I Want To Just Give Up

[Deleted member 1860]

My anxiety is so crippling that I've just shut down. Right now I'm completely non-functional. My accomplishment of the day was getting out of bed and taking a shower. Pathetic, huh?

I don't have any friends anymore. Most of them never understood why I didn't just go out and get a 40hr a week, 9-5 job. Right now I'm on disability and pretty much non functional with no support.

And all I can think is "this is it." What a sad life to live. No friends, can't support myself. I just want to give up because I don't think anything is going to get any better and I don't want to live like this.

Yes, you're going to say call my therapist. She can't do anything. I've been in therapy for years now and things just don't get better. Changing therapists would be fruitless, as I've seen dozens.

I just don't see the point anymore.

And part if me hopes I don't even get any replies so in my mind, I'll be right. =-/

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((ScaredOfLonely)))))

I went through a period of losing my 'friends' and now that I'm further down that road, realized I deserved far better than I was getting from them.

It has taken awhile, but now I do have some real friends.

More importantly, I am working on my friendship with my self.

What does your self want to do with you? Go to a movie? See a play? Go to a roller rink? Get a pike of trasy novels and curl up in fuzzy jammies?

How about having a playdate with your self and being a friend to her tonight, and see where that leads?

I think it's normal healing for us to no longer 'fit' around dysfunctional people.

 

[milbert]

((((((SOL))))))

 

[BloomInWinter]

It is part of the process to begin to look inward and see what's there.

...and to grow an identity and find that our tolerance for those who are invalidating, unsupportive, or just don't fit oue new lives to be shed like a bad sweater.

"Equally important, however, is the need for the client to, literally, discover what he or she feels about current things, abuse-related or otherwise. Because the external- directedness necessary to survive abuse generally works against self understanding and identity, the survivor is encouraged to explore his or her own likes and dislikes, views regarding self and other, entitlements and obligations, and other aspects of self, in the context of the therapist's support and manifest acceptance. This more broad, less specifically abuse-focused intervention is, in some sense, "identity-training:" providing the survivor with the opportunity to discover what he or she thinks and feels, above-and-beyond what others think and feel." Source: Link Removed

 

[Heather]

SOL - I wish I had something magical to say that would make it all better. However, I can relate to how you feel. I'm right there with you, dealing with the exact same struggles.

It's a huge effort to get out of bed and push myself to do things....when I have no urge to do so. Although, I will admit that yesterday and today I took my daughter sleigh riding. Just getting out of the house helped a lot. Today I even got on the sled with her and went down the hill a bunch of times and it was a lot of fun.

So, maybe if you can take some of Bloom's suggestions you'll ultimately feel little better. I know it'll be really hard at first and you'll have to push yourself to do it. But I think it will be worth it in the end.

Good luck. Will be thinking of you.

Hugs. Heather

 

[a3a2]

Hugs to you, SOL. I've been there. Take small steps. Sometimes getting out of bed is a great victory.

 

[Lionheart]

(((((((SOL))))))))

I feel this way too tonight. I call it being 'soul-weary'. I have different reasons perhaps, but the suffering is the same. My heart goes out to you.

hope you feel better soon,
LH

 

[mamachick]

Hugs for you
I feel the same. I havent felt this way in a very long time. No hope of having any purpose, undeserving, unlovable, I can name things but the bottom line is that I have given up. No support system, no job, no family , no friends, nothing to offer the world.

 

[Belle]

My anxiety is so crippling that I've just shut down. Right now I'm completely non-functional. My accomplishment of the day was getting out of bed and taking a shower. Pathetic, huh?

Nope not pathetic, that is what happens when your mind has had enough

And all I can think is "this is it." What a sad life to live. No friends, can't support myself. I just want to give up because I don't think anything is going to get any better and I don't want to live like this.

But feeling like that is understandable. Things will get better. Even if only for an hour or so at first.
I won't say call your therapist. I will say keep talking about how you feel. ((((((BIGHUGS))))))

 

[heidi]

I think it's fighter fatigue. I don't know if you read 'violenceatwork's' post in this topic area?. But I've been thinking a lot about what he said. You do have to fight for everything. And sometimes you look at the results and you realize you put way more effort into life then you get out. But then hopefully after a time you rest and get ready to fight some more. And then resting isn't really resting it's just not doing things you should so it's not restful. I guess it would be better to say after some giving up and frustration you get ready to try again.

Here is a link to that post. You have to scroll down to the bottom.
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/tired-of-fighting.22274/[/DLMURL]

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have nothing left in me.

I sit and wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared? If one day I just vanished. I seriously don't think anyone would notice, let alone care.

More and more I see the pointlessness in it all. I can't support myself, know I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. My symptoms don't get any better. I don't want to live like this anymore.

 

[heidi]

Well you said this time of year is hard for you. Maybe you could just could just count down the days until DLS time ends (March 11)?