General Your Own Space

[Zipperhead]

So I was following the thread to create a space just for the supporters of Combat PTSD sufferers. I couldn't help thinking that it started BECAUSE of me. I have been posting allot in the supporters area. At first I was angry. I saw my wife in all of you, and couldn't accept that she might be thinking the same things you all were. Watching people, supporters, encourage each other to give up, it killed me.

But I gradually realised that this was your area to vent. Sometimes people aren't looking for the solution, they just need to blow of steam. So I decided to be a voice of reason. Trying to give hope. I guess I felt that if someone was helping my wife, that was what I would have wanted them to say. I need hope. I think you all do too. So I was trying to help.

The problem is, I have PTSD. My idea of giving hope was not always very successful. Not really just my fault. Yes, I tended to focus on negative comments and bounce hope back, but I still let the negative affect my posts. But I also see that when you are trying to vent, having an outsider blowing sunshine is not what you're looking for. I have my own forum, where I can go when I don't want your comment. Maybe you need a forum without me too.

As far as other supporters, isn't it amazing how similar their issues are? Stop focusing on the differances, and look at the similarities. I find it abit comforting that someone who was involved in a serious crash has the same anxieties I do. That some one who has been abused has some of the same symptoms. My issues are normal. I am normal. So are you. Take comfort where you can get it, and stop saying "yeah but."

So really, at the end of the day, I am the problem here. So what are we going to do about it? We can accept that some on this Forum appreciate advice from the point of view of the sufferer. Or we could say block me if you feel the need. Or I can stay out of your space. I can only do one of those things. I can't control the other two. So I agree to stay out of your business from now on. This is the only thread in the supporters area I will look at from now on. If you want me back, say so. If you don't, say so. We'll see if a compromise is out there.

 

[JS786]

Zipper, I loved your insight on my other thread you commented on. It was enlightening to see things through your eyes. Please feel free to respond to that thread (or any of mine) whenever you want. (I feel weird giving you "permission".. But I just wanted to let you know)

I think it would be ignorant to not at least try to see things through our sufferers eyes when in the middle of a rough patch. Yes, sometimes when a vent is in full swing it can be a bit of an "oof" to hear maybe you reacted the wrong way... but as AB88 said after that when the emotions die down I would realize you were right, and I did.

Personally, I really enjoy your insight so please feel free to give it to me whenever you'd like! :)

 

[Navy Spouse]

Oh Zipperhead! I don't believe any thing started because of you. (Sorry to burst your bubble if you liked the thought of it being because of you. LOL) I think we were all perfectly happy with what we had before we thought we were being offered something more. It's all OK, when you're desperate to find support and feel that you're not alone you'll find it.

I have said before I hope you keep posting on this sight because I like to see the view from the other side. My husband is not at the point where he can explain to me what he's feeling, its only been 6 weeks since he's been diagnosed. I also believe it is a good place for you because you can read what other spouses feelings are and have a better understanding of your wifes feelings. I have seen a ton of improvement in your understanding of your wives feelings since I joined this forum a little over a month ago. Whether you believe it or not, I feel you're headed in the right direction and it gives me hope.

Don't stay out of our business. We're over on your sight poking around in yours, we just can't leave any foot prints. HA HA I view it on occasion, hoping to learn more about what my husband is going through. So if you stop posting here I'll have to be over there poking around more!

 

[wife of]

Zipper,I think you are undervaluing the feedback that you provide.

For myself the idea of a combat supporters section would of been ideal as a place for detailing the unique support services available to vets in thier various countries and to discuss the things that are particularly orientated to service/ex service life and ptsd without bothering other ptsd supporters.

I cant for the life of me see why someone who has ptsd from (for example) domestic abuse would want to have to wade through posts detailing a vets experiances on duty and wonder if some of the more graphic posts that go on sometimes do other people harm...

I don't think you need to stay out of the supporters section anymore than supporters staying out of the other sections,we are all here to learn from each other .

There are a lot of wags(wives and girlfriends) on here who actively succour and encourage each other to fight the good fight and at the risk of sounding a little Dolly "stand by thier man" and I must agree that sometimes it dismays me to see how quickly people chirp up with "dump him",although in some cases it does seem obviously warrented.

 

[Zipperhead]

I think the issue here is that some of the people on the forum do think they need a private area to vent. Don't beleive me? Look at the way the vote turned out. Most people were all for having their place where the sufferers couldn't go. I'm not saying that the vote was conclusive, or that people had really considered all the implications. But the message was clear enough. We need a space where we can vent. I appreciate that you found my advice helpful, but does that make everyone feel that they have a safe area to vent? Is a differing point of view worth having the rest not feel safe to post? Kind of counter productive.

