Experiences With Sociopaths

[ms spock]

A middle aged woman like me would, who was neglected as a child and never was really nurtured by anyone.

is so vulnerable is another excellent insight.

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[ms spock]

Anyway, as I said, I will still need to deal with him because of the kids. There is no evidence of what he has done. Just my word. I have to work with the system, I cannot run and I can't do that to the kids, unless he really did turn nasty.

I am thinking at the moment, his need to look like the Mr Perfect and the good guy, to everyone around him, will stop him from turning really nasty. I don't know, that is probably very naive. But I am trying to get my head round this.

Record everything that happens. You word written down means a lot.

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[BloomInWinter]

When separating from them emotionally...until we can trust ourselves, it's sometimes best to ignore everything they say and only focus on what they do.

The behaviors are the true measure of the health of a person's personality.

 

[ms spock]

What I am worried about his how he will be with the children, what his behaviour will be with them as they get older and more defiant teenagers. Difficult for me to explain. Just have to be on guard with him and I want to really understand what I am dealing with. Plus as it finally dawns on him that I am really serious about this separation, that no amount of nice behaviour from him is going to get me back. I think he is waiting for me to fall flat on my face because he thinks I am so useless, I cannot manage on my own. (And to be honest, I do think I am useless and I do not know how I am going to manage, but I am winging it, taking it a step at a time and determined I will get there, if in my own slow, painful way. I hope so)

He will probably undermine you at every turn. When we change people in our social networks will try to pull us back to where we were before.

 

[ms spock]

To reiterate a few people: Nobody deserves to be beaten- physically or emotionally. Period.

My ex did try to choke me one time and he blamed me for it. He said he'd never do it again and I don't remember him doing it, but the psychological torture was worse.

I think if you've grown up with some kind of narcissistic/sociopathic family members, then it's likely you'll continue to have them in your life. It's a pattern.

I do like Sea's contribution. Sociopaths have no conscience. Narcissists do not either; however, I think sociopaths tend to be more violent. I think both categories view people as objects.

Psychological torture is so damaging as it is so hard to quantify. There is a book The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia EvansDead Link Removed

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[ms spock]

Thankyou doglover for your kind words.
Don't feel I can congratulate myself yet, until I know I will not fall flat on my face. Too much else i am avoiding doing at the moment. Yes It is a huge step for me. It is a move in the right direction. I am pleased with that, just bloody scared I won't be able to cope afterwards. It is a start, I'm trying as much as I can.

I think the success is in the insight and the decision to move on. That is very successful indeed.

Looking at a situation and calling it as it is is so important.

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[sea]

Research has shown that the characteristics of sociopathy are also the traits required for leadership. The research is quite interesting reading.

Yeah, I recall reading something to the effect that psychopaths actually have more of a certain amount of callousness needed to lead large groups of people, and that they have that magnetism involved in drawing people in, they can charm them, etc. And to me it's interesting that the research is being done on this, because I've known a few psychopaths & sociopaths, and they have all always had individuals flocking to them from miles and miles away. They were like magnets for people, to draw them together and get them to do whatever they wanted. It was just nuts. But what you quoted of me I think you mistook, because I would agree with what you have written here.

There is definitely a grading spectrum. One might not be "all sadistic sociopath monster", maybe they only present as a ruthless CEO. But nonetheless, I would find it hard to disagree that these people are in-general abusive, and that they are unable to hide that abusiveness over prolonged, extended durations of time alone with another person. Such as, for example, with their spouse. A person doesn't even have to be violent in order to be abusive. And IMO, all sociopaths/psychopaths are abusive in some way.

 

[ms spock]

Yeah, I recall reading something to the effect that psychopaths actually have more of a certain amount of callousness needed to lead large groups of people, and that they have that magnetism involved in drawing people in, they can charm them, etc. And to me it's interesting that the research is being done on this, because I've known a few psychopaths & sociopaths, and they have all always had individuals flocking to them from miles and miles away. They were like magnets for people, to draw them together and get them to do whatever they wanted. It was just nuts. But what you quoted of me I think you mistook, because I would agree with what you have written here.

Thanks for letting me know that I misunderstood you.

A lot of them are magnets and it isn't until people get really burned that they work it out or not as the case may be.

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[ms spock]

There is definitely a grading spectrum. One might not be "all sadistic sociopath monster", maybe they only present as a ruthless CEO. But nonetheless, I would find it hard to disagree that these people are in-general abusive, and that they are unable to hide that abusiveness over prolonged, extended durations of time alone with another person. Such as, for example, with their spouse. A person doesn't even have to be violent in order to be abusive. And IMO, all sociopaths/psychopaths are abusive in some way.

I agree!

These are people that are in general abusive and over a prolonged period their mind games and emotional abusive ways are destructive to those in close quarters.

We just have to run when we see them!

*puts on running shoes, stretches*

How do you deal with these people? I find it very hard to deal with them. I find it hard to deal with narcissists nevertheless the sociopaths and psychopaths.

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[ms spock]

Dear Lizio,

I think you are so brave to be looking at all this stuff.

Be safe,
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[PTSD sufferer]

Sometimes situations are so bad that ......
Walk Away = You Live

Exactly my sentiment! Walk away = you live.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

PTSD Sufferer. Either you know one. Or you've worked with one. Your post sent shivers down my spine. You have described it so well. And yep. You lose or you lose. Its a game, and its years in the making.

