Finding Like Sufferers - A Disturbing Trend

[Andre]

I am sorry Jen. I slip into being a little terse sometimes. On the technical side I am not sure but I think it takes Anthony's direct action to give a user access to the private section and it may need the forum to be off-line for an hour or so to do it. I received access when the forum was brought back up after being taken down recently for about an hour; I do not know if that is required to give access or if that was a coincidence. I did not mean "approved for access" as doubting your place here or suggesting that anyone would doubt your place here. I am sorry.

 

[batgirl]

For some reason this is really bothering me tonight. Like I said before I agree that it doesn't matter what kind of trauma a person has experienced, we all have PTSD and the symptoms are the same. I'm not pointing the finger at anyone in particular but I think people here still tend to gravitate towards others who have also been raped, or also abused as children, or also are veterans, or whatever. I read it in posts all the time, several tonight actually. And tonight it's pissing me off, because where does that leave ME??? I don't fit into any mold. I don't know anyone else on this board who's had the same trauma as me. So if people are going to prefer to only talk to people who've had similar traumas to themselves then I guess I'm just alone.

 

[cookie]

you are not alone, evie. i have not suffered the same trauma as you, but have the same outcome, and i care about you. like anthony said, none of us has had exactly the same trauma, and i have no interest in comparing my life to anyone else's. but, i think a lot of people are looking for a similarity early on their first experience here to find a place to "fit in", they don't realize yet that they are a piece of the puzzle here, but no 2 pieces are the same. ok, i know this doesn't make much sense--what i wanted to say basically is that i am here for you, batgirl, and so are many others.
cathy

 

[batgirl]

but, i think a lot of people are looking for a similarity early on their first experience here to find a place to "fit in", they don't realize yet that they are a piece of the puzzle here, but no 2 pieces are the same. ok, i know this doesn't make much sense--

Actually that does make sense. Thanks Cathy. I feel a bit better about it today.

 

[Lisa]

i think a lot of people are looking for a similarity early on their first experience here to find a place to "fit in", they don't realize yet that they are a piece of the puzzle here, but no 2 pieces are the same.

That's incredibly profound, wise, and true. I am going to write that one down, so that I remember that.

 

[map9]

Dear Lisa, Then all the pieces will make up a most beautiful scene. A multitude of faces who are all over the world and have this one thing that makes them into a family. Sisters and brothers in a spirit of learning, leaning on one another, helping one another, getting mad at one another and no matter what, loving one another. We have to get out of our own way sometimes! When we do it's amazing how far we can leap in our progress. Overcome some of the longstanding problems we grapple with on a daily basis. By seeing how one of our family members handled a thing then we go and do it too and voila! IT WORKED ... I'm still here and living to talk about it. Crossing those scary places in our hearts. Places we have made sacred because we didn't know any better. Clung to in a desperate attempt to make sense of something that doesn't make sense. Then to come to the realization it was my journey, and there is a reason to why I'm still here. I'm one of the pieces in the big picture. It's a mural, it streches across the length of humanity. This condition we are in makes us feel alone and lonely. When in fact we are one of many. That is a force to contend with, then when the world at large can see with appreciation what this scene shows, there will be a major shift in the reality of all of us as well as the course of human life as we know it. Love, map9

 

[Marilyn_S]

"I can see a disturbing trend beginning from members who believe that they must find someone who has suffered exactly as they have in order to find comfort, reassurance or understanding. Whilst this may seem like a logical thought, it really isn't actually. Under no circumstance should a person divert their attentions to finding someone who has suffered the exact same scenario as what they have suffered, because all this does is create much more stress, often resulting in depression and suicidal ideation, as a sufferer begins telling themselves that they are unique, or that they are somehow different from others." Anthony


Thank you so much for conveying this! You are so right. I have been stuck in a mode of thinking I need others who will understand because they have been through the same trauma. You are right, it is an illusion that will only lead to further frustration. Not that I am saying I should quit my trauma journal. But I understand what you mean about grouping, the soldiers were the perfect example. I feel for them just like I would feel for someone who had a similar experience or experiences to me. We are all human beings who happen to have PTSD. You are right. The focus should not be the type of trauma we experience but that we have all experienced trauma that has altered our lives and we are a community of people who regardless of type of trauma can support one another and collectively tell our stories and acquire healing. Anthony & Becvan!!!!!! Thanks! It helps alot when things are put in the proper perspective. I 2nd nugget, a hand clapp to you and root beer cheers too!

