I'm done. Cut off all contact as of yesterday. It took for me to be hurt one more time to realize that I'm putting myself in harm's way. It was literally like a voice inside me said..."why do YOU keep letting him do this? Why won't YOU let go?"
Without too much detail, PTSD isn't his issue. Or maybe it is; I don't know. But, what I do know is that he's never going to change. He's always going to lie. He's always going to bring up the things I did and never lay claim to his faults and things he's done to hurt me. He's always going to keep women around and tell me otherwise. And on top of all of it, he's always going to tell me he loves me...but I will never feel it. The worst part of it all is that I don't believe he's ever loved me. I don't know if I was just convenient for him, if he just enjoyed my company and told me he loved me to keep me around for his own purposes...I just don't know. But, what I do know is that love doesn't do what he did. I'm not a hopeless romantic and I know that there can be tough times with anyone in a relationship, PTSD or not. I also know that cheating, lying, harsh words, unforgiveness, verbal abuse, blaming, gaslighting, etc are not signs of someone who care for/about you, let alone loves you.
I won't be around as much as we're not together and I never, ever will go back to him. But, for the newbies who come in and share their story and maybe stumble across my posts, I hope they know that unless and until a person owns their own sh*t, they will never change so stop waiting for them to be who they are not. They show you everyday who they are. If actions and words don't align, they are liars. Pure and simple. That's not PTSD, that's character flaws they need to work on. Unless they acknowledge their bad behavior and are willing to DO something about it, there's no need in you being there unless you want to be treated badly. Someone on here said the only difference between an abusive relationship and a person who has PTSD who is trying but misses the mark is if they acknowledge the PTSD and seek help. Otherwise, if abusive things are happening and your person won't get help, then you are in an abusive relationship and need to think real long and hard about staying.
If I can save one person the heartache I'm having right now, then it's worth it to share. Take care of YOU. If your person is getting help then stick with them if they're worth it. But, if they are lying, cheating, abusive in anyway...if it's always your fault and nothing you do is good enough...if you spend nights wondering where they are...if you are called crazy, stupid, and made to feel like less than because you begin to put up boundaries and ask for respect...GET OUT! That's not PTSD. That's someone who is messed up and hides behind that diagnosis in order to treat you poorly. Don't put up with it. You're worth more.
To all those who have PTSD and try and try to do the right thing, I applaud you. I really do. You may miss the mark at times, but you show that you care enough about yourself and those around you to make the effort. My comments are not directed toward any of you in that category. My comments are to those who come here in desperation seeking some guidance and wondering if it's worth staying, continuing on or fighting for what they have. If any of the above mentioned behaviors are your issue, then leave. It will take time, it will hurt but in the end, any abusive relationship rips aways your sense of self and value.
I hope all of you continue to mentor others and help them along the way in the same manner that you did for me.
Thanks and God bless.
Without too much detail, PTSD isn't his issue. Or maybe it is; I don't know. But, what I do know is that he's never going to change. He's always going to lie. He's always going to bring up the things I did and never lay claim to his faults and things he's done to hurt me. He's always going to keep women around and tell me otherwise. And on top of all of it, he's always going to tell me he loves me...but I will never feel it. The worst part of it all is that I don't believe he's ever loved me. I don't know if I was just convenient for him, if he just enjoyed my company and told me he loved me to keep me around for his own purposes...I just don't know. But, what I do know is that love doesn't do what he did. I'm not a hopeless romantic and I know that there can be tough times with anyone in a relationship, PTSD or not. I also know that cheating, lying, harsh words, unforgiveness, verbal abuse, blaming, gaslighting, etc are not signs of someone who care for/about you, let alone loves you.
I won't be around as much as we're not together and I never, ever will go back to him. But, for the newbies who come in and share their story and maybe stumble across my posts, I hope they know that unless and until a person owns their own sh*t, they will never change so stop waiting for them to be who they are not. They show you everyday who they are. If actions and words don't align, they are liars. Pure and simple. That's not PTSD, that's character flaws they need to work on. Unless they acknowledge their bad behavior and are willing to DO something about it, there's no need in you being there unless you want to be treated badly. Someone on here said the only difference between an abusive relationship and a person who has PTSD who is trying but misses the mark is if they acknowledge the PTSD and seek help. Otherwise, if abusive things are happening and your person won't get help, then you are in an abusive relationship and need to think real long and hard about staying.
If I can save one person the heartache I'm having right now, then it's worth it to share. Take care of YOU. If your person is getting help then stick with them if they're worth it. But, if they are lying, cheating, abusive in anyway...if it's always your fault and nothing you do is good enough...if you spend nights wondering where they are...if you are called crazy, stupid, and made to feel like less than because you begin to put up boundaries and ask for respect...GET OUT! That's not PTSD. That's someone who is messed up and hides behind that diagnosis in order to treat you poorly. Don't put up with it. You're worth more.
To all those who have PTSD and try and try to do the right thing, I applaud you. I really do. You may miss the mark at times, but you show that you care enough about yourself and those around you to make the effort. My comments are not directed toward any of you in that category. My comments are to those who come here in desperation seeking some guidance and wondering if it's worth staying, continuing on or fighting for what they have. If any of the above mentioned behaviors are your issue, then leave. It will take time, it will hurt but in the end, any abusive relationship rips aways your sense of self and value.
I hope all of you continue to mentor others and help them along the way in the same manner that you did for me.
Thanks and God bless.
