How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[Nam]

Doing well here. Hub says I'm starting to stress a bit and I tend to get a bit quiet when I do that. It's a good stress though. It just means I have things to do that require some thought.

I breastfed my little one right through the meds against doctor's advice. Can you believe that? I really thought that if I quit nursing her, I'd be in the hospital. That little girl that needed me so much kept me sane. I did my own research about meds while nursing and find that everything has it's risk. Mine just happens that the risk of me dying from not breastfeeding was higher than my child being at risk while nursing with drugs. This however, is very hard to explain to a pill pusher psychiatrist. My little one is now two and still nurses every once in a while. Amazingly I still have milk even if she doesn't nurse for weeks. (I swear I'll be lactating until I'm sixty....) She especially needs it after a nightmare and I'm glad that I can help her ease back into sleep. I wish I had something so comforting like that to go back to sleep after a terror dream.

 

[Marlene]

Guess the weekend caught up with me this afternoon. I spent quite a while walking around the back yard thinking and working through things in my mind. It was beautiful outside today. When I came back inside, hubby wanted to know what was up. So I told him-with the stipulation that if he asked, he got told the truth. We had a good talk...both got things off of our chests without raised voices. Nice to be back to 'us' for a change.

I taught both girls how to change the dressings on their dad's burns in case I'm not around. He could do it in a pinch, but it's easier for someone else to do it. I'm also getting pretty good at wrapping his legs up. I told him it's a good thing I like ancient Egypt since it feels like I'm mummifiying him. :smile:

 

[goingonhope]

Fairly good day, I must say. Mostly bc my husband engaged the kids, freeing up much needed time for me. I too had a great time, well with my son this afternoon. He and I played tickling games, for quite sometime. He encourages and loves this. Oh' yeah, and him and my daughter spent time writing out lists for Santa. With catologues, paper and pen in hands they set about to write a wish list knowing full well that only some gifts would hopefully be forthcoming, come X'mas. Not their fault they want anything, believe me they've been encouraged all the way from people like me and extended family. Ah' not such a good value, but I taught it anyways. And, something that has made this day especially good is that I'm not going about my days acting and pretending anymore to be calm, cool and collect like nothing bothers me, I feel nothing and you can't reach me. Doing my best to be myself and allow myself to be vulnerable...Every day vulnerable. Something I've never encouraged or invited before in my life, until I actually understood something vital from within this forum. Simply allowing myself to be vulnerable (within reason), I'll tell you is making me a lot less tired. I've been exhausting myself for too long hopelessly pretending.

 

[Andrea42]

I feel very depressed today :( my husband and i are just not getting along.... we fought all weekend...and this wednesday the 8th is 4years that we have been married....dont know if to ignore the day or say something...might actually be unappropriate to say something i guess.....i feel hurt and i dont think we will last too much longer....i am starting to feel very distant (as im sure he is) and he doesnt believe me when i tell him i do not want to be around for when he gets so angry to the point where he gets violent (i feel it will get worse, and i am scared) i wish there was something to save our marriage because i really do love him and i know he is the one for me....

 

[cookie]

andrea, if not already so, please see if you can get some marriage counseling,if he has a therapist already that might be the best way. praying for your marriage. why don't you go ahead and give him at least a card. if you don't, he may read that as an "i don't want this any more". we can be a little more paranoid than the average bear.

 

[Nam]

Not doing so hot today. Kinda slipped a bit. Losing momentum from the previous awesome week. I hope to get that energy and motivation back because along with it came confidence, and that is HUGE for me.

 

[nov_silence]

I hear that Nam. Last week was great. I felt happy for the first time in years. I felt emotionally connected with my husband, with my dogs. Then the bad dreams, the waking in early am hours, daring the sun to rise, dammit, rise. A tough Sat and Sunday. Upping my meds. A little Scotch to get me through tonight. Down to my last ciggie. Husband won't be home for hours. I savor the peace of aloneness that allows me to hide, but hate the emptiness. So I build an empire of Blank. Hating the guy on the bus who kept leaning on me in his sleep, openly staring at the little baby girl with the dark eyes taking in the light. I willed myself not to cry. To weep at that sweet picture of young father and daughter in their world of love and adoration. And I thought about my own dad, at the pictures that show the connection we once shared. Funny how things shift drastically. And suddenly we are strangers. And as much as I don't want to know him, to forget he gave life to me, to forget the rod and staff he bore with resilence upon my back. There is something that mourns. That fFeels like an orphan-child yearning for that which maybe never was in my waking years. I don't trust feeling, I shun it really. I am tired of the pain. The wondering. The anger. The thoughts of death. Of mindless computer images. Watching them bleed wishing it were my own blood. Feeling the itch and burn of my left hand, inside forearm. Ready for judgement, condemnation, a new beginning of the Fall. I hold my breath waiting for the Inside to dissapate to a lesser shadow.

