Hello everybody
My partner and soon to be mother of my first child was sexually and physically abused by her older brother from the age of 6 to 12. Her mother caught him once and that was the end of it but never told her father so he was never punished. And the subject was never brought up again. They never talked about it so she never learned to deal with it.
During puberty she was very self destructive and did drugs, and after almost OD'ing and suffering psychosis she started to read up on what had happened to her and through lots of self help books and the occasonal psychiatrist she eventually got over it. Her brother actually broke down and apologized to her about 10 years after the facts. So far, so good.
Now fast forward to two years ago. I have been good friends with her brother (ignorant of their past obviously) when his sister and I, both around the age of 35, start dating. He freaks out and tells her never to tell me about what happened 30 years ago because it might destroy his career. This of course hurt her very deeply and severely soured their relationship. As a result she started to have flashbacks from her childhood trauma, anxiety attacks, shock, nightmares, fainting, epileptic seizures followed by seeing black figures standing in the room, etc. Now of course the irony is that I put two and two together from witnessing all this and doing research because it was freaking me out, and eventually found out what had happened to her. So the exact thing he tried to avoid, he caused by acting like a d!ck to her. Everytime she tried to get in touch with him he either shut her out or started yelling at her that she should have never told me and that she was jealous of his success which is totally ridiculous. I even tried to call him and set up a meeting to talk it out and he flat out denied that the abuse ever happened. This caused another grave shock in her which was so bad that her doctor sent her to a neurological psychiatrist (might not be the correct word, sorry English is not my first language) because they feared she might have suffered brain damage (!) from her brother's constant abuse.
Now all this is of course greatly enraging me. On top of the pain he's been causing my girlfriend, he's been telling our common friends that she is crazy and a liar and has borderline disorder. So now my friends think I am blind to the facts and being manipulated by her. She has by the way been seeing various doctors and psychiatrists over the years who have all "believed" her story. Quite the manipulator I must say. :)
On top of that she is 7 months pregnant of our child now and the worst thing that can happen to a pregnant woman is stress, so that rules out beating the crap out of him, pardon my french. His behaviour has actually caused two bleedings during the pregnancy, the last one prompting her doctor to send her to ER because the baby had stopped growing. So now he's not only hurting her and me but our baby also. All the while he's still telling her mom that it's not his fault and she's lying and overreacting.
Sorry for ranting. I can go on for hours. I just wish somebody had a similar experience and could tell me how to deal with this because as it stands right now I am waiting for my daughter to be born so I can break every bone in his body. I know it's wrong but I have been holding my rage for over two years now and I am a very big man capable of doing much harm. I wish it had never come to this but he leaves me no choice. Besides if I don't do it, my girlfriend might shoot him.
My partner and soon to be mother of my first child was sexually and physically abused by her older brother from the age of 6 to 12. Her mother caught him once and that was the end of it but never told her father so he was never punished. And the subject was never brought up again. They never talked about it so she never learned to deal with it.
During puberty she was very self destructive and did drugs, and after almost OD'ing and suffering psychosis she started to read up on what had happened to her and through lots of self help books and the occasonal psychiatrist she eventually got over it. Her brother actually broke down and apologized to her about 10 years after the facts. So far, so good.
Now fast forward to two years ago. I have been good friends with her brother (ignorant of their past obviously) when his sister and I, both around the age of 35, start dating. He freaks out and tells her never to tell me about what happened 30 years ago because it might destroy his career. This of course hurt her very deeply and severely soured their relationship. As a result she started to have flashbacks from her childhood trauma, anxiety attacks, shock, nightmares, fainting, epileptic seizures followed by seeing black figures standing in the room, etc. Now of course the irony is that I put two and two together from witnessing all this and doing research because it was freaking me out, and eventually found out what had happened to her. So the exact thing he tried to avoid, he caused by acting like a d!ck to her. Everytime she tried to get in touch with him he either shut her out or started yelling at her that she should have never told me and that she was jealous of his success which is totally ridiculous. I even tried to call him and set up a meeting to talk it out and he flat out denied that the abuse ever happened. This caused another grave shock in her which was so bad that her doctor sent her to a neurological psychiatrist (might not be the correct word, sorry English is not my first language) because they feared she might have suffered brain damage (!) from her brother's constant abuse.
Now all this is of course greatly enraging me. On top of the pain he's been causing my girlfriend, he's been telling our common friends that she is crazy and a liar and has borderline disorder. So now my friends think I am blind to the facts and being manipulated by her. She has by the way been seeing various doctors and psychiatrists over the years who have all "believed" her story. Quite the manipulator I must say. :)
On top of that she is 7 months pregnant of our child now and the worst thing that can happen to a pregnant woman is stress, so that rules out beating the crap out of him, pardon my french. His behaviour has actually caused two bleedings during the pregnancy, the last one prompting her doctor to send her to ER because the baby had stopped growing. So now he's not only hurting her and me but our baby also. All the while he's still telling her mom that it's not his fault and she's lying and overreacting.
Sorry for ranting. I can go on for hours. I just wish somebody had a similar experience and could tell me how to deal with this because as it stands right now I am waiting for my daughter to be born so I can break every bone in his body. I know it's wrong but I have been holding my rage for over two years now and I am a very big man capable of doing much harm. I wish it had never come to this but he leaves me no choice. Besides if I don't do it, my girlfriend might shoot him.
