What Cant You Get Out Of Your Mind?

[nie]

The smell of fire.

 

[starry-night]

I can't get that last thought out of my mind, before my mind completely splintered.

It was a tiny voice inside my head that said 'how long would it be before someone noticed I was gone'.

And then in barely a whisper 'I don't want to die'.

After that, two weeks of total hell.

I surfaced the other side of it. I remember standing over him, knowing I was about to escape, and all I kept thinking was 'you're utterly pathetic, disgusting'. And I wanted to spit on him. That feeling came from the soles of my feet, from underneath, from the ground.

 

[starry-night]

I can't get the chill of hell from out of my bones. That stare, that stare...inhuman, reducing me to a toy, a doll, robbing me of all my dignity, of all my rights to feelings and thoughts of my own.

I can't get the silence out of my head. No need for words. There was no need for dialogue with me. I was merely the object that facilitated the dialogue in his head.

I had two weeks of it. Every day, constantly. Night and day, constantly. My head spinning off, with hunger, sleep deprivation, shock, fear, isolation.

I wasn't supposed to escape. I wasn't supposed to live.

 

[starry-night]

I can't get the feeling of being utterly alone, totally forgotten by the world, from out of my head.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

My mom calling me a lying bitch and yelling at me for ruining Easter after I told her that my brother abused me, despite the fact that he admitted that he molested me. I relive that at least once a day

 

[mamachick]

I sure can relate to the feeling of being forgotten by the world and completely alone

 

[starry-night]

A feeling of utter desolation. Horrendous.

:(

 

[mamachick]

Rob-Dog that is terrible. Your mom is probably in so much denial as it was her job to protect you and she didnt. I am sorry for what your brother did and how your mom has reacted.
I think we often want validation from parents but may have to accept the fact that we may never get it. So we must figure out how to heal ourselves without that validation and validate ourselves. You know the truth and that is what is important.

 

[Liam]

RobDog that is so awful. I've never told my mom, and it always hurts my heart when I hear of people brave enough to, and then are treated so so terribly.

 

[AliveInside]

I think for all of us, the way out is through(the pain).

 

[just me here]

My mom calling me a lying bitch and yelling at me for ruining Easter after I told her that my brother abused me, despite the fact that he admitted that he molested me. I relive that at least once a day

evidently, Easter is very important to your mother. wow. that alone says alot to someone like myself, having struggled for years with the incredible ability of some "religious" people to only allow the thoughts they have "pre-approved" to cross their minds. That new one, the one about how her daughter was molested, evidently didn't get through on a holy day, did she open up to the idea on a regular day later on? I cannot say I empathize with the molestation, I don't know what that is like, but the stone wall of a strong religion is my area of experience in common. My sympathy to you.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

No, she's really not the religious...it's all about appearances with her...and that sure as hell messed up her image of the perfect family...it took her years to admit that her son did something wrong, and as of yet has not apologized for treating me like i did something wrong. go figure