Wow Philippa, thanks. Can't add anything, but I can't believe what I've read- feel like an alien who somehow accidentally landed on my home planet- can't believe it.Thank you.
Hey, that's awesome it reached you Junebug.
I know right...finally, someone who actually can give some solid practical help and advice on how to counter act that force inside us.
I was so amazed too when I read it. A good friend sent it to me as she could see from some of my posts that I was flared up, and it had me in tears to know that there was actually someone who could identify all these things AND give ways to help with it.
For the first time, I was able to admit to myself that I actually DO have CPTSD. That's been 9 whole years of not believing I did. That's big.
Hi Philippa, and thanks for posting this link. I stumbled by chance on Pete Walker's writings about emotional flashbacks some time ago, very much enjoyed and respected his analysis of this issue, and have had good regard for his work ever since.
Hi Maddog, my friend really does her research, and she is a very intelligent woman who really sifts through all the crap out there and trusts her intuition. She has been through so much in her life...multiple rapes, and has been through years and years of therapy herself, so I know her sources are reliable.
It's so helpful to hear that this guy is really someone who knows how to help. I sometimes don't know where to start with even trying to sift through dodgy information out there.
As one who is many light years away from meaningful conquering of my inner critic, I confess some feelings of overwhelm in reading this... no doubt thanks to my inner critic's convincing me that I will never be able to attain such control of my thoughts as is outlined here.
You've been through so so much though...it's no wonder. Small steps as my friend would say. Small steps and you can get there. Believe it.
The Inner critic doesn't want to lose it's control over you here, so expect it to flare up more as you progress I think is safe to say.
I used to think my inner critic was my parents, when it is actually a part of me that was trying to protect me growing up.
That's pretty insightful Garblefraz. I hadn't analyzed it to that degree yet, and I assumed it came from the dysfunctional tapes in my head...my dysfunctional parents aspect in my personality.
That was a very different environment to the one I am in now, so the techniques it used to protect me--like stopping me from crying out, refusing, grieving or expressing resentment--are sadly outdated.
It is amazing how they can still affect us in the now though, isn't it. It's just so frustrating, as it goes on in silence most of the time. You have to get really quiet to actually hear what is been whispered to you...or at least, that is my experience. I don't hear the words of doubt...I just feel stuck when I try and do something creative, or paint without fear like I used to.
It takes constant vigilance I've come to understand, and sometimes I'm just not attentive enough to recognize that's what is happening for me under the surface.
I've been doing exactly what Pete Walker says: passionately fighting back my inner-critic, which is important because you need to overcome the "totalitarian" grip it has on your psyche
That's inspiring to me.
Once your inner critic knows that you are a powerful force, you can try reasoning with it and reminding it that you are no longer in the environment where its current repressive behavior applies. You will probably need to teach it (using conscious self-talk) HOW to be more supportive, because it might not even have any of those tools.
That is really interesting, and it makes total sense to me.
Actually starting to confront that and do that in a way that is not denigrating to the inner critic is something I still struggle with I think. I need to appreciate it in a new light, as you pointed out above, I think before I can really conquer it.
Thankyou so much.
