Inner Critic Being Fueled By Situation With Ex - Please Help

[Deleted member 33052]

Nat, one more thing that might help you immediately: when you begin to criticize yourself, consider how you would feel if someone spoke that way to a person you care about - say, a good friend. Would you think it unjust? Unfair? Does it undervalue your friend? Does your friend deserve more respect and acceptance? Because I care about you and I consider you a friend, and I know that your deserve to be spoken to with kindness and respect, and the acceptance that everyone has the right to make mistakes.

I know this is cheesy, but I'm serious.

 

[NatBird]

Oh, Nat, I'm sorry! Are you physically unable to get up? :(. Or are you feeling too sad to get up?...

I'm too sad. Have been feeling this way for years, hence living in filth. I managed to say a prayer/affirmation which has helped a bit.

I have someone coming to the flat who will help me to decorate - I just need to tell him what I'd like doing. Trouble is, I need to tidy up a bit so he can actually get in and move around. I know this would help me long term but I feel too weak to move.

And the IC has started up again.

 

[NatBird]

Nat, one more thing that might help you immediately: when you begin to criticize yourself, consider...

It's not cheesy. Thank you for the reminder.
Still too collapsed to move but will try in 10 minutes.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Maybe you're just not ready...

 

[NatBird]

What do you mean? Not ready to stop abusing myself? If so, it hurts to think maybe....

 

[Deleted member 33052]

No, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. Maybe you're still too sad to make yourself take that one big step. Maybe you need more encouragement.

 

[Rani G2]

@Nat:

This is surely an oversimplification. Never easy to analyze human relationships especially having experienced a traumatic childhood.

I have played those manipulative games (Not a very healthy definition I know), fearing emotional closeness, going to distance and then again trying to hold on fearing abandonement. All soughts of attempts to stay in relationship but also try everything to protect myself from getting hurt. A part (Or many parts) of myself probably made an agreement never to ever get hurt again. These attempts are absurd but if you look closer, very close they are based on pure survival.

Shankara

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm too sad. Have been feeling this way for years, hen living in filth. I managed to say a prayer/aff...

Self-care is a problem for me, too. I always assumed I was lazy and apathetic. It was a huge relief to learn that it's a symptom, not a personality flaw.

 

[NatBird]

@Nat:

This is surely an oversimplification. Never easy to analyze human relationshi...

@Shankara
Cheers.
I feel a bit different to when I wrote that, a little bit more space and compassion around it I guess. Thanks for the reminder that it was survival. Just don't quite have all the self forgiveness needed to shut the critic the f&#k up when in flashback!
The reflections and support helps.

 

[NatBird]

Self-care is a problem for me, too. I always assumed I was lazy and apathetic. It was a huge relie...

@Mal Content

I always think I'm lazy or doing this whole healing thing, wrong.

Thanks for clarifying about the self talk thing.

 

[Rani G2]

To cultivate self care one needs to find an inner protector. That what parents failed to give one needs to create in the inner. The protector is someone who is wise, who accepts with no judging at all. He/she stays behind you, is your guidance. This can be done thru self hypnosis. You create an image of a figure this is being placed in your consciousness. One needs to focus over and over again, until the mind absorbs.

Just what my therapist told.

 

[NatBird]

To cultivate self care one needs to find an inner protector. That what parents failed to give one need...

@ Shankara Thank you.
Have you cultivated this? What was the process like?