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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Post starter goingonhope
- Start date
AngelKeeperJ
Sponsor
(((steph)))
I'm so sorry! I'm a mom, and I'm saying to you, as a momma; You are not dirty, and there is hope. It's okay to feel frightened, we all do sometimes. Do you have a special blanket of stuffed animal to cuddle with? Normal is different for everyone. I hope that you will reach out to the people in real life. Sometimes it's the only way to get better.
I'm so sorry! I'm a mom, and I'm saying to you, as a momma; You are not dirty, and there is hope. It's okay to feel frightened, we all do sometimes. Do you have a special blanket of stuffed animal to cuddle with? Normal is different for everyone. I hope that you will reach out to the people in real life. Sometimes it's the only way to get better.
- Post starter
- #5,223
goingonhope
VIP Member
I'm feeling frustrated that there is less and less time for me to be able to be present upon the forum. The interruptions here at home just keep coming and so I log on and repeatedly deal with interruptions, especially the phone, - requests, demands and deadlines until I am frustrated beyond belief, as well as, exhausted.
I was feeling sad and I'm still feeling kind of sad because so much of reality is quite frankly too often, just sad.
Also, I'm reading through another book and this one just reaches down into my heart and rips at it.
I can't believe the things I am learning. And, also in order to continue learning, I had to revisit memories of my mother having electric shock treatments for her depression which indeed was reinforced regularly, first resulting from the damages that my out-of-control, super-sensitive, domineering, intimidating dad imposed upon her and us girls. And, then afterwards imposed and reinforced regularly by the deranged boyfriend that followed my dad for the next 2 decades.
So Mom ends up with electric shock treatments treating many of the injustices. (Who on earth wouldn't have been depressed), ...evaporating many of the injustices, - including the injustice which arranged for those shock treatments to begin with. Boyfriends can not legally arrange and sign as husbands.
Whatever, ......I just feel very, very sad. The world of realities accomplishes this well.
I was feeling sad and I'm still feeling kind of sad because so much of reality is quite frankly too often, just sad.
Also, I'm reading through another book and this one just reaches down into my heart and rips at it.
I can't believe the things I am learning. And, also in order to continue learning, I had to revisit memories of my mother having electric shock treatments for her depression which indeed was reinforced regularly, first resulting from the damages that my out-of-control, super-sensitive, domineering, intimidating dad imposed upon her and us girls. And, then afterwards imposed and reinforced regularly by the deranged boyfriend that followed my dad for the next 2 decades.
So Mom ends up with electric shock treatments treating many of the injustices. (Who on earth wouldn't have been depressed), ...evaporating many of the injustices, - including the injustice which arranged for those shock treatments to begin with. Boyfriends can not legally arrange and sign as husbands.
Whatever, ......I just feel very, very sad. The world of realities accomplishes this well.
I woke this afternoon a bit depressed but very numb, but I've also been having these bad mood swings.
My son really made me mad so I started shouting at him and undressed him for bed, I've never spoken to my son or the others 2 like it before. He was shutting at me and punching my hubby, but still I felt awful for shouting at him like that. We made up before bed. I'm a strong believer in never going to bed on a fight,I told him while he had been bad I shouldn't have shouted at him like that. I gave him a big hug and told him I love him to the moon and back.
But I know now how I feel and that's angry, very angry at everything. Why do I have to suffer from FMS?, why so much pain everyday? some days it's so bad I hurt all over. I'm always tired but I can't sleep or if I do it's broken. I'm angry at myself for being old before my time, I'm 32 not 82 but most days it feels like it's the other way round. I hate the headaches and the voice, always his voice telling me how useless I am.
But than I have my other disorder that in it's own way is so much worse as it's turning me into someone else, I fight do all I'm told to do but there it is like a big black cloud. My PTSD I hate it and all that it make's me feel and think about. It should be locked away in my little box and put to the back of my mind. But it refuses to go back into my little box so I'm left feeling like this. I'm scared, I'm hurting, I'm broken and I'm griefing for all that I never let myself grief for before.
My son really made me mad so I started shouting at him and undressed him for bed, I've never spoken to my son or the others 2 like it before. He was shutting at me and punching my hubby, but still I felt awful for shouting at him like that. We made up before bed. I'm a strong believer in never going to bed on a fight,I told him while he had been bad I shouldn't have shouted at him like that. I gave him a big hug and told him I love him to the moon and back.
But I know now how I feel and that's angry, very angry at everything. Why do I have to suffer from FMS?, why so much pain everyday? some days it's so bad I hurt all over. I'm always tired but I can't sleep or if I do it's broken. I'm angry at myself for being old before my time, I'm 32 not 82 but most days it feels like it's the other way round. I hate the headaches and the voice, always his voice telling me how useless I am.
But than I have my other disorder that in it's own way is so much worse as it's turning me into someone else, I fight do all I'm told to do but there it is like a big black cloud. My PTSD I hate it and all that it make's me feel and think about. It should be locked away in my little box and put to the back of my mind. But it refuses to go back into my little box so I'm left feeling like this. I'm scared, I'm hurting, I'm broken and I'm griefing for all that I never let myself grief for before.
AngelKeeperJ
Sponsor
(((jo may))) I so know the FMS/PTSD frustration and anger. (((gentle hugs))) Maybe letting yourself grieve till you can't grieve anymore is what you need. Allow yourself to cry hard and long, then after a bit, wash your face, take a deep breath and get back into life.
Maybe telling your kids that you need a timeout, but because you are the parent, they must take some quiet time for themselves will help?
Rest well, and tomorrow is a new day!
Maybe telling your kids that you need a timeout, but because you are the parent, they must take some quiet time for themselves will help?
Rest well, and tomorrow is a new day!
Hopeful that my t and I may have finally figured out why I can't sit still at home.
Excited that I might get to start reading books again.
Frightened that dealing with this stuff is gonna be really hard and scary to work through.
Alone amidst a hundred acquaintances who all think I'm "really great" but not having a single one I feel like I can talk to about this stuff.
Cold in my underheated home.
Restless for something to get my mind off of everything.
Excited that I might get to start reading books again.
Frightened that dealing with this stuff is gonna be really hard and scary to work through.
Alone amidst a hundred acquaintances who all think I'm "really great" but not having a single one I feel like I can talk to about this stuff.
Cold in my underheated home.
Restless for something to get my mind off of everything.
(((Stuff))) I know Stuff. It is hard and it is scary to work through. I was where you are at not long ago. Sometimes I wondered if I could make it, but I did and I have a good life again! Please be encouraged, because you will make it through all of this and it will be well worth it.
AngelaMarie
Diamond Member
I feel better today as far as the cold. I just wish I would get over the arthritis flare-up so I would have some energy. Also, the pain is making me grouchy. I don't like that.:(
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
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