Hypervigilance Question

[Anna]

A question in general about hypervigilance. We are all individuals and of course have different experiences, reactions etc...

What if, you had a traumatic experience such as sexual assault and you have been previously trained in combat sports such as martial arts. Has anyone else had this? afterwards you are alert to any threat if you have been assaulted. I was trained in hand to hand combat and martial arts. Since the trauma, one of the positive effects has been the speed in which I can block punches for example, catch balls, stop doors slamming in my face etc... This is postive but negative in that people have started to think I am a bit strange. Sometimes I jump or even say something out loud if people startle me. Or if someones arm comes near me I will put my arm out as if I am defending myself. It is becoming annoying. People say I am cold and arrogant.

I already posted a thread about going through doors and letting people go before me as I don't like people walking behind me. I want to behave as normal as possible, and people have been noticing my odd behaviour. I scan rooms, I also have been told I stare at people a lot like a hawk. Also gorming out into the 1000 yard stare. I really want to help to control this so noone notices. The only way so far was to isolate myself and go read a book somewhere.

How can I pass it off? Can I say I am nervous or shy? I do not want to disclose my illness with people apart from my partner.

 

[anthony]

You cannot hide it, you have to more likely approach the specific behaviours with some exposure therapy to curb a new behaviour model for yourself. That will mean practicing the behaviour so that you don't respond in a negative manner.

 

[Gamereign555]

I had such a hard time in school with that, other kids would play rough with me and I would end up grabbing their arm and twisting it behind their back. I nearly shoved that poor kids face into a brick wall. I wasn't formally trained or anything but was bullied quite a bit as a child by my male relatives. It took me a long time to understand that I didn't have to be so on guard all the time. Other people would make fun of me for putting up my hands in defense too. It kind of makes me realize that there was something there that wasn't normal about me from the start that contributed to my full blown ptsd later on in life, following more recent events.

 

[Panama Pete]

I am hypervigilant also. The only "martial art" I was trained in was 27+ years in the Army, mainly Airborne, Air Assault, Light and Stryker Infantry units along with some staff time. I find myself constantly scanning the terrain as I drive looking for ambush positions. I also scan my surroundings constantly in order to maintain situational awareness. My psychiatrist says this is probably one of the main reasons I have "short term memory loss". I put it that way because he says, and I agree, that I don't really have a memory problem but a concentration problem and it is connected to the hypervigilant state I am always in. The most important step in trying to overcome this is one you have already taken, you have identified the problem so now you can find ways to overcome it or work around it.

 

[anthony]

I put it that way because he says, and I agree, that I don't really have a memory problem but a concentration problem and it is connected to the hypervigilant state I am always in.

Pretty much, yes. Anyone with military training and PTSD will typically be far more hypervigilant than a civilian with PTSD due to combat training.

It is an art in itself to change that behaviour, as a veteran myself... it has taken me a lot of years to deliberately stop caring when out in society about what is going on around me, even though I am still aware, I constantly identify myself doing it and slip into a more casual / blase mindset.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Thank you Panama Pete :) Your description of "short term memory loss" as a concentration deficit fits my observations of my husband, differnt causes but there none the less.

 

[Lav]

I too am hypervigilant, and have trained as a boxer. I also did a stint in the Australian Army.

I like to look at this issue as neither good or bad. Yes the bad side does need to be controlled,for the stress that it puts on your body let alone the social implications. However my hypervigilance has many times saved myself and my partner from quite dangerous situations.

In regards to Anthony's reply, I have recently been trying to relax a bit more in public, but still keeping in touch with my instinctual behaviour.

I'm sure you will sort it out, like others have said, you have identified the problem and it will be an ongoing process. I will take the advice of others and take it into consideration aswell.

 

[Anna]

I like to look at this issue as neither good or bad. Yes the bad side does need to be controlled,for the stress that it puts on your body let alone the social implications. However my hypervigilance has many times saved myself and my partner from quite dangerous situations.

True, with the negative it is always good to see the positive. My son nearly ran in front of a bus a few years back. It was night time and he saw the "floating lights" on the bus and ran out. My husband froze, my mother who was visiting us froze in horror. My arm went out automatically, didn't even think about it. Grabbed him and yanked him back. It hurt him, he cried and shouted, but it stopped him from running in front of the bus.

 

[712xx]

going through doors and letting people go before me as I don't like people walking behind me. I want to behave as normal as possible, and people have been noticing my odd behaviour. I scan rooms, I also have been told I stare at people a lot like a hawk. Also gorming out into the 1000 yard stare. I really want to help to control this so noone notices. The only way so far was to isolate myself and go read a book somewhere.

How can I pass it off? Can I say I am nervous or shy? I do not want to disclose my illness with people apart from my partner.

