Therapy Resistant?

[KP the nut]

(((Sterre))), I've just picked up on this and IMHO it was morally wrong of your T to drop you as she did. I was once told by a T that it was pointless me continuing to see him as I was unsuiable for therapy :mad:. Bullsh*t, he was unsuitable to be a T.

As has already been said, look around and find a trauma therapist who can continue to drive (Blooms analogy is used again :)) you forward to another level of healing and managing your symptoms. I did find an amazing T who worked wonders and I am not seeing a T at all.

The forum is and for the foreseeable future a life line for me as well

Please take care
((HUGS))

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I haven't read the entire thread yet, so I'm responding to the op.

Therapists like yours need to be bitch-slapped. Yes, I said it! Why? Her ego by far shadows any help she could ever offer. She basically said "I am the greatest therapist in the world and if I can't help you, nobody can!!" PUH-LEEZE!

There are HUNDREDS of kinds of therapy out there. Has she tried them all? No, she hasn't (and I say this with 99.999999% certainty).

Don't listen to one egotistical therapist. Keep on trying...

I suppose I'll read the rest of the thread now, lol.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Dear Sterre,
First and foremost, I'm sorry you have been confronted with this. I have never had a therapist tell me this. I don't know what your therapist has gone over with you as far as types of therapy. But here are some things to consider. Is your therapist an M.D. or a PhD? Usually, M.D's have more tools at their disposal to try to help with therapy. It may just be a case that a different therapist is needed.

I would advise not trying to face your struggles alone. I know for me, part of my road to recovery is having my therapist at my side. Without her, life would become very confusing, very quickly.

The other thing I would recommend is to be open minded towards alternative therapies such as homeopathic or naturistic therapies. You might be surprised what you find. I found that out by sheer accident when my wife started her own business selling candle warmers with different kinds of scented waxes. Some of these waxes actually helped calm me down and helped relieve anxiety.

I'm not sure if this helps but I hope it does. Respectfully, Paranoid10

MD's aren't trained in THERAPY. They are trained in how to write prescriptions. In my experience it's rare to find a MD who does therapy, let alone does it well. Are you not in the states? Maybe it's different elsewhere?

 

[Sterre]

No, I am not in the states, I am living in the Netherlands. I am Dutch, that is the reason my english grammar is not to well :)

My ex-T is a psychiatrist, and altough she is mainly trained to do the medical stuff of psychological/mental problems and write prescriptions, she also does therapy.
She specialisd herself in Schema-therapy, when I started with her 6 years ago, she did some schema-theapy with me, but it was not very structural ( the schema-thing) during the sessions I went to her.

It may sound strange or dumb, but I dont know if she does therapy with her other clients. I always supposed so, but maybe she just write presciptions to them, or something. I truly dont know, I just assumed, 6 years ago, she knew what she was doing.
She owns a private practice, and in her pratice there are also other Therapists, also two Therapists that do EMDR.

When I first came to her, six years ago, I didnt know what was going on with me, and was very glad that there was someone who said she could help me.
The diagnosis of Complex trauma, was only 1,5 years ago diagnosed by her.
I came to her with chronic depression and anxiety problems that have bothered me all my life, and exploded when I was 15 or 16 years old.
Before I came to her, I was in therapy with someone else who diagnosed me with BPD, after one conversation. I knew a lot about BPD because I studied it before I went to this former T, and could not recognize myself in the diagnosis.Some of the criteria I recognized, but a lot of it didnt seem to fit my symptoms. At that time a diagnosis of BPD was equall to a life long misery and the mental health workers would not treat/burn themselves on someone diagnosed with BPD, if you where diagnosed with BPD, you where marked as hopeless and trouble. No T would want to treat you then. This former T sended me to this Psychiatrist that I have been in therapy with now for 6 years.

When I became pregnant, and after my daughter was born, my symptoms developped and grew worse. I was allready in treatment for one year with my ex-T, and she offerd me a lot of support and help at that time.
I searched for information about what was going on with me, and I asked her a lot of times what was going on with me? What was wrong with me? I think she didnt dare to diagnose me with anything because I was in much distress over the former BPD diagnosis.
Then I read the book of Judith Herman, Trauma and recovery, and I recognised so much of my symptoms in her book, that I went to my T and said that I thought I suffered Complex trauma. I was allready four and a half years in therapy with her. She aknowledge my suspicion, and officialy diagnosed me with Complex trauma.

So acctually I diagnosed myself and she officialy confirmed it.

I dont know what to think anymore. In the last conversation I had with my ex-T, I asked her if she performed trauma therapy on me, she said yes. All the while I didnt feel like I was getting trauma therapy, but then I am no therapist, so what do I know?
Does trauma therapy take 6 years without ever discussing the things that happend in my youth? Without ever really talking about the trauma's?
If she had 2 EMDR specialists in her practice, why didnt she let me have EMDR?