 

[Tinyflame]

Zipper, I hope you will stay and post. :(

 

[wife of]

Supporters once having posted enough can have access to a private supporters section where they can vent without it being visable on the public pages,this is a privilidge available upon request,I can't remember off hand where the details are but they are on site somewhere and vets have the other site so that kind of covers that side.

I think it is vital that supporters and vets are able to interact with each other,how else can they have a rounded view of things?

Thats kind of possible here but lots of personnel/expersonnel and other security brainwashed supporters do have trouble divesting themselves "in civvy street" and I think lots of the guys bug out to the other site soon after arrival and dont come back so the vet/supporter relationship is skewed on here.

Its futher skewed by the fact that a lot of ex partners of combat vets outweighs the number of currents wags thus giving an overall negative impression to any vet who might be picking through the posts to see if there is any hope for the future of thier relationship.

 

[Navy Spouse]

I voted yes without realizing what I voted for.......I guess. If what you said Zipperhead is the way it would have been. I didn't think anyone would be blocked from posting and didn't feel anything needed to be private. I just imagined a separate column labeled "combat PTSD supporters". I had began to feel like we were taking over the PTSD supporters column, that I had felt was really for all the other sufferers not related to combat.

I think we need to just all forget that the offer was even out there and continue to post as we normally would. If I need to vent, I'm going to vent and I don't care who reads it.

 

[Zipperhead]

100% of the people who posted thought I shouldn't be here. Maybe Anthony isn't being as silly as you all thought by not allowing a separate space. Do you think maybe he saw the issue better than anyone else? What you all would be throwing away if you formed your own "club house?"

As far as the issues being differant, well, your right. Reading through some of the abuse and rape victims stories has really left me wanting for words. I cannot relate. But I can feel for them. Is there anything else I need to do? And at the end of the day, I can understand their symptoms, see them in myself, and it shows me a new perspective. They are the same as me. They just got here by differant means. I have even read some stories where I have to wonder why they are here. Then I remember, I am not them, and it has effected them, so I need not judge them. They are here because they need the support. It matters not why.

 

[Navy Spouse]

I'm done with this discussion. For less than one day we had an offer of something that was never going to be. Now its all being blown out of proportion. No body ever said that the sufferers of rape, child abuse or what ever were any less important and that we couldn't learn valuable things from them. We have all agreed that combat PTSD is different in ways, just as a person suffering from a terrible automobile accident is not going to relate with a rape victim on the same level as another rape victim. Everybody just needs to continue as they were. Read what you want to read, post what you want to post and continue to support.

 

[wcdean]

I'm coming in late, but if I may offer my .02 cents. I think that it's important to be able to connect (sufferers and supporters). I constantly worry about what my wife is thinking and feeling; she tells me she's okay but is she really or is she being strong for me and on the inside is beating herself up for "not doing this" or "not doing that". That is a feeling that the sufferer knows all too well, and I wouldn't be surprised if supporters felt the same way.

So I think it's important to intermingle, to cross read and cross post. As stated in the rules this is the internet, not necessarily a "safe place" although we are all here for the same reason, to find help in some way, shape, or form. If there are private things that wish to be discussed, there is the ability to start a conversation with multiple parties.

Again I'm not 100% up to speed, but would hate for people to get frustrated and not get what they came here seeking simply because they felt what was a special "space" for them had been violated. We are all in this fight together, sufferers and supporters. And healthy debates spark the most startling of revelations.

 

[amethist]

Zipperhead and wcdean

You are both very welcome to comment on any of the threads and post on the supporters side of the forum, you both do have valid points to make.

We have a private section for supporters so we can post how upset and hurt by our sufferers comments and actions, air them where other supporters can read and respond if they want to. Not because we want to hide it all from our sufferers, but so we can vent our hurt and anger, without hurting them anymore than they have already been hurt.

Today myself I am drained and feel really down because of my husbands PTSD, not him himself but his PTSD, which was caused by an idiotic driver who did not take that extra 30 seconds to check the road, before he crossed my husbands path.

But this effects me and I cannot show him sometime's just how hurt and angry I am because of it. So a private place to cry and yell if I need to does help me.

Having said that, I value comment's from other sufferers, what ever their trauma was, as they can give me answers to things maybe my husband can't. I can learn how to deal with his issue from members on the forum such as you two because other sufferers can relate to him more than I can at time's.

The learning curve never ends, new issues come up when we least expect them to, so the knowledge you pass on to us now, can be passed onto other supporters as they join us here.

Maybe we supporters should take more time to read threads and post in the sufferers area, not necessarily to reply, but to learn more of how you feel with everything that is thrown at you.

Hugs to you both for being who you are.

Amethist