Survived Deposition

[Meadowsweet]

Gloria, however scared you are, to me you are really inspirational. Its your attitude in realising that the system is wrong that is wonderful. Nobody can change a system by themselves, but you've recognised the problem and spoken out about it, and that is something to be really proud of.

 

[august heart]

Wow and I thought I was alone in some of these areas of topic guess I was wrong again. Thanks for sharing.

Glad you found the strength I pray, I do.

 

[Gloria]

Going to the deposition after practicing with my lawyer who told me they would try to break me. I begged him to please ask me the worst questions they will ask. My lawyer asked me what my father did to me and to tell him the details, etc., etc., etc. Knowing that these ugly, fat, bald mean bastards were going to smirk and make fun of me about my horrible experiences, I still went to the deposition. Somone on the forum gave me a rosary to hold. I did it.and if I could do it, you can also. Brat, you are the only one that really understands how traumatic it was to be beat up and arrested when you never did anything wrong in your life. This was worst for me because I was very well behaved child but was brutally abused physically and forced to live in a basement and not fed. It was facing my darkest fears and I did it.

 

[Gloria]

Because of the holidays, I have been catching up with friends that I haven't talked to very much over the three year course of the lawsuit. They asked about the lawsuit and I would just say that there was one too many threats and after three years I dropped it. They asked more questions and I couldn't believe how upset and angry I got. Like I want to repeat everything that happened all over again? Some of them just don't "get it" that the law allowed the lawyers to pschologically abuse me even more. No, I didn't get any money. In fact, the whole thing probably cost me over $15,000 in total expenses.

I remember I was wearing Winnie the Pooh coveralls the day I got beat up by three big police officers. Then the other day at the thrift shop, I saw these one piece really soft and warm Winnie the Pooh pajamas and got these feeling I really didn't like Winnie the Pooh but I didn't remember why and bought them anyway.

Then this morning, I wore my pajamas out to the barn to let the horses out and remembered why I didn't like Winnie the Pooh anymore. Suddenly, I am standing in my pajamas in my driveway in the freezing cold and a terrible fear of the police came over me. I thought the pajamas would attract them just like sugar attracks yellow jackets. I immediately realized that the police cars weren't going to pile up in my driveway with police yelling "Put your hands up! You are under arrest". But Winnie the Pooh was my favorite thing to dress my sons in but not anymore. Now, the Pooh reminds of something dark and ugly.

I'm very happy now - no reminders of the incident. I still have to destroy the files in my burn pile but it's on my list and I fully intend to try to do that this week. Then the only thing that will remind me is running into my ex but I told my therapist, I haven't seen him and hope he is dead. I haven't heard from my family of origin and since they are 30 years older than me, I wonder when I can feel safe that they are dead. With people living so long is it 80, 85, 90, 95? They could live to be 100. I could check the obituaries because they would definitely run an obituary in the Chicago Tribune but if they aren't there, I will be disappointed. Same thing with Facebook, it's best to just avoid the whole thing. For me anyway.

I still don't think my therapist should have pushed me to continue the lawsuit. I am so happy now that I am not dreading a letter from my attorney in the mail.

 

[mamachick]

A crisis therapist told me that pushing for the lawsuit would be more valuable than all the xanax in the world. I think she was right. The dont realize the crazy attorneys and legal system though. The do need to know how corrupt that system is. I am sorry that you invested so much (emotionally and financially) and received nothing in return. We never know what would have happened if we didnt do what we did, but I consider the idea that if you did not fight this all this time(directed anger to appropriate party), you could have lost much more if the anger ended up being directed inward. Im just glad you are here to tell the facts. I bet that you are 15,000 stronger too.

Im glad you realized about Pooh, I liked Pooh too. I had a realization a few days ago too. When I get a chill, I retreat to my bed, so summer is much better. Its the only place in this 3000 ft house that I feel safe. While posting about safety on another thread, I realized that when I feel cold, it is so much more than discomfort, it is the frigid combined with fear, and the urge to "flight" is nearly uncontrollable, my bed is the place I retreated to after being drug from my home half naked into the freezing cold. I come into my bedroom and bring both of my dogs, I have my tv and computer, and lots of clean white down comforters to keep me warm. I have gained nearly 20 pounds doing this. The inability to use my right arm and hand is also a reminder. It was injured by the pig.

While I do not want to stay angry about my 4th amendment rights being violated, about being conditioned to fear police, about women being dis-empowered with government permission, about a lawyer without ethics and a system without justice; I also realize that anger is a motivating force for change. I do not have alot of anger as I once did, but I have enough that I could muster up more if I needed to , to fight the injustice and fight for a related cause. I bet Rosa Parks was pissed. Im not ready to let it all go.

So maybe staying in my bed all winter is just how I rejuvenate and build strength to stand up and fight on a different level and when the time is right.

Gloria, do you ever think that there is something else that you are meant to do with your experience, that maybe it is on a bigger level, such as working with state legislatures on changing laws, or supporting families of those who have been fatally abused.? I wish I had a stronger faith in God, but I do think the "world" brings us experiences to give us the opportunity to help others less fortunate and give back to the world.

