else out. It's almost surreal. I had one experience with a guy that put that put a picture of a model as his profile picture and then tried to scam me for money.

All in all, I think internet dating is not for the PTSD sufferer. Can anyone share their experiences? There are some good experiences but you really have to know what you are doing and be confidant.

 

[Kintsugi]

The only normal is a cycle on my clothes dryer.

This needs to be somewhere, maybe in PTSD jokes.

Internet dating for me was part of self-destruction, and I only did it for a couple of months before coming to my senses. I was looking for danger. I knew that the sites were dangerous. I knew that putting myself up on a site somewhere was basically just encouraging my negative feelings of always being on display for the pleasure of others. It was unhealthy and I knew it. I'm glad I stopped and found a meaningful and healthy relationship in B, my fiance.

But no, I don't see how Internet dating would be "good" for people with PTSD.

Though it might be really fun to make a profile on one of those sites that explicitly lists all of our symptoms and problems, conditions, difficulties, etc.! We could put up a fake picture and just go wild on the profile with PTSD madness. If anyone responded to it, we would know that they were probably really sick themselves. >.<

 

[Gloria]

I used to talk to a male friend from the forum that lives in another country. I asked him to help me write my profile. He made me laugh so hard!! He told me to put down...... "I am a mess. I am terrified of everything and I am looking for a man that will help me cope. It will be YOUR job to make sure that I am happy and feeling healthy. This will be your main purpose in my life. So step up and take the responsibility!".

Ha! Ha! This is actually pretty funny. I have met men on-line who describe as fit, upbeat, educated, etc. Their pictures are 10 years old. One guy recognized me??? from when I worked with him 20 years ago. I was voted least changed at my 30 year reunion so he did recognize me. His picture was 20 years old.

One guy described himself as thin and had a 45" waist. One guy said he graduated from the same college as my son but when he told me his degree, I told him that the college offer a degree like that and that's the last time I talked to him. One guy was very nice about my PTSD but found out he was married and couldn't have sex with his wife ever again because she was in a car accident. I could have sex if I had no legs or arms so I don't believe that.

Then there are people who message and message but refuse to meet you in public? Well, I can just imagine why! Being an intelligent woman, I tried screening men by first talking to them on Skype - body language, appearance, etc. Well, one guy had such bad breath that I couldn't stand to be within 10 feet of him.
Another guy was sitting on some telephone books because he was at least 6 inches shorter than me and lied about his height.

Come on guys and gals, fess up! I feel like bad things always happen to me but I have heard horror stories from people that I met on the internet. For example, if a woman says she is voluptuious, it means she's fat. It a guy says a few extra pounds, usually means obese. Drinking socially can also mean that the person is at the bar every night "socializing". No one puts down their flaws only tries to sell themselves.

 

[Kintsugi]

I only met one guy on an Internet dating site who was really real with me. We used to skype. He looked in his pictures basically how he actually looks, which is impressive because he actually has a condition where he is prematurely balding. He was much older than me (probably by about ten years), and we were not ever going to meet or do anything romantically, so we just talked a lot. He was in love with a girl who was dying. Very sad. He was out of his mind brilliant. Part of me wanted to meet him (he probably lives about 2 hours from my school), but he is crazier than I am so I decided not to.

But some people can be honest! They just may be honest in the way you say your friend from a forum was honest above. Crazy! But honest.

 

[lovinbiker]

Internet dating, Its how I met my D so to me it certainly proved that there are lovely people on the internet sites. We clicked straight away and we both shut our profiles down at the same time. Had many happy times together until ptsd made for an unhappy threesome.
LB

 

[externalsmile]

I tried the internet dating malarky. Went on one date and NEVER again. The guy came across as pretty much perfect on paper. He looked lovely in his picture. In person..... he was an infernal bore and a hell of a lot older than he was letting on, his picture was about 20years old and my God aging wasn't being overly kind to him.

 

[lovinbiker]

In person..... he was an infernal bore and a hell of a lot older than he was letting on.

Wasnt me was it externalsmile :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::laugh::eek::rolleyes::roflmao:

 

[externalsmile]

hahaha! Nah! This fella had a bit of a notion against mental illness too. His ex had very bad depression and he left her because he didn't want to risk having children with her incase they ended up having it too! At the time I was undiagnosed but I knew I had "issues" thanks to my upbringing. God bless him, I would want to risk having children with him incase they turned out to be infernal bores! Would rather some mini nutters like me!

 

[Gloria]

I just met someone on the internet who had a wife who was in mental hospitals for 25 years. (I was elated since I thought he would think I was a walk in the park!) But she did have a child 25 years ago but went into a mental hospital for a year after giving birth. Whether it's nature or nurture, his son is living in a halfway house and is mentally ill.

Relationships, whether you are seriously involved (married) or not are tough. Add alcohol, PTSD, interfering in-laws and dsyfunctional children and it's really tough. Sometimes, on a Saturday night when I have a bowl of popcorn and am watching some old classic movies (with no one talking and asking me what is going on and who the actor is) I like it a lot. Especially in the winter when I don't get dragged out in some skimpy and sexy little outfit to freeze my butt just to have a date.

Hugs all. Oh please share more of your stories!!!
Gloria

 

[SimplyComplex]

I met my husband online and we have been together for over 10 years :D Not a dating site...just a random chat. But the lame part is there is just almost no way to meet and connect to someone significantly healthier then yourself. I always thought my husband had everything together and I was messed up. Turns out we had nearly identical childhoods (different sides of the same coin), he *may* have PTSD or some dissociative issue...but he is very much as "messed up" as I was. Now that I have been getting healthier, he even saw he needed to do some work if he wanted us to stay compatible, so he is in therapy.

I guess that is my only thoughts about dating in general...I think it is in person or online.

 

[mamachick]

Many fakes. The #1 site has so many 50 ish men that are widowed-always real good looking and rich too-think theres a correlation.

I love the one that are about 54, looking to meet someone 45-55, and , has 3 grown kids, and under the question wants children? definately-----from a 45-55 yr old-Really????Not this one
Some have the same profiles in different cities but with a different screen name. Some are just winkers-its free

One guy said he never drinks. Then in his e mail said he stopped for a couple of beers, when I asked him about the inconsistency, he said "I just meant I dont get a drunk" Ummm

My favorite: ugliest man I ever saw
"Physically disabled man seeking attractive intellegent loving sensative woman to physically and financially care for him and his animals"

Favorite things-camping, romantic evening at home, etc=cheap
Education-tell you later=finished the 9th grade
Job-Marketing=sells encyclopedia's
Laid back=lazy
Spontaneous=impulsive

People with trust issues such as myself should not participate in interpreting others profiles. I tried it shortly-not for me

 

[mamachick]

Gloria-I love the idea of creating a profile, that is priceless