One thing you didnt mention is the 'cleverness' aspect. They seem to feed on being so clever at the deception.

One I know very well, played with a psychiatrist like a cat plays with a ball of string. Enjoyed every minute of it. And only the victims knew what was going on. The psychiatrist told the victims they had to be more kind and tolerant.

The 'smirk' only showed in the eyes, and she was behind the psychiatrist when it showed.

Yep. Shivers.

Hi Jacquie. Yep. Spot on love. That's a psychopath. That's how deceiving they can be - 1 against a group, they win everytime. Which is not how the odds should work. You are very right about the cleverness.

Yes, I have experienced, psychopaths, up close and in person. This is cause of my multiple traumas.

My trauma relates to two narcissistic psychopaths (and a schizophrenic). I have been a target all my life with the first one, the second one I became a target and was tortured for 2 years in my 20s before I worked out what was going on. I only became aware of what exactly a narcissistic psychopath was after this experience. I had been fooled for most of my life. And, I will probably be fooled again!

Psychopath 1:

The first psychopath decided when I was 6 years old that I was a threat. He saw me as someone who needed to be 'taught a lesson' and has 'created' many reasons to justify his actions throughout the years - I was too pretty, I tried to stop him, I got in the way, everyone else kept saying how smart I was. These are not reasons to hurt someone let alone a child.

I have challenged his behavior, exposed him to other (family and police), stopped him from carrying out his sick plans, and I have become 'dispensable'.....

That's all I will say in the forum about that - I'm just not ready to share yet, it's too hard to explain the details. Can't even tell my T, have to write it down for him to read while I cry my eyes out on the couch. I can't even utter it under my breath.

Psychopath 2:

The second psychopath was in my life for 2 years when I was in my mid to late 20s. Articulating what happened in this 2 year period in my history, is easier for me to do. There is a certain amount of separation I can do that enables me to talk about it. It was my boss' boss (director at the company I worked for). My direct boss was skitzophrenic. She knew what he was and she 'hand picked' me to work for him. I was her target from day one. He was the mentally unstable individual she could use as a 'scapegoat' to carry out her sick plan. Which included:

- drugged me with his antipsychotics and sleeping tablets (she admitted to encouraging him to do this)
- Peed in a cup then tipped it all over me and my office, and then called maintenance and told then what 'I' did.
- Spied on me through a hole in the wall to what when to carry out his plan
- threatened me with a very sharp steel letter opener many times (that she bought him)
- exposed himself to me (and worse)
- Lots of abusive words and general bullying behaviour

I could go on and on about his personalities, what they did, and the affect that it had on me, but I think you get the picture! The point is, that the psychopath was using him to carry out her torture program. she was the 'puppet master'. She intercepted all my complaints - with other managers, the union, HR and even when I got an AVO, with the police, I tried to get moved away from him, tried to get on another team, another state even. She turned it back around on me, twisted, hid, manipulated - anything to stop me exposing that he had Schizophrenia and was torturing me. Because, that would mean that her 'game' could not be carried out how she wanted it to be.

The only reason I stayed as long as I did was I needed another job as I don't have any support networks. I should have just left! In the end, when I had worked out what was going on and resigned - this is what she told me.

She told me that she 'had made sure that there would be no little Liz's running around, because the drugs (some serious antipsychotics that were being put in my coffee) make you sterile'.....I said, 'you do not get to decide that for me, that is my & my fiances' decision not yours'. She said 'I was a nurse and I looked it up online. It's fine. You'll just pee the drugs out - all over the floor obviously [followed by hysterical laughter]'......

When I asked why are you doing this to me? the answer was 'because I can [followed by hysterical laughter]'. Then instantly very serious. 'You were supposed to go crazy and be committed'.......
When I yelled what the hell is wrong with you?! She said quite factually 'I have a condition too, I'm a psychopath. You're so stupid, you didn't even know it was me'......

When I questioned why she made me go into a room to deal with him (he was on a delusional rant with the letter opener in hand), when she knew full well that he was threatening to kill me with it....She answered, 'Don't be dramatic, he wasn't going to murder you'......

I said, you are his manager, you should have gone in and talked him down... she answers 'I have kids, can't you think about my kids, you're so selfish'. Followed by, 'I wish he had killed you and then himself, so then I could be done with both of you'.........

A complicating factor: Psychopath 1 meets psychopath 2....

The first psychopath, confronted the director at my work, to put on a bit of a show. BUT, he congratulated her in private for her cunning ability to destroy me.

When I explained to psychopath 1 that she was a psychopath, he admitted that he was one too, and told me everything he has done to me since I was 6 years old. With pride and excitement and without skipping a beat, I will add.

He said 'I didn't know what I was until I met (director). Thanks for introducing us (I didn't introduce them, he sought her out because he was curious). 'I always knew I never felt anything, that made me curious. But I know now. You know it means that I am genetically more superior than the rest of you'.

The two psychopaths have been the best of friends ever since. What's worse than being a target of a psychopath (nothing you would imagine could be worse) - the answer is being the target of two who are working together against you.

I won't go into anymore detail, as I think you have got the general picture. The point I will make again is. WALKING AWAY = LIVING ANOTHER DAY. I am alive, because I walked away.

JUST WALK AWAY!