Supporter Push Pull

[sweetgirl]

I am an AF girlfriend for over a yr now. He was diagnosed with Ptsd 7 months ago. He is in therapy and taking meds. We live 4 hours from each other we see each other once or twice a month. We communicate a lot via txt and phone and seem to communicate well.

I am having a hard time with the pull me closer then push me away. Seems to happen a lot especially after we spend time together. He also seems to find faults in me but never himself!. I am frustrated!

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[BigBear]

It's the nature of the beast, Sweetgirl. It seems like everyone with PTSD gets these wonderful Benefits...:poop: While he's being responsible and getting therapy, cut him as many breaks as you can. Remember, he probably doesn't mean them. If it gets too hard, gently explain to him how much it hurts to be called a problem.

We are glad that you are here! Come and visit around on the supporter forums. There's lots of good people all over this site.

Bear

 

[sweetgirl]

While he's being responsible and getting therapy, cut him as many breaks as you can. Remember, he probably doesn't mean them. If it gets too hard, gently explain to him how much it hurts to be called a problem.

Thank you. I am totally patient with him and give him breaks but sometimes the it's all about him, is to much. Right now he says he needs space so I am giving it to him, but it's like damned if I do and damned if I don't!!

I am enjoying this site and am finding alot of good info!! TY

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[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the fourm. :)

I know its frustrating not knowing quite what to do and not do. Its really a good sign that he is getting help and being responsible towards his health. That's great!

Be patient. There are 'sticky' threads at the tops of the supporter sections, those are wonderful tools to help you learn more about what might being going on in his head.

Take care of yourself too!

 

[sisu]

I agree with Ayesha, it is a great sign that he is getting therapy and taking meds. It shows he wants to manage his PTSD! Yay!

The push and pull can be happening for any number of reasons. It may be that he knows he loves you and wants to be with you, then thinks I love her too much and I don't want to put her through my personal hell. Or it may be that particular therapy session brought up some really bad things and he just needs some space to find his center again. :confused: Trust and communication are important in any relationship, but I believe especially important in a relationship with someone who has PTSD.

Learn as much as you can and ask as many questions as you can think of to get a better understanding of PTSD. And take care of yourself. It's easy to get caught up in the worry about the one you love - but force yourself to do something nice for yourself, especially on those days when you feel pushed back.

Take care,
Sisu

 

[ProudWife99]

Welcome, sweetgirl! You're making such a smart move by coming here and seeking advice/support. We found out the extent of my H's PTSD while he was deployed to Iraq. It is so hard when you know the one you love is hurting deeply, but you A) can't hold them and B) they wouldn't want you to even if you were there!

As most of your relationship is on the phone I can see so many pros and cons to that. Probably more cons, as we miss the ones we love. Maybe a pro might be that if he goes to far, setting a boundary is as easy as hitting the end button on your phone or the X on a computer screen. That may just be me though, because sometimes I wish I could mute my husband during one of his "angrier" days, or hang up on him all together.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to give advice. Don't be afraid to do whatever is necessary for you to continue to have a positive image and view of yourself!

 

[sweetgirl]

Thank you everyone I am so glad I have found this place. I am a very strong independant woman and I do take care of me. I can't be there for him if I don't.

Our last visit was intense, we seemed to really bond more but now he is pushing away and asking for space. I am giving it to him. We have never defined what our relationship is but think it's more to him than he can admit. He just told me he doesn't need to talk or text me everyday which baffles me cuz he is the one that usually initiates the contact.

Also, it concerns me that he hangs on every word his therapist says. I am continuing to do me, but it hurts that he has turned negative right now. He is leaving for Japan in 2 weeks for 20 days so not sure if that is part of it!.

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[Pale Warrior]

Hi sweetgirl & welcome.

From what you say he is doing what ever he can to heal and I can testifiy to the intensity of the therapist patient relationship he may be experiencing. PTSD is a tough hand for both parties in a relationship and not all relationships survive it, but many (mine included) do.

Come and join us in the supporter section, the sticky threads are a must read and you will find a range of opinions to engage with.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome-

Everybody already said it all. please take good care of yourself. You will be ok. You are in the right place. I am glad you like it here. Enjoy!:)

 

[sweetgirl]

Thank you all finding this place is the best thing to happen to me, I have learned so much already!!! I am looking forward to sharing and learning with you all and hope along the way I can help others also!! Much Love!!!