 

[Njlady]

It is my prayer that somehow this will help someone else.

I am new to this list but just reading your post even though it was awhile ago I feel your pain. I so believe that the system needs to really look at courpution in the legal system. I have court next wee. Depos..Wish me luck...

<edited Nicolette: no need to quote entire post - only relevant section you are responding to thank you>

 

[Gloria]

I
I am new to this list but just reading your post even though it was awhile ago I feel your pain. I so believe that the system needs to really look at courpution in the legal system. I have court next wee. Depos..Wish me luck...

I have a confession, I was harassed and threatened by one of the police that I had the lawsuit with. This guy really has a problem but I did NOTHING. I didn't go to the emergency room because I had no way to explain the injury and I am not a good liar but I will never try to fight the government in the Midwest. My friends in Wyoming and other states say that it would never happen there but every day on the news, there are corrupt politicians. Obama was my senator and how they groom and promote politicians is very apparent to me. I have to say this but if they ever threaten my life again, I will defend myself next time even it means dying because if I expect the "laws" to protect me, they won't. I didn't defend myself in the last month because I didn't know how much danger I was in. You know a big man can kill me easily. But somehow I just got over it and I'm doing well but never again will I fight the system - not in the U.S. and not in this area of the country. I think Canada is better but I do know that the police in Mexico traffic drugs and the government gets a percentage. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Looking back on history, the government got away killed minorities and undesirables - in Poland, the Nazis, even in Greece. It's nothing new. I wish you the best of luck in your court case and hope you live in an area with an honest government.

Keep me posted??? Okay?
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

Gloria, do you ever think that there is something else that you are meant to do with your experience, that maybe it is on a bigger level, such as working with state legislatures on changing laws, or supporting families of those who have been fatally abused.? I wish I had a stronger faith in God, but I do think the "world" brings us experiences to give us the opportunity to help others less fortunate and give back to the world.

Brat,
When my brother committed suicide, I did think that it happened for a reason and spent several years speaking at churchs and working with suicide prevention groups. It was exhausting to have to relive my pain but I still have people come up to me and tell me that I changed their lives. I had this speech about shame and guilt and talked about the terrible shame associated with suicide. I was a civil rights activist and worked with one the most famous Afro-American civil rights activist in the country (who is a pig and made a pass at a young pretty WHITE girl) when I volunteered for Operation PUSH. I have done so much activist work. At the post office the worker was making fun of a man who couldn't speak English and I got involved because I taught English as a second language to immigrants and know how terribly difficult it is to learn a new language and fit in.

I'm done. Period. I am not just a dizzy blonde that is going to have fun. I'm not in good health and I want to enjoy the rest of my life. I do believe in God and I thinks when He sees me, He will say "Well done, my faithful servant. You did the best you could." Or I could go to Hell for something I had no idea was a sin.:p I just do the best I can.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

Gloria, Well said. There comes a time to just enjoy your life, and I am with you on that. You have done a lot. Im glad you are focusing on your health and enjoyment, Im sure the first statemtent is what God see's.

 

[Gloria]

The thing that helped me overcome my terror of police is that the police department in my area spent 7 hours trying to catch my horses when they got loose. I wish I could have seen it because from I heard, they were falling in the mud and my horses were terrible. I ended up writing the Chief or Police and asked him to thank all the officers (7 squad cars because my horses were near a busy intersection and did cause quite a commotion) and pictures and information about the horses and the equine therapy that I do. The chief sent me back a humorous response and now all the police know me as the horse lady. Most people call me the "chicken lady" because I bring eggs to the poor. I hate that NAME!!!:eek:

I don't ever think I've been happier in my life. It's different for everyone but I already stood up for myself and know that I am very brave - even as a child to protect my mother or siblings. I don't need to prove it. Once the police started threatening and I saw the corruption, I should have gotten out but people didn't believe the police beat me up for no reason and then they didn't believe they could away with it.

Hello! It's going on all over the world and has been since the beginning of mankind. They are also the people that think that every disease and cancer is treatable??? Honestly?

 

[mamachick]

Those people IMO are like those who use t not think women got abused by men. They pose the same questions about the police as they did about abusive men about 20 yrs ago.
What did you do to make him so mad?
He must have had a reason, what happened?
Did you say something that made him mad?
You mean you didnt do anything, he just (attacked or arrested )you for nothing?
Well what where the charges?

There is little difference. Honestly??? Not a consideration of holding the abuser responsible, blame the person who has been abused.

 

[Gloria]

Yes, I remember when I was 18 and came and was married to a mental patient. I went to my mother black and blue and she told me that a man has the right to hit his wife and asked me what I did. Then she refused to let me stay at her house because "I made my bed and I had to lie in it".

My mom had M.S. and never cuddled, kissed me or told me she loved me. I never had a mother and when older women would try to mother me, I did not want it. I am my own person.