Ecdysis
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I'm listening to Pete Walker's Complex PTSD (audiobook).
The passages on the inner critic have been really significant for me. On my C-PTSD journey, I've always had the inner critic running in the background or foreground, but have mostly been able to "deal" with it, to some degree.
However, since getting retraumatised as an adult, my ability to fight/ resist it has gone down to 0% and the (very abusive) inner critic has been 100% of my internal dialogue. It's been horrific and felt like a nightmare I couldn't break out of. An inner dialogue of the worst-of-the-worst statements/ judgements/ thoughts and feeling completely paralysed and unable to counter any of it.
I've been making a bit of progress with my therapist recently, thank goodness. It seems to have broken the spell a bit... It's like my inner critic only has 90% hold on me now and I'm at least able to fight back 10%. That feels like a big step and a huge relief, compared to feeling totally paralysed.
I think, like so many people who like Pete Walker, what I find so soothing is his combination of a) viewing and speaking as a therapist and at the same time b) viewing and speaking as a C-PTSD sufferer, who has experienced it all first hand. It's so much more authentic and real than therapists who "know" this stuff 2nd hand... He's experienced it 1st hand and knows it inside and out and "gets" every single millimeter of the journey.
Anyway, he had some really impressive affirmations to counter the inner critic, which really hit home for me.
His main point seems to be that the inner critic is re-enacting the abusiveness of our parents and that by listening to the inner critic, we're basically participating in the re-enactment of it, by not rejecting the inner critic.
I want to write up my own list of affirmations/ inner-critic-rebuttals.
I also think I need to shift my thinking from "I have an inner critic, like all humans do" to "A lot of my childhood abuse has gotten internalised via the inner critic and now, instead, I have an inner toxic abuser and I need to actively fight it."
Here's a summary of some of Pete Walker's rebuttals: https://pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingTheCritic.pdf
The passages on the inner critic have been really significant for me. On my C-PTSD journey, I've always had the inner critic running in the background or foreground, but have mostly been able to "deal" with it, to some degree.
However, since getting retraumatised as an adult, my ability to fight/ resist it has gone down to 0% and the (very abusive) inner critic has been 100% of my internal dialogue. It's been horrific and felt like a nightmare I couldn't break out of. An inner dialogue of the worst-of-the-worst statements/ judgements/ thoughts and feeling completely paralysed and unable to counter any of it.
I've been making a bit of progress with my therapist recently, thank goodness. It seems to have broken the spell a bit... It's like my inner critic only has 90% hold on me now and I'm at least able to fight back 10%. That feels like a big step and a huge relief, compared to feeling totally paralysed.
I think, like so many people who like Pete Walker, what I find so soothing is his combination of a) viewing and speaking as a therapist and at the same time b) viewing and speaking as a C-PTSD sufferer, who has experienced it all first hand. It's so much more authentic and real than therapists who "know" this stuff 2nd hand... He's experienced it 1st hand and knows it inside and out and "gets" every single millimeter of the journey.
Anyway, he had some really impressive affirmations to counter the inner critic, which really hit home for me.
His main point seems to be that the inner critic is re-enacting the abusiveness of our parents and that by listening to the inner critic, we're basically participating in the re-enactment of it, by not rejecting the inner critic.
I want to write up my own list of affirmations/ inner-critic-rebuttals.
I also think I need to shift my thinking from "I have an inner critic, like all humans do" to "A lot of my childhood abuse has gotten internalised via the inner critic and now, instead, I have an inner toxic abuser and I need to actively fight it."
Here's a summary of some of Pete Walker's rebuttals: https://pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingTheCritic.pdf