Did she really believe I have Complex trauma or does she thinks I suffer BPD? I dont know anymore.

After four years of therapy with her, I became very reluctant to continue the medication she prescribed for me. I was taking AD's for more than 15 years allready and my deppresions grew worrse and became more frequent and chronic. Her solution was to prescribe a cocktail of AD's. I swallowed them but did not get any bettter, but instead was feeling worse. She prescribe another one, and another one, and another one, after a while I grew tyred of them, and said that I didnt want to take them anymore.
At that time I was using and being prescribed with, a cocktail of AD's, sleeping pills, benzo's,and AP. I swallowed five different pills a day and only became more sick, and less able to function.
A suffered fatigue, I felt sedated all the time,muscle and joints pain, migranes, blurry vision, I swollen up to the size of a ballon, numbness,my stomach was upset all the time, I was nauseated, I became very forgetfull and confused, and became more depressed instead of less depressed. To me it was clear that it was from the medication. I didnt want to take them any longer.

So I started to wean myself of of the medication. First I weaned myself of the AP ( wich I only took for a very short time). Then of of the sleeping pills and then off of one of the AD's. and I didnt take anymore benzo's.
She did not agree with me going of medication and we got into a big argument about it. That happend last year.
I could not convince her that if my symptomps would grew worse I would go on the prescibed medication again, I wasnt and still am not against taking mediacation, but after 15 years with no significant improvement of my symptoms, and suffering all the side effects, I think I really tried and gave medication a fair change.

Now I am only on a very low dose of one AD, and I feel better physically. I am not tyred all the time, I have no more migraines, I do not feel sedated all the time, my memory has improved, my muslce and joints aches are mostly gone, and I dont feel depressed all the time. I have become more assertive, because I feel more emotions again. My head is clearer, and my thinking is better. I can take better care of my child because I dont feel tyred all the time. I dont have to take a nap in the afternoon an a daily basis anymore.

My ex-T did not believe me, she does not agree with me on this, and that was her good right. She blames my critic on the treatment, on the fact that I have lowered my medication. She blames the lack of progress of the therapy on my lowered medication use.

Maybe she is right, from her point of view, as a mediacal doctor. But ever since I lowered my medication I havent felt severly depressed. ( allmost a year now). I am more active and feel more alive.

The downside of lowering the medication is that my anxiety has increased, I am very sensitive to every kind of emotion right now, and my emotions feel more intense and will easier overwhelm me, than they did when I was using more medication. But when my emotions overwhelm me, it doesnt take much time to get out of that state, while before on a higher dose of medication, It was much harder for me to get out of the overwhelming emotions and the duration of the impact was longer.

.....Sorry for this has become a very long post, and a bore to read........

I dont know, why It wnet wrong between her and me. I is partly me, not willing to go along her medication programm anymore, and partly her for not being albe to try something alse than medication.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Sterre- First hugs. Second, your english is great. Third- good for you for having the courage to question the pharma issue- regardless of what your T has to say. If you feel better in some ways without the use of pharma, then you are right to question it.

Medication helps with some, while for others it is highly ineffective. I believe that it is fairly universal that in the E.U. we have the same practices as the U.S.A. for medicine, in general. Some doctors write prescriptions, others seek out more natural methods- it depends on what the practice is significant to or specializing in. But regardless, managing your symptoms is what is vital. Anxiety included.

I believe that you need a new T. If your therapist had been seeing you for more than four years and she had never recognized your condition or diagnosed it as cptsd and you yourself had to point it out to her, then there is a problem. Find a T that specializes in trauma, and promotes health and anxiety issues with natural remedies while still believing in medication when necessary. This is a hard thing to find- a doctor who believes in both. But they do exist, especially in the E.U. You are not wrong for not wanting to pop a pill in order to feel better, or worse in your case. In the case of PTSD- for most people, popping pills is a bridge, and not a solution. And it is not the only way to do things. You are right to question that and to take a stand for it if you believe that medication was disabling you instead of enabling you. Do not for a moment put that blame on yourself.

 

[Sterre]

Wow, thank you Simplekindofgirl, for reading the whole post ;), and for giving some helpfull support!

It estranged me as well that she did not diagnose me with Complex trauma coming from her initiative, but coming from me.Sometimes it can me me feel insecure about the truth of the diagnosis, but when I read about Complex trauma there is just to much recognision going on.
I also followed a training of 6 months that was helpfull, ( I found it, and she arranged it for me) the training was for woman who suffered Complex trauma, and in general we all had similair symtomps and backgrounds.
So, I believe the diagnosis is accurate.