I really understand this very well. These must be common types of behaviors many of us do as survival tools. I don't think we would do them if they were not helping us to function. Normal people don't think about survival, so they won't associate your actions to it -- thus, your actions seem strange to them.

The behavior comes from our internal struggles, reactions, and impulses. Hit the tendon below a person’s knee and you get a patellar reflex; some can dampen this response at times, but not when they are paying attention to something else. This is like such with ptsd -- we can dampen our responses to a point. We can't possibly pay attention to everything around us all the time. This makes us tired, because our senses are on high alert, especially in new areas. It takes time and practice to decrease our alert system.

I'm an extreme introvert, which put me at an immediate disadvantage when therapists were trying to help me heal and become more normal in my behavior. By normal, I mean the mid-way point between intro and extrovert; this is where most people are naturally. I'm on the extreme I end of the scale (this doesn't mean disordered, just different). I had to work out how to do things that are natural for an extreme intro, yet still be acceptable in general society.

Take the test to find out where your natural personality sits on the intro-extrovert scale. Then you will be able to explain, using personality terms, if people ask you about your behavior. You won't have to tell them about ptsd. I don't think they'd truly understand anyway. There is a misconception that mental illness is a behavior issue, and we just need to learn how to change our behavior and we will be fixed.

This is not so. There is a cause to the behavior that comes from experiences and internalized responses to those experiences. I do not know how to always dampen these responses, or even if you should. We do them for a reason, to help us function. The extreme parts will lessen with time, if you stay in the same place for a long time. If you go to new places a lot, this may take longer.

 

[thematrix]

Anna, I to am hyperviligent. Part of it is ongoing safety concerns..I had a death threat in the past and alot of other things have happened as well similiar to your post. I am on constant alert, out of necessity.I startle easy, if I hear an uxpected loud noise I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin, and my heart races. Logically I know this is ridiculous what I am doing, after the fact, but its involuntary.If there are people around me, they act normal. .I try to pretend I'm fine, when on the inside I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. This is one of the reasons why I isolate, it feels safer. I know I dont have the answer you are looking for, I guess I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone. I do it to.

 

[Curvy]

Panama Pete, that is exactly what my doctor told me about my memory issues. My memory is fine, technically, but I struggle to remember or keep track of things and we think its because of my hyper-vigilance.

I ALWAYS wait for other people to go through doors first. I never walk in front of the group, always behind. In fact even with my husband, I'll walk just one or two steps behind him. It drives him crazy. I dont even think about it, I just do it automatically. I'm aware of every noise and every person, but I forget all the menial things I do. I make mistakes frequently and cannot keep track of things. But I remember every conversation, I notice EVERY move or change of behavior in people. I'm extremely in tune to body language, facial expressions, tone changes etc... It makes me highly intuitive, to the point that when my husband comes home, I can tell without him saying anything if he's been in an argument that day and who it was with. I get very good at recognizing peoples emotions, patterns of behavior etc...

Any new smell or noise that I cannot immediately locate causes extreme anxiety. I cannot stand hearing that people are talking without understanding what they are saying. I have to know where each individual in the house is at and what they are doing. I try to be discreet as I dont want to be overbearing, but it happens automatically. It makes it very hard to concentrate, focus and SLEEP! I wake up when the H goes to bathroom at night and I have anxiety, my heart races and I cannot roll back over to sleep until he is back in bed.

As far as the Original Poster's question, maybe just try not to worry about how other people perceive you. You are working on your issues and that is all you can do. Most people think that either I'm shy, arrogant or dont like them when they first meet me. Those that stick around and get to know me, end up understanding who I really am. I dont feel the need to explain myself to anyone. Im not rude or belittling or bitchy to the people around me. If I want to walk behind everyone I can. If I want to be quiet when we're out and observe more that I participate...that's my choice. I find that the people that REALLY have a problem with this, aren't people I need around me anyway. However, if you'd like a way to pass it off when people ask or notice, just say "I enjoy absorbing my environment first before I participate **smile**"

 

[The Albatross]

In some karate classes (which I very much enjoyed) the instructor noted the difference. I did make a couple of the other class members uncomfortable I think. They didn't readily volunteer to spar with me and muttered to each other (men) "I'd hate to meet her and get on her wrong side in a dark alley."

I accept hypervigilance as part of who I am now, and on accepting it, have seen some subtle shifts... I cast a wide net in a room and quickly scan for threats. But I give myself a time to do that if I need to. I too prefer to go through doors last still, and in groups tend to avoid the middle and be at the edges. I am though comfortable being in a public place with people sitting behind me. None of my traumas where I was physically assaulted hands on were in public places.