General Lying And Ptsd? Is This A Common Symptom?

[confused]

My partner of 18 months has recently suffered a major episode of ptsd. He has been lying to me a lot, and trying to compartmentalize his life (eg keeping work away from family, not wanting me to mix with his family etc)
I's this common to ptsd sufferers, or another problem altogether?
He is ex special ops

 

[amethist]

Hi confused.

Maybe the following linked thread will give you some answers. But as most supporters probably will say, lying is not exceptable in any relationship.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/what-to-do-about-lying-and-trust-issues.20771/[/DLMURL]

 

[BloomInWinter]

Hi Confused,

Can you share more info? Was he different before? Does he allow you access to all financial info, knowledge about when he is working (though knowing he can't share details), people he spends time with?

Are you close to any of his family?

I can't give much info based upon what you shared, but if you're not safe sharing I hope you'll see a T.

 

[wife of]

The very fact that he is ex special ops may well be contributing to this !

Covert,need to know,the less you know of given situations then the less you can use against him?

Just the thoughts of a former service wife.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Here's some info on identifying abuse, which can be helpful to either confirm inappropriate behavior or show that behavior is not worthy of this criteria.

cmhawrb.on.ca/distress.htm

 

[ISupportHer]

During one of my wife's admissions, I was told by a Social Worker that it was not so much that she was lying to me but that she was Lying to HERSELF. Unable to face things. That helped me see it a different way and to try not to take it so personally.

I know it's hard.

ISH

 

[Srain]

I don't consider myself a liar nor do I consider it a common symptom of my ptsd. Separating out my life was how I was raised but I don't not discuss those with my husband (like this forum) that's not how I am in my relationships.

I'm not saying I don't issues, but being a liar is a character issue not a pstd issue in my opinion.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Lying isn't a symptom of PTSD. But, from what I can gather, the behaviours that show on the surface when we are experiencing symptoms, tend to relate to what the trauma was and the thought processes it developed. So the reactions to symptoms can be quite individual.

I don't know anything about your husbands trauma. But it doesn't seem too wild to imagine that his job may have required him to keep things from people, or for suspicion to be a necessary part of survival.

 

[confused]

Thanks for your input everyone! My partners childhood involved violence and neglect, to the point where he was removed from his parents. He then went into special ops, was married for 20 years, this ended when she cheated on him, and he reacted by moving to a different state from all of his family, including his children. We recently went for a happy family holiday (!!) to meet them, and they set up a devastating situation which ended up causing a huge rift between my partner and I, and resulted in the children and I leaving. This seems to have been the trigger for the PTSD, and since then , Greg has been completely closed off, hardly communicates with me, has put a secret password on his phone, doesn't tell me that he loves me, but when pressed, says 'of course i do".

He finally admitted last week to needing help, and has been seeing an army psych pretty much daily for the past week.

There seems to be some improvement. He is talking to me a bit about his feelings, initiating contact a bit more, and yesterday when I was unwell, left work to come and care for me, when my mother could easily have.

It's very difficult when you love someone so much, and they shut you out. I hope one day he feels safe enough with me to trust me ...

 

[ISupportHer]

OK, perhaps I used the wrong words in my post. It WAS 3 1/2 years ago, I am old and the memory is the first to go. :eek:

I think the words actually were that she was not being honest with herself. Depending on interpretation, that can be different.

ISH

 

[EloiseLandau]

I have PTSD and I go the other direction; don't lie to me, don't fib, don't embellish or garnish the details. If I give it to you without deception, please do the same for me.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It sounds like he is doing the right thing for someone with ptsd. I think sometimes, when the mind is full of stuff, as a sufferer its extremely difficult to communicate whats happening in there.

At times like that, the whole focus has to be on sorting out whats in the mind. It sounds like he is doing that. I know its not easy for the wives or husbands of sufferers.

I think it can be helpful to imagine that the mind is the same as a muscle or physical body part. If your partner had an illness and he was unable to move his legs, it wouldn't be because he doesn't care enough about you. And in a similar way, if your partner hits a period where he is unable to work his mind, its not because he doesn't care about you.

I hope it works out for you both.