I do believe, for myself, and in my particulair case, that the AD's, and other medication, where a bridge, and for a while that medical bridge was helpfull.
But the side effect of the medication was that it kept my ratio and my feelings split ( and for me that seems to be my biggest problem and obstacle in learning coping skills). I can learn on a rationel level quitte easlily but it fades away just as easlily, I have to learn on a emotional level. When I am on a higher dose of medication I cannot connect to my emotions anymore. In case of feeling depressed and sad that is a good thing, but in order to heal and deal with my emotions and to learn coping skills, it is not helpfull to not be able to connect to my disfunctional emotions. I will not be albe to leanr how to cope with them, or learn what triggers me, and sets me off.

So if I take more medication it will mean my symptoms are pushed away and not dealt with, and therefor it will mean life long medication, because I will never learn to cope with them.
I think there are symptoms that I will never learn to cope with or that I can handle, but in order to judge what those symptoms are and how far I can reach in order to heal myself, I have to be less sedated.( at least for a while, till I am convinced that there are things that are better left sedated)

I dont know if any of this makes sense, sorry for rambling.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I think the "therapeutic window" is a concept all trauma T.s shoulld be familar with.

"Treatment Process Issues and the Therapeutic Window
A major implication of the self-trauma model is that many adult survivors of severe childhood abuse expend considerable energy addressing trauma-related distress and insufficient self capacities with avoidance mechanisms. In other words, the survivor whose reexperienced CERs to traumatic memories generally exceeds his or her internal affect regulation capacities is forced to continually invoke dissociation, substance abuse, thought suppression, and other avoidance responses to maintain internal equilibrium. These avoidance strategies are used at several levels: (a) to reduce awareness of (and therefore susceptibility to) potential environmental triggers, (b) to lessen awareness of memories once they are triggered, and (c) to reduce cognitive and emotional activation once CERs to these memories are evoked. In the absence of such protective mechanisms, the individual is likely to become overwhelmed by anxiety and other negative affects on a regular basis -- especially when exposed to triggers of traumatic memory in the environment. As a result, avoidance defenses are viewed as necessary survival responses by some survivors, and overly enthusiastic or heavy-handed attempts by a therapist to remove such “resistance,” “denial,” or "dissociative symptoms" may be seen as potential threats to the client's internal equilibrium. For this reason, the psychotherapeutic process must proceed carefully to avoid overwhelming the client and reinforcing the use of additional avoidance responses that otherwise would further impede therapeutic progress.
The process of effective psychotherapy may be conceptualized, in part, as taking place in the context of a therapeutic window. (Briere, 1996). This window refers to that psychological location between overwhelming exposure and excessive avoidance wherein therapeutic interventions are most helpful. Such interventions are neither so nondemanding as to provide inadequate exposure and processing, nor so evocative or powerful that the client's delicate balance between trauma activation and self capacity is tipped toward the former. In other words, interventions that take the therapeutic window into account are those that challenge and motivate psychological growth, desensitization, and cognitive processing, but do not overwhelm internal protective systems and thereby retraumatize and motivate unwanted avoidance responses.

Interventions that undershoot the therapeutic window are those that either (a) completely and consistently avoid traumatic material, including any exploration of childhood abuse, or (b) are focused primarily on support and validation in a client who could, in fact, tolerate greater exposure and processing of traumatic material. Undershooting interventions are rarely dangerous; they can, however, waste time and resources at times when more effective therapeutic interventions might be possible."
Source: Link Removed

 

[Sterre]

Wow, Bloominwinter! That is so accurate! The last piece of that text makes my jaw drop in recognision!
Thank you for the article, it makes much sense to me, and it is a well fitting description of what happend between her and me. I wanted more exposure and such, I was ready for it, as strange as it may seem, I was ready for digging into the trauma's and the hurt, I was ready to explore beyond my comfortzone, but my T wasnt ready for it, or did not believe me to be ready for it.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((sterre))))))

Hoping this helps. :>

 

[KP the nut]

((((Sterre)))), just checking in on how you are. Thinking about you.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

((((Sterre)))) Hugs from me too. :)

 

[Sterre]

Thank you all!

I am stable at his moment. After the initial panic attacks and fear of the break up with my T, I feel okay for now.
As I worte in another topic, I send an email to DR. Onno vd Hart, who is a well known dutch author and therapist, for people who suffer Complex trauma.
He responded, and gave me the adress of a Therapist that is specialised in working with people who suffer from Complex trauma.
I wrote her an email and now have anappointment sheduled for the 23 of januari 2012.
I am patiently waiting till that time.

This week ( Thursday) I have a final appointment with my ex-T. I am not looking forward to it, because now that I have found a balance I am affraid that the final appointment will trigger symptomes again.

I know i have to go trough with the appointment in order to close 6 years of therapy with her, but I dont know what to say to her, and I dont know what she wants to say to me.
I am not looking forward to the appointment.