Why Does Being Praised Feel So Bad?

[heather q]

Oh cute, I can't quite picture your whiskers :D is that English, also?

 

[angel2write]

A quote from Alice in Wonderland... so yeah. Pretty much Lit major stuff. :cool:

 

[heather q]

Thanks, I don't remember it at all, it must have been during one of my dysfunctional stages, I was more into Peter Rabbit

 

[heather q]

Years ago I went to a young attractive dentist, he gave me a compliment, I accepted it all smiles, then he insulted me for the way I accepted it. What the hell, what gives, what did he expect? Who knows.

Another guy gave me flowers and a card, the card described me as... just way over the top. It scared me and I stopped being the flirty, outgoing person I was, because I was encouraging crap I didn't want.

 

[Eleanor]

Alice in Wonderland! That's LOGICIAN stuff in my book!;).

How to get the flowers without the ill considered card... that is the question....

 

[heather q]

Order flowers on line and plant them in the garden, safest all the way round...

And, if that is LOGICIAN stuff, no wonder, I aint touching it, no how, out of my league, just in time, I was beginning to think I was missing out on something!

 

[Elizabeth7]

Praise makes me uncomfortable. I guess I don't feel worthy of it or want to become proud or arrogant. My therapist tells me it's ok to pat myself on the back but my faith always wants to give God glory and if not then I feel guilty, to accept praise is so hard. I love praising others and sincerly mean it when I do, but for me, no way

 

[heather q]

You are asking for tips, about the only thing I can think of right now, is that what you must already know, perhaps without realizing it though, that this situation is not good for either of you, it can't get better, because it is what it is.

You both deserve better, I think you need to find a way to take care of yourself, before it gets worse. I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me in that position, I'd be gone, not wanting to do harm or be harmed.

Stay on the safe side, don't let something just happen, jealousy doesn't get better, doesn't improve, in my experience it gets worse. You cannot change him, and it's difficult to change ourselves. The main thing is to prevent the situation from escalating.

 

[Elizabeth7]

I agree with a lot of heather q's post above.

Thank you for your advice. I try to prevent it from escalating, by removing myself to calm down, but even if I can, I am still angry about it. I absolutely agree, I do not wish to cause any harm. I've been with him for 6 months and we were together in the past and the insecurities he has have reduced some but mostly are still often. It's sad because he is a wonderful father and mostly a wonderful friend and partner, but he just doesn't understand the complexities of this disorder and that his problems magnify my symptoms. It is my hope if he became educated on ptsd the cause triggers, preventive methods and coping methods it will get better but I just don't know if that is realistic.

Thanks again

 

[heather q]

I think I'm coming from the jealousy thing, not talking about PTSD, combined it's a much tougher one, thanks for responding.

 

[Annie B]

I have this problem too. Praise just seems so forced, like people could never really mean what they say. They're just saying it to get something out of me, get close enough to gain my trust in order to manipulate me. Even when my husband praises me I know that he means it but a part of me always questions his motives.

Sometimes my self-loathing is so strong that it cancels out anything positive that people might say to and about me. I almost prefer when my mom would tell me I would have more friends if I had a different personality, even though she didn't actually mean it. Being bullied and abused gave me a concrete and tangible reason to be sad, if only in the privacy of my own thoughts. It's a reason that other people could understand, if I told them. But if people are praising me and showing affection and if my life (on the outside) seems great yet I still feel sad, then that's proof that I'm the cause of the problem. It's hard facing the reality that my sadness and pain are no longer caused by the people around me. Just remnants of a past that's gone that will never truly go away.

 

[Annie B]

BloominWinter, I like your ADA "Problem" post! I guess I can't quote yet. :)

That description is me to a "T". I never would have made the connection between the people pleasing, being a work-a-holic and my dysfunctional home life and PTSD- thanks SO much for posting!