Today I Stood In Front Of 30 People

[PTSD sufferer]

Today I stood in front of 30 people, to present some ideas with only 20 minutes of preparation. Anxiety went through the roof!!!

I finished and then had to sit through 'criticisms', they were very polite though. I handled that, but I could not control my anxiety and then a break was called...

...I cried for about 1 hour outside, not because of the criticism, but the overwhelming anxiety...(panic attack, negative self talk, flashing)...and hour later I had composed myself to a sob. Then after three attempts to re-enter the conference room (each time I would walk up and look at the handle then walk away), I finally walked back in there to join the other 30 people.

After I went back in after my 'episode', I found out that I got a '0' mark on my pitch.

But I did it, I stood in front of 30 people!

I know that doesn't sound like much of a success, and I did disappear for an 1hr. Not the best outcome...

But for me, this was the a big step to stand in a conference room, let alone with so many people all eyes on me!

Apparently I hid my anxiety and stress very well so that's a positive in a way.,

And, I have to do it again unfortunately tomorrow.

But for now, I stood in front of 30 people today!

 

[Queen Boudica]

Well done PTSD sufferer that is HUGE.

I can't stand up in front of a group of people and talk at all. I turn into a shivering wreck. I got sent on a special course for public speaking on my first job where they taught you techniques and then at the end of the course you had to do a talk in front of all the others and they videod you. I was a complete and utter wreck, I completely messed it up.

So I know what a huge accomplishment it is for you to take that first step. Massive accomplishment. :tup:

 

[Eleanor]

Super job PTSDsufferer!!!!:):tup::tup:

And Bad teacher:mad: - how does anyone do an assignment and get a 0? I find it hard to believe you did NOTHING right?!?!? Sheesh, could they know less about formative assessments?

An hour is not bad, not bad at all for blowback from such a big thing. Next time will be less. And less after that... Get back up on the horse! Go get 'em!

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Thank you both so much for your warm words. I managed to talk up a little more than usual the following day, but I still ended up having sleepless nights and panic attacks - for days now.

I know I need to do this type of thing, and get more exposure presenting in front of people. I used to be quite good at it before the illness took over completely.

The zero wasn't great for the 'negative self talk cycles' (he is an idiot) but I'm ok with the zero. I am sure there are good things (like hiding my anxiety when I present) and that the idea was a good one.

My T warned me before that I needed to go in there with the mindset that it was a learning experience and if people don't like my work, there will be someone else who will appreciate it. It's always better to work with people who appreciate what you do anyway. His loss my gain right?

I am just grateful that it is over for now and I can take a break to re-gather my thoughts and hopefully calm enough to get some proper sleep.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, I really appreciate it. Its a baby step for others, massive for me, but I hope it is in the right direction.

 

[KP the nut]

Congratulations, I think you did a great job.

You deserve to be very proud. Reward yourself with something nice.

((HUGS))
KP

 

[Abrasky]

wow way to go : ) That sounds awesome.

 

[bethinhfx]

thats :) awesome!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Congratulations!!:D
Not a easy thing to do at all. I couldn't do it. You did amazing. I hope it will get easier with the passing of time and experience. WTG!!

 

[Sweetie]

I know that doesn't sound like much of a success

I'm intruding on your post - I hope you don't mind me congratulating you :) That is an amazing achievement - well done you. And it does sound like a major success to me.
Keep going!

<edited to fix quote>

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Sweety,

Darling, I never view anyone posting on my threads as an intrusion. I am so grateful that you are all here, listening and supporting me - it makes such a huge difference. To celebrate small achievements with those who understand how big a deal it is, makes me feel less crazy because you all understand what its like to struggle to try to do the seemly 'simple' things in life.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, I will do my best to keep trying and hopefully I will have more good news to share on this journey.

Thank you all, xxoo

 

[wdkywomys]

Wow I couldn't have done that! Good job!

 

[Srain]

WOW!! I missed this awesome achievement, please forgive me! Congratulations, PTSD Sufferer, this is really great! :)