 

[kimG]

So so here today. Didn't get much sleep last night. Woke around 2 am to the sound of daughter #1 banging on our door and the smoke alarm going off. Opening the bedroom door, Warren and I saw the carpet downstairs on fire. :angry-fla Turns out a log from the fireplace fell out and set the carpet on fire (our insert has glass doors, but they were taken off because they are awkward to use and don't track right).

Not too much damage, though. Smoke detectors were very sensitive, as there was very little smoke involved (mostly just fumes from the carpet smoldering and the padding underneath melting). In fact, didn't smell a thing today when I got home from work (yeah!). Had to cut out an oval piece of carpet about 15 inches long where it burned and had to scrape the melted padding. Hardwood floor underneath was damaged (about a 4 inch by 8 inch oval), burned into the wood. Made Warren put the doors back on the insert. 90 minutes later, it was pretty much cleaned up.

Funny thing, Warren and I had been talking about pulling the carpet up and going back to the hardwood floors; guess this is our chance!

Needless to say, though, I couldn't get back to sleep; hypervigilance set in real quick. Paranoid that the carpet and floor was still burning. Isn't bad enough that I wake at every little sound, sure someone is breaking in or stealing the car; now I will be worried about the house burning down. <sigh>

3 hours later I had to get up for work. Dragged my butt to work and made it through the day - how, I'm not sure.

Tonight is better. Warren and the girls cleaned the house! The girls had off school and he took off work to be with them. Had chinese food for dinner - yummy! Tomorrow we're all off; not sure what we'll do, but we'll do it together.

Interesting, though...we're having a new insert delivered tomorrow. Go figure.

 

[anthony]

Wow... lucky Kim. I am glad everyone is alright and it didn't get out of hand. Thank goodness...

 

[GR-ass]

sighs

Slept all day yesterday. So glad my mum offered her bed (and air con).

Remind me again WHY I live in Townsville when I hate the heat?

I'm sure you should be able to breath out doors. . . right?

Other then that. . . . I'm starting to actually feel again. Not sure if i really appreciate the muddle my emotions are in but I'm getting there.

 

[wildfirewildone]

I have slept most of the last 2 days away....just could not bear the idea of going out....I think that I have now set it firmly in my mind that I will go out tomorrow.....WANT TO VOTE!!!!!! This is a very important governor race here in OHIO.....No more Republicans for me!!!!!!! The poor, homeless, and disabled have had too many important services taken away from them!!!!...then the Republican Governor was convicted of 4 ethics charges and did not even resign!!!! Screw that party!!!! I am voting for Ted Strickland!!!! :claps: I have been getting rather cold....my son sent two different winter coats....one too small.....the other defective....so to the post office I will go to tomorrow!!!! Then I need to get groceries and do a load of wash....Busy! Busy! Busy! I am grateful that my body has stopped it's violent shaking!!! That's been a real bitch on and off these past few weeks since I decided to get off one med [with psychodoc approval] then when the nightmares and physical symptoms got overwhelming I decided I needed to go back on [also with psychodoc's approval] It has taken quite a while for my systems to get balanced out!!! Hopefully tomorrow goes better!!!:crazy-eye I have had to come to terms with myself that for now I needed that Remeron as I work on my TRAUMA....My ex stopped by yesterday afternoon....to bring me 4 bags of cat food and 2 huge buckets of cat litter....I think that he is mellowing in his old age....Okay by me....I was about out of all that cat stuff....Tomorrow it is to rain....okay by me....I feel more comfortable under cloudy and rainy skies!!!! I know that's odd....but boy do I LOVE the rain!!!!!!!!:rofl:

 

[anthony]

Are yes.... I am now appreciative of moving down South with no more Townsville summers.