Trauma From Childhood, How Many Have Ended Up With Abusive Partners?

[Sethe]

I think we did the best with what we had. Think of our 'role models.' What kind of models were they?

They sucked!

So, it's only natural (or very, very likely) that we would think/accept abusive behavior as being normal.

It's hard to break down that wall of denial and see that yes, we do deserve to be treated with love and respect.

 

[Queen Boudica]

It's hard to break down that wall of denial and see that yes, we do deserve to be treated with love and respect.

So true.

It is so hard. It is just so much a part of me. I feel I need to rip that part out but somehow leave the good parts of me in tact.

Not going to be easy I reckon, but I need to do it.

 

[cat]

So true.

It is so hard. It is just so much a part of me. I feel I need to rip that part out but somehow leave the good parts of me in tact.

Not going to be easy I reckon, but I need to do it.

Lizio
The experiences we've had do make us feel we are wrong but we aren't, the things that happened to us were, they are the reasons we think & behave the way we do.
Recovery from PTSD is more about acceptance rather than trying to remove the past. I know, I tried doing it that way, it was exhausting & got me nowhere. It's only now that I've reached that acceptance that I'm recovering. We cannot change the past just accept it for what it was, learn to be the people we are now & to make sure that the abuse stops with us.

 

[Queen Boudica]

learn to be the people we are now & to make sure that the abuse stops with us.

That is my main focus, the abuse stops with me.

What I find so hard is I really don't know who I am now. I seem to have turned into a shell of a person, who has let herself be abused. I look at how I have acted over the years and I can see why now, but it scares me.

I know I am so vulnerable at this present moment and I need to learn skills to cope with all this otherwise it will keep on happening. It just seems very overwhelming, what I have to do to get myself out of this and in a stronger position.

 

[scott_1971_h]

(Are you sure you are not being a bit overly controlling, Anthony?)
In short, you bet I've been in this position. Relationships with people who constantly bitched behind my back (exactly what Yeti used to do). I've had enough. And yes, the abuse stops with me :-).

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Nuns were abusive as they were controlling, coupled with the other crap (not parents) I ended up with an abusive alcoholic.

 

[LawPhotos]

Count me in on the repetition compulsion. I married someone with a true narcissistic personality disorder and a pornography addiction---Brilliant, huh!:confused: That way I could remain worthless, useless, rejected and emotionally abused for 20+ years. It allowed me to spend every moment in a degrading struggle that if I could just be ____________ enough (fill in the blank with any adjective you'd like) enough then I would be worthy enough to earn a scrap of his "love".

The good news is at some point I simply snapped to my senses (okay it was fleeting, but it happened!) and kicked him out. Three ugly years of divorce proceedings later, I have a chance at survival.