 

[wadoo]

well all I can say... After reading what Anthony wrote about the actual trauma itself...

it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders... no need to focus on the trauma itself just how to deal with the PTSD...

 

[WarHippy1%]

I think people here still tend to gravitate towards others who have also been raped, or also abused as children, or also are veterans, or whatever. I read it in posts all the time, several tonight actually. And tonight it's pissing me off, because where does that leave ME??? I don't fit into any mold. I don't know anyone else on this board who's had the same trauma as me. So if people are going to prefer to only talk to people who've had similar traumas to themselves then I guess I'm just alone.

I can only speak for myself, but I've read almost all of your posts and relate to alot of the emotions you're going through. Almost all of the therapy I've received for PTSD has been in a closed environment of Vietnam Veterans, and that sorta leaves me in the undesirable position of not knowing what to suggest when someone posts about (for instance) binge eating to get their mind off a symptom, or hiding in a corner to feel safe because they saw someone who resembled someone, etc. Even though our PTSD is the same, certain events cause certain triggers, I'm sure that things that trigger you would pass me by untouched, as things that trigger me would pass by you unnoticed. As Anthony pointed out, two soldiers fighting side-by-side are gonna have triggers that aggravate their symptoms completely different from each other. I don't post on some of your posts because I don't want to harm you any more by posting something that may have helped me, but could send you spiralling downward out of control. It's not that I don't feel kinship with you because of PTSD, PTSD has caused us all to band together to fight it and recover. Just as I can spot a fake Vietnam Vet just by talking with them, I think we all can spot a person faking PTSD. Both of us have it and that puts us on common ground. With your post, I sense the common symptoms of feeling "less than" or "different than everyone". Those are symptoms that aren't discussed much, but very much the simplest, most basic symptoms of our disorder. As such, the topic of this thread, I think. But, as some of the Ladies in here will testify, even though I don 't understand how you Ladies think, I still try to intrude on their seeming "Ladies Only" discussions and give my opinion. Anyway, who couldn't notice someone with the screen name of Batgirl. I better end this so I can go to the batroom, HA! HA! HA!
Respect,
WarHippy1%

 

[Monarch]

So are you saying that my story doesn't matter? Why even f$#%$ talk about it then. Am I just wasting my time.

 

[anthony]

I don't believe anyone is saying that at all Monarch... quite the opposite. The way in which we got our trauma is unique from person to person, as I pointed out in my original example. What people tend to do though is believe they will find more comfort from someone who suffered the same, or close too, as they did, which is far far from the truth. PTSD is a neurological change within our brain, classified as an anxiety disorder, and how you got it is irrelevant to how you feel to another who also has PTSD. The symptoms are the same, and that is what bonds us already... when people try and find someone who has suffered the same as they have for understanding, is often causing more anxiety firstly trying to find them, then discovering that what they hear from them actually does them worst mentally, thinking their trauma is lesser than the other, or the other is lesser than themselves. All bad when the original concept was to seek like support.

PTSD is what we all suffer, and that is the goal in order to heal. Uniquely people must heal the way in which they got their trauma, that is what a counsellor is for, but yes, healing our trauma is part of healing PTSD, but that doesn't mean we have to go and only find support from those who suffer the same or like trauma.

Hope that clarifies what this thread is about, and the comments made.

 

[Monarch]

I understand.