Responses To Your Therapist That You Will Probably Never Say

[Innordinate]

"if that's what you think, then I think, you sir, are an assclown. Good day"

 

[Loveneverfails]

you sir, are an assclown.

I don't know if it's because it's late as I read this or what, but this has me in giggles.

 

[Loveneverfails]

T: What do you want? And be honest.

Me: Beer, sex and world peace....or did you want an intellectual answer?

 

[BloomInWinter]

T. - I have no reason to lie to you.

Me. - Other than it's your job...

T. - Lying doesn't work. It doesn't have the intended effect,

Me. (this is what didn't say).... 'That's only true if you're not going t use this information against me'

 

[Let It Be]

I knew it was getting close to ending or at least taking a break from my counselor, when I was getting quite angry at some of her comments and at times crossing my boundaries, to say the least.

Me: The doctor scheduled me for this surgery. I will not do it unless my insurance company pays for it.

Counselor: Since I have a retreat the day of your surgery, I have asked someone to take you to the hospital.

Me: Sitting there and thinking to myself, what made you think that I wanted you take me. Don't you think just because I don't have any family around, etc. that I can't make my own arrangements.

The next time:

Me: I really don't have anything to talk about today.

Counselor: What about your surgery?

Me: It was cancelled because insurance wouldn't pay for it.

Counselor: I have a migraine. (She had a history of having them).

Me: Thinking to myself after being there for just 30 minutes. So why didn't you call me to cancel this appointment, sure glad I didn't have anything major to talk about.

Me: Still taking a break from seeing her...lots to process!

 

[BloomInWinter]

T. - "You have come a long way from your childhood"

Me - Um....you DO realize this office is in a hospital, right?

 

[LawPhotos]

I started this thread---my psychiatrist doesn't know anything about this forum----today she completely turned the tables on me! I am sure for psych docs this falls under the heading of "things you've always wanted to say to your patients but probably never will!". Except today she did!

Ordinarily my Doc is very reserved, quiet, and calm. Which made this all the more startling ( but funny).

I have a very intense childhood trauma history, and my T is usually very soft spoken and sweet. I have had an unbelievably bad string of things happen lately including problems with my 15 yr old daughter. I was mildly frustrated telling her how my daughter (also usually sweet as far as 15 yr olds go) has suddenly decided that it is funny to startle me or trigger me on purpose and has occasionally made fun of me lately. My T asked me for an example of this behavior so I gave her one--which while unkind wasn't all that bad. I expected my T to do her usual compassionate nodding. Instead she sat straight up and blurted out,

"You're F--king kidding me!"

She immediately looked embarrassed and went back to compassionate nodding!!

When I got in my car I thought of this thread and burst out laughing!

 

[Loveneverfails]

"You do have a...tough...exterior."

"Ah, thank you. I didn't notice."

 

[krikkit]

I get mild aural hallucinations. It's not psychosis, it's the result of a brain injury - sounds like indistinct murmuring or distortion. Once in a while, the T pops out with this:
'Are you still hearing the murmuring and buzzing?'
I always feel like saying 'No, I decided not to have brain damage today.' :cautious:

'Do you feel anxious today?'
'I wouldn't have paid the copay if I didn't, doc.'

'I think twitching your legs is a symptom of your anxiety.'
'I think you might be onto something, Batman.'

And the one I always, always feel like doing:
'When you start to panic, try to brea-'
'AAAAAAAAAA!!'

 

[BloomInWinter]

In response to my risk-taking with my addiction by considering using the Xanax my doc prescribed (she doesn't believe in PTSD) which my T. is opposed to me risking (he doesn't believe in getting me addicted to something else).

T. - "...and it doesn't WORK. It ONLY works on people who don't know they are just having a panic attack. Once you know..."

Me. - "See, that's where I know you're not an addict. I don't care if it works for it's INTENDED purpose, I just want a legal cheap high. It works fine for that!"

I'm going to try never to do this to him again...my risk-taking when I'm considering 'going back out' is with the magic pills, or booze. But the pills are cheaper and waiting for me to pick them up anytime...

 

[BloomInWinter]

T. - "You're going to have to stop speaking to yourself that way if you want to feel better."

Me. - "The voices in my head are the only ones who will have anything to do with me!"

 

[BloomInWinter]

This has happened a few times. In the waiting room, there's been people drunk, high, both, ranting, swearing, etc.

T. - "You seem agitated."

Me. - "Yup. The guy in the waiting room was hammered and the smell was hard to take."

T. - "What? Someone was drunk?"

Me. - "Yes."

T. - "Huh. That doesn't happen often."

Me. - "That's what you think."