I put breathing as my username because "I'm breathing, so I guess I'm still alive. Even if signs seems to tell me otherwise." ~Tool
And that's how I feel sometimes...
I am struggling! My husband was diagnosed w/ severe ptsd and we also have a child with autism. My husband did 3 combat tours and about a year later, got out. He ended up trying to take his own life by cutting his throat. I found him. It was a real mess. He did live and was involutarily commited. Every frightening moment of that day is burned in my memory so profoundly that I was also diagnosed with ptsd. Not only from that day but from living with him before and after the incident. And of course trying to keep things as normal as possible for my child. While detatching from anxiety, pain, exhaustion, sorrow, shock, fear, etc. Basically-masking all emotions, so life was still ok for my child. My child did not see anything but was there when I found my husband. My child saw nothing- only knows daddy was very sick. It's an extremely complicated situation and story...
After the incident while my husband was "away". I ended up in the hospital with a ruptured stomach ulcer I didn't know exsisted. Two surgeries and twelve days later I weighed about 90lbs and talked the doctor into letting me leave of the hospital because my grandmother passed away and I was not about to miss her funeral. (yes-there's more craziness to all of this but that's enough)
I find myself being very angry with society for not understanding or wanting to understand the fallout our military families are going through since this war began and after our warriors come home. I'm very angry that society doesn't allow me to be angry or act like any of this has even affected my child or me. My husband was over there--it's as if I am supposed to witness him self distruct (which I did) - while trying to get him help (which I also did and that's a whole other story) and now act as if since he and I have been diagnosed it's all ok. It seems we are not supposed to talk about it EVER with anyone accept professionals because people DO NOT know how to handle that kind of trama or the trama that caused it!! And the reality of that trama scares the crap out of them. So it's better to ignore it---ugh...SO FRUSTRATING!!!! Civilian counselors just try to get you "past" it without really dealing with it (or mine have anyway). And everyone else wants you to hurry up and be ok.
I had to get this out TONIGHT!!!!
Thanks for listening, and yes--I'm still Breathing...
Peace and hope to all.
<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs. By Amethist>
And that's how I feel sometimes...
I am struggling! My husband was diagnosed w/ severe ptsd and we also have a child with autism. My husband did 3 combat tours and about a year later, got out. He ended up trying to take his own life by cutting his throat. I found him. It was a real mess. He did live and was involutarily commited. Every frightening moment of that day is burned in my memory so profoundly that I was also diagnosed with ptsd. Not only from that day but from living with him before and after the incident. And of course trying to keep things as normal as possible for my child. While detatching from anxiety, pain, exhaustion, sorrow, shock, fear, etc. Basically-masking all emotions, so life was still ok for my child. My child did not see anything but was there when I found my husband. My child saw nothing- only knows daddy was very sick. It's an extremely complicated situation and story...
After the incident while my husband was "away". I ended up in the hospital with a ruptured stomach ulcer I didn't know exsisted. Two surgeries and twelve days later I weighed about 90lbs and talked the doctor into letting me leave of the hospital because my grandmother passed away and I was not about to miss her funeral. (yes-there's more craziness to all of this but that's enough)
I find myself being very angry with society for not understanding or wanting to understand the fallout our military families are going through since this war began and after our warriors come home. I'm very angry that society doesn't allow me to be angry or act like any of this has even affected my child or me. My husband was over there--it's as if I am supposed to witness him self distruct (which I did) - while trying to get him help (which I also did and that's a whole other story) and now act as if since he and I have been diagnosed it's all ok. It seems we are not supposed to talk about it EVER with anyone accept professionals because people DO NOT know how to handle that kind of trama or the trama that caused it!! And the reality of that trama scares the crap out of them. So it's better to ignore it---ugh...SO FRUSTRATING!!!! Civilian counselors just try to get you "past" it without really dealing with it (or mine have anyway). And everyone else wants you to hurry up and be ok.
I had to get this out TONIGHT!!!!
Thanks for listening, and yes--I'm still Breathing...
Peace and hope to all.
<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs. By Amethist>
