Therapy Resistant?

[KP the nut]

I will light a candle and send strength and positive thoughts for Thursday. I am pleased you have a new T who specialises in your sort ot complex trauma.

I wish you peace and healing
KP

 

[Sterre]

Ohhh KP that is a wonderfull and sweet gesture! Thank you for that!!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((sterre))))))

*Linking Arms*

This last appointment will be triggering but allow you to stand up for yourself and choose to leave the relationship behind as YOU wish to. Good for you!

Wishing you comfort and the hopes that you can remember to 'take us with you' to that appointment, knowing we'll be cheering you on. :>

 

[Sterre]

Wow, that is a wonderfull thought Bloom!
I am going to remember it when I step into the office thursday.

And I am going to prepare myself for the appointment instead of just letting it happen. It is smart advise Bloom, to point out to me that it is a change to leave/close the relationship as I wish to.

 

[ELM]

Sterre, how did it go?

I know how though it can be breaking up with your T. I stopped seeing mine at the end of september, after 1,5 years of therapy and not feeling any better. What a rollercoaster of feelings :confused: My GP then wrote a letter to get me tested at the hospital (my therapist simply refused a diagnosis) and since 2 weeks I know it's PTSD.
(By the way, I speak Dutch too :) but I live in Belgium)

I hope you're okay and keep my fingers crossed that you will get the help you need from your new T.

 

[Sterre]

Thanks ELM for asking! Ah, a belgian, how nice!:)

I cancelled the appointment that was sheduled for today, because I wasnt up for it. This month is a very busy and emotinally heavy time for me, and I dont want to cause extra grief or pain to myself right now. So the appointment is sheduled to 26 januari 2012.
I want to say a proper goodbye to her, and I see the importance of a good closure, but I want to protect myself right now for to many strong emotions, as I have enough on my plate right now.

I am doing relativily okay, and I want to stay balanced now till I handled all the things I have to handle this month.
In the new year there is hopefully plenty of emotional space for me to handle the grief and sadness that the closure will bring to me.

 

[ELM]

I think you made a good decision.
Take care!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((sterre)))))

Take us with you. Hope it goes well! I have no doubt you have all you need to be ok with whatever comes up.

 

[Sterre]

Bumping up an old topic.

Today I had the final meeting with my former Psycdoc/T.
It was the wrap up from breaking the contact in November 2011. I felt scared and nervous before entering her office, because I didnt know how to wrap up six intense years of failed therapy in one hour.

I still have a lot of mixed feeling about it.

The conversation was nice and good. We discussed what went wrong, with respect for each others feelings.
It wasnt a shallow nor a deep analytical conversation.

She admitted that she wasnt very good in directing someone towards a goal, but was more into giving support. She is a follower instead of a leader, and there where times that I needed her to lead me trough my confusion and pain, instead of following me there.

She said that she was always very carefull with her clients, and therefor knew she was not someone to push trough or to confront someone. Her strength was in the supporting area.
And that was precisly what bothered me when I was in therapy with her, I felt we didnt make a lot of progress, and that she was always so supportive. Wich was really nice and valueable, but it also made me very insecure. I felt it that she didnt trust my abbility to stand confrontations or real traumawork.
During those six years I was waiting for a signal from her for whenever she tought I was ready to start the real trauma work.
But she never did so.


Anyway...the conversation was allright, and we splitt with no hard feelings of conflict. It is done, and it is okay.

Thnaks to everyone who supported me while this was going on!

 

[KP the nut]

(((Sterre))), yay to you. Be proud of yourself.

Now give yourself time to recover from what I'm sure was an extremely stressful and poss triggering appointment. Relax, breathe and ground.

 

[BloomInWinter]

WOW!!!!! GREAT JOB!!!!!!!
:tup:
((((((Sterre))))))

 

[Helliepig]

I think i used to get things from my previous T's, but we never got near the real stuff ...but there was an element of showing up and trying hard and pretending I was improving, for them somehow....going through the motions. maybe to make the T happy or to avoid being rejected by being resistant and beyond help I did this ??because my parents were useless and I had grown up with having to make allowances and be disappointed in people.

My current T pushes me into places I don't want to go (even though I do, if you know what i mean) and is equal to anything I throw at her. She has that peculiar quality of being more than I expect, deeper than I knew, a better person than I'd hoped for. One of the very few in my life.

I think that ties in somehow to what Maddog is saying, but perceived in a different way maybe?? That somehow we can get into replaying patterns with some therapists but the ones who really really help us are the ones who spot the games a mile off and never let it get there..... they keep us on our toes.

This was brought home to me recently by my T telling me about how she chooses clients. She saw one lady and then, after 2 sessions, T and her agreed (more T i suspect) not to work together because this person was looking for a parent not a therapist. I know exactly that feeling with people, - it happens to me all the time as a doctor and until recently, with some of my friends. I am beginning to spot it now. But if that dynamic gets set up, or any other, with your T, then it's hard to move anything forward without them being able to see and challenging the dynamic... that's when therapy gets stuck, when the T is not perceptive or strong enough or confronting or damn well grown up enough to give as good as they get and to correct your thinking....even if it causes friction. Could that be the same feeling others of you are articulating????????

Don't forget a lot of us have grown up with ineffective, people, overgrown kids who can't help anyone else, even their own children, who's ego we learn to protect at our own expense.... and who taught us to expect nothing, that our feelings were too much. That transference can be so strong in abused people that with an unwary therapist, it blinds the therapist and strangles therapy.