Therapy Resistant?

[Sterre]

Have some of you ever heard your therapist say that there is no more help for you therapywise?
That you are therapyresistant?

My T said yesterday she she has rum out of options or methods to help me, and that I should consider a life without Therapy.
My goal is a life without therapy offcourse, but no in this stage of my life, were I feel depressed, hopeless and scared to the bone.I feel therapy has laid my wounds open, and now she says there is no possibilty to heal the wounds trough therapy?
What am I to do?
Can I face it alone? can I heal myself without therapy?

How did you deal with this?

 

[Srain]

Wow, I have not been told this before although I have been known to stop therapy more than several times over the years.

Is this the only therapist you have seen? Or have other therapist told you this as well?

Quite frankly I feel like a therapist telling a Client who is obviously in throes of pain and depression that they are "therapy resistant" is either trying to open up they up more(which is a crappy way of doing it IMOP) or a sign that they aren't the therapist that can help you and you need to find one better trained for the job. Is this therapist a Trauma Therapist?

Like any professional, I would get a second opinion about this. Truth be told there are those that do face it alone and do well but if you feel like you are a person who needs that addition person to person support then I would continue to seek it out. Personally, I do not do well at this point without it but that's just me and my personal complex trauma issues. I could never speak for everyone.

Sterre, I think you are open and willing to work so I truly don't believe this is a statement about you but more a statement about the therapist who told you this.

peace,
Rain

 

[Paranoid10]

Dear Sterre,
First and foremost, I'm sorry you have been confronted with this. I have never had a therapist tell me this. I don't know what your therapist has gone over with you as far as types of therapy. But here are some things to consider. Is your therapist an M.D. or a PhD? Usually, M.D's have more tools at their disposal to try to help with therapy. It may just be a case that a different therapist is needed.

I would advise not trying to face your struggles alone. I know for me, part of my road to recovery is having my therapist at my side. Without her, life would become very confusing, very quickly.

The other thing I would recommend is to be open minded towards alternative therapies such as homeopathic or naturistic therapies. You might be surprised what you find. I found that out by sheer accident when my wife started her own business selling candle warmers with different kinds of scented waxes. Some of these waxes actually helped calm me down and helped relieve anxiety.

I'm not sure if this helps but I hope it does. Respectfully, Paranoid10

 

[mamachick]

Sterre I am sorry that your T told you this. Did you ask her why? to explain this? I would certainly make an appointment and do this?
I know of situations where people have been told something very similiar. However, it does not sound like you.

I know one person that the T told them they could not help because no matter what suggestions/options the t provided, the client said "no I cant do that," or, "that wont work because..." and constantly shot everything down with an excuse/reason.

Another person was told they were resistant because the refused to feel and always diverted back to reasoning/logic/analyzing.

I know of another that needed to take medication in order to gain from therapy-sometimes that is necessary to be effective.

We are all resistant to some degree. Therapists are trained in dealing with the resistant client. We go with intent of getting better but it is nature to be a bit resistant in making real change. Thats what the T is for, to hold our feet to the fire. I would go back and ask if you have not. I would want clarity to this.

I have been to several therapists over my lifetime. There is one female T that will give me a firm kick in the butt, and there are times that I have felt that I needed that. I met her when I attended a group recomended by her partner, who was initially my therapist. He is much more gentle. They have different styles. She has a way of shocking me. Many people I know do not like her as a therapist. Once when I was feeling useless in regard to employment, she told me to take a job at McDonalds and drop the food on the floor and make a mess basically. I didnt do it. I later saw her point that she wanted me to see that I am much too serious. She also told me to dump ice water on my husband while he is sleeping because he has no empathy and doesnt get what it feels like being woke up. Im thinking maybe your therapist has some point to this-I would hope so. In the meantime, I agree with rain-try not to take personal

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Sterre- Bottom line, yes, I have indeed been told this.

But I remembered something that all with PTSD understands. All people are different. We think different, we rationalize differently, we experience things differently- and that does not exclude every single T out there! They are just human beings, with only so much capacity for what they do based on their level of education, knowledge, understanding and experience. Your T says that you are therapy resistant, and with that specific T that may be true, and it is not the fault of anyone at all. Try finding another T. Do not give up on yourself because in the end, it was your T that failed you, and not the other way around, and it was most likely not done intentionally.

Hugs to you, and don't give up. Anything worth having, is worth fighting for, including yourself.

 

[Heather]

Sterre - I think you should consider a life without your therapist! I'm sorry she said that to you. I would look into finding someone else.

