So, I'm torn.
When I return to college in the fall, I will be resuming therapy at the Wellness Center there. I am grappling about who I want to see. In theory I could see anyone I wanted to, but really I'm faced with two choices.
I could just call in and ask for an appointment which would almost certainly entail being matched with one of the interns, all three of which will be guys next year (or so I've been told). Just as with the last two calendar years, I will be starting over with this intern and only seeing him for one year.
My other option is to see the woman who has been the supervisor of all three of my intern therapists for the past 2.5 years I've been going there. That means she has seen all of the videos of each and everyone of my sessions and steered the direction of my therapy. The last several times I've seen a doctor or therapist, my first question to them is always, "What do you know about me already?" If I decided to see this woman the more appropriate question would be, "What don't you know about me already?"
I could also phone in and ask this woman which one of the interns she thinks would be suitable for me and get an appointment specifically with that guy, but the choice is still between seeing her and seeing another intern.
To the casual observor, seeing the lady is probably the most logical choice. However, there's one catch for me, she's a woman. I know this probably sounds terribly sexist, but I have a major trust issue with women, ironic since I'm female myself. I don't know what it is, I think I just feel safer around men. That's probably counterintuitive since some of my worst abuse was at the hands of men as a child, but I've also had happier periods in my relationships with the men in my family.
I suppose it's also a difference in the disposition of men versus women that leads me to prefer male therapists. To put it bluntly, women like to hear themselves talk. My memory of previous therapy sessions with women is filled with very one-sided conversations. I felt like they were either doing all of the talking or doing almost none of the talking at all which was equally frustrating.
On the rare occasion that I did see a male therapist, I felt like they were just better listeners. When I saw my first T at the Wellness Center, a male intern who truly saved my life in every way you could possible define that term, on the second therapy session he literally had a line by line list of the things he wanted to do as part of my treatment plan (DBT group therapy, psychological assessment/testing, meet with psychaitrist, work on self esteem, develop stress coping skills, etc). As oppose to the T I saw prior to him, a female nurse who would, I kid you not, begin every session with a shrug and a "So, anything you want to work on today?"
On the flip side, I've sat down with this lady at the Wellness Center before. She's an MFT and all of the interns I've seen speak very highly of her. She's been their instructor so some of what I've gotten from them has indirectly been from her. If she has trained these interns who have been so effective for me than something must be similar between them. And again, she knows me. The only person who even comes close to knowing me as well as she does is my birth and blood mother. Odd to think of since I've only actually spoken with her face to face less than ten times.
The last intern I did see was a female. I decided since I'd made so much progress with the other two guy interns I was ready to venture out and try a female again. She definately had some good qualities personly and professionly and I certainly wouldn't call my time with her a waste. However, the fact remained I just didn't feel as safe with her. I couldn't bring down those emotional walls that I did with my male therapists.
Then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Perhaps it forced me to be a little more independent and emotionally self reliant.
I hope that wasn't too much. So I guess my question to you guys is, based off what I've written here; Who do you think I should see?
When I return to college in the fall, I will be resuming therapy at the Wellness Center there. I am grappling about who I want to see. In theory I could see anyone I wanted to, but really I'm faced with two choices.
I could just call in and ask for an appointment which would almost certainly entail being matched with one of the interns, all three of which will be guys next year (or so I've been told). Just as with the last two calendar years, I will be starting over with this intern and only seeing him for one year.
My other option is to see the woman who has been the supervisor of all three of my intern therapists for the past 2.5 years I've been going there. That means she has seen all of the videos of each and everyone of my sessions and steered the direction of my therapy. The last several times I've seen a doctor or therapist, my first question to them is always, "What do you know about me already?" If I decided to see this woman the more appropriate question would be, "What don't you know about me already?"
I could also phone in and ask this woman which one of the interns she thinks would be suitable for me and get an appointment specifically with that guy, but the choice is still between seeing her and seeing another intern.
To the casual observor, seeing the lady is probably the most logical choice. However, there's one catch for me, she's a woman. I know this probably sounds terribly sexist, but I have a major trust issue with women, ironic since I'm female myself. I don't know what it is, I think I just feel safer around men. That's probably counterintuitive since some of my worst abuse was at the hands of men as a child, but I've also had happier periods in my relationships with the men in my family.
I suppose it's also a difference in the disposition of men versus women that leads me to prefer male therapists. To put it bluntly, women like to hear themselves talk. My memory of previous therapy sessions with women is filled with very one-sided conversations. I felt like they were either doing all of the talking or doing almost none of the talking at all which was equally frustrating.
On the rare occasion that I did see a male therapist, I felt like they were just better listeners. When I saw my first T at the Wellness Center, a male intern who truly saved my life in every way you could possible define that term, on the second therapy session he literally had a line by line list of the things he wanted to do as part of my treatment plan (DBT group therapy, psychological assessment/testing, meet with psychaitrist, work on self esteem, develop stress coping skills, etc). As oppose to the T I saw prior to him, a female nurse who would, I kid you not, begin every session with a shrug and a "So, anything you want to work on today?"
On the flip side, I've sat down with this lady at the Wellness Center before. She's an MFT and all of the interns I've seen speak very highly of her. She's been their instructor so some of what I've gotten from them has indirectly been from her. If she has trained these interns who have been so effective for me than something must be similar between them. And again, she knows me. The only person who even comes close to knowing me as well as she does is my birth and blood mother. Odd to think of since I've only actually spoken with her face to face less than ten times.
The last intern I did see was a female. I decided since I'd made so much progress with the other two guy interns I was ready to venture out and try a female again. She definately had some good qualities personly and professionly and I certainly wouldn't call my time with her a waste. However, the fact remained I just didn't feel as safe with her. I couldn't bring down those emotional walls that I did with my male therapists.
Then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Perhaps it forced me to be a little more independent and emotionally self reliant.
I hope that wasn't too much. So I guess my question to you guys is, based off what I've written here; Who do you think I should see?