Hugs. Heather

 

[Sterre]

Thank you all for your responses.

My T is no trauma therapist.
I just spoke with er on the phone, and asked her if she did perform Trauma therapy on me, and she said Yes I did. I didnt know that. I was under the impression that we did cogngitve, supportive therapy.
I asked hetr if she wanted to explain what she meant by saying that no therapy is an option, If it meant that she thinks I'm therapy resistant.
She said that she didnt mean to say that but that it is my negative thinking style that hears that. She did say however that she dont think we should continue therapy toghether. She said she tried her best, and that I tried my best but that the result is to minimal. Although I feel very sad and anxious about it, I have to agree with her on this, because that was what the initial agrument was all about. I felt for a long time now, that I was not gaining from therapy, but instead it was making me worse.( not temporarely , but more an a structural level)

I feel scared, and insecure, unsafe.

We talked about that I might need somone who is strongenr and more confrontational, I need someone who will stand up to me to tell me that I am avoiding again, or that I am making exuses again, or something like that.

It feels so strange and awfull, to know that she will no longer be my Therapist. So sudden. I dont know what to think of it, and I dont know what to do now.
She looked at her writing about the last two years, and noticed how much time we have spend discussing the therapy, and she said she did not think the purpose of the therapy was to dicuss therapy.
In wich she is right.

Although on a rational level I agree with the break up, and initiated it in a way, emotionally I feel unsafe and scared out of my head. Im scared that I will fall in to the selfblame and selfhate pattern again, I am scared that I will beat myself up with telling myself I am no good, and that I cant even do therapy right!
That I am a failure beyond help.

I am scared for all these destructive patterns and thoughts. It feel like ive been abbandont by my mother. Kicked to the curb, like a nasty trouble maker that everybody grows tyred off even my therapist after 6 years.
That's my "destructive emotional reasoning".

 

[mamachick]

(((Sterre)))
I am glad that you talked to her and came to understand. I know that it is a scarey time and see how you would feel this way right now. You are not a trouble maker and you are did not fail at therapy-do not listen to that voice. What would you tell a friend? Use the words that you would use with a friend until you find a new therapist to help you feel more secure. There is always a dialogue going on in our heads, it is either self critic or self nurturing. You need to find the self nurturing just as you do when you respond to others on the forum. Im here to listen anytime and praying for you

 

[Sterre]

Thank you so much Brat17, your comment gives me something to hold on to, when I feel that selfhatred coming up.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((sterre)))))

This is NOT a failure or 'Lack' on your part. You did nothing wrong. There *IS* a T. out there who can help you. Just, for whatever reasons, not her. ...and that is normal. By that, I mean that they are people, and not all people 'click' with us.

...and that is ok for us to not be able to work with someone.

If your T. is, for whatever reasons, unable to forge a healing therapeutic alliance with you, it would be unethical for her to NOT tell you.

But it is NOT your 'fault'...there is no 'fault' or 'wrong' here, just 'healing & helpful' or 'gone as far on this road as we can together.'

It's like she's the vehicle you were riding in on your road to recovery. She couldn't go further, and had to tell you the vehicle wasn't able to go further, so it was time to get out of the vehicle... rather than sit there stuck in the same place with vehicle that isn't going anywhere.

[tempted to insert puns about her blowing a gasket, running out of gas, or being a poor driver and driving it into a ditch, LOL...]

Now, the whole world of T. lies open to you to investigate, pick, and choose what YOU want out of your recovery.

I have NO doubt you have everything inside of you that you need to find a better vehicle to ride down that recovery road in.

It's truly how you speak to yourself from here on out. I hope you'll hear the voice I hear when I read your posts...that of a survivor who needs and deserves better healing than before. Because I think you know at some level...her vehicle just wasn't good enough for the places you want to go.

Congrats on facing this really challenging stuff. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for being a courageous person.

Many cannot face this stuff. YOU are. :tup::tup::tup::tup::tup::tup::tup::tup:

 

[The Albatross]

Glad Sterre that you had another conversation and that she was able to communicate her concerns to you. I know it's hard but try to focus on what she said and hit the mute button on the self talk. Get a referral if that's an option... this is a change, an opportunity to find a better fit for you. It isn't a bad thing... if she tried and you tried and you couldn't get where you wanted to go... I like Bloom's analogy of the vehicle you were riding... you can pick a different model that might be a better and more productive ride.

(((Giving you a hug right now)))

 

[BloomInWinter]

...and get a vehicle that won't break down on rocky roads while you're climbing up those mountains, LOL!