Is It Just Me?

[fairywings]

Do you ever feel like you can't pull yourself out of it overwhelmed sleepy and confused? Then a miracle happens and you are ok again?

I do it all of the time and I am getting really frustrated. Keep in mind I do push myself real hard. But how can I just sit at home? When I have so much to do?

I make lists over and over I have to have everything perfect. I guess that's bad too.

 

[ellebelle]

Yeah, this is part of the miracle of adult add medications. If they pump enough amphetamines into my system, I accomplish a lot of shit. However, without them (as I am now) I cant get anything done for long lengths of time, I'm not sure if it's because everything feels overwhelming to me, or I'm just lazy, or an addict, but I can definitely relate.

 

[fairywings]

I'm not sure if it's because everything feels overwhelming to me [ellebelle]


I'm not sure either, but I'm seeing my doctor about it soon
It could be anything I guess.

 

[AzureMind]

Do you ever feel like you can't pull yourself out of it overwhelmed sleepy and confused? Then a miracle happens and you are ok again?

FW, Yes! ALL the time! :laugh: I think it has to do with my being so emotionally dysregulated all the time...when you're in emotional limbo, everything feels like it's a blessing or a curse! NO middle ground on this one for me; then when something good happens you almost feel like it's too good to be true. But life on the whole isn't to be taken personally, take of it what you want, and leave the rest! :)

 

[bethinhfx]

ADD medication def helps me- dexedrine all the way and I am anti-meds. Dexedrine changed my life. Have a hard time getting off the coach without it OR I am go, go, go. Dexedrine levels me out. Right now I am on a med vacation; am overeating; walking around in circles; can't get my shit together...but it will be only for a few days until I get my prescription renewed. I am going to do some yoga- helps clear things out! Beth

 

[fairywings]

FW, Yes! ALL the time! :laugh: I think it has to do with my being so emotionally dysregulated all the time...when you're in emotional limbo, everything feels like it's a blessing or a curse!

Ok Azure,
But why does it have to be this way??! How do you live in emotional limbo?
I guess accepting nothing will ever be normal. That's what I have to do. ;) I have been reading Anthony's post about triggers and stressors. I'm not sure if that's the exact title. But it is making everything clearer and I am going to write lists for my triggers and stressors to see if it helps me understand myself. Even then I will be foggy a lot of times but I will at least understand why. So pretty much I'm just a mess? I'm starting to get it!:tup:

 

[fairywings]

ADD medication def helps me- dexedrine all the way and I am anti-meds. Dexedrine changed my life. Have a hard time getting off the coach without it OR I am go, go, go.

Thanks,
I am seeing my doctor soon and I will ask ask her about it.

 

[fairywings]

take of it what you want, and leave the rest! :)

So take the best, and leave the rest:)

 

[AzureMind]

Ok Azure,
But why does it have to be this way??! How do you live in emotional limbo?
I guess accepting nothing will ever be normal. That's what I have to do. ;) I have been reading Anthony's post about triggers and stressors. I'm not sure if that's the exact title. But it is making everything clearer and I am going to write lists for my triggers and stressors to see if it helps me understand myself. Even then I will be foggy a lot of times but I will at least understand why. So pretty much I'm just a mess? I'm starting to get it!:tup:

It's the nature of the beast Fairy, what can I tell ya? Life had something in store for me, I choose to take this as an opportunity to develop a more 'positively profound' existence; with out PTSD, I wouldn't have developed the depth, and personality I had without this, and so I refuse to let it rule me; I learned that I need to speak up about my emotions more, and I'm learning to be true to myself; it's about releasing them without letting them take your light away; There are some gut-wrenching tragedies that are a result of human design; but free-will is our way out; you've got the right to choose what life you want for yourself, REGARDLESS of how ANYONE feels or thinks about it. You don't have to suffer, and neither do I, or anyone else on here. :)

HOW could I have learned the importance of free-will, authenticity, individuality, and creative depth if my life was 'according to plan'? For that matter, life is never really planned; I think it's a serious of moments that we arrange, and assign value/importance to. Emotional limbo for me is waking up and ironically feeling nothing, and then waves of fear, then anxiety, lack of confidence, and that's before before breakfast! :laugh:My emotions have been repressed in my subconscious, and they've been running wild ever since I was a child; but I know the importance of them, and that they belong to me, and in order to be 100% again, (if for the first time in life) I gotta accept them, without letting them run me over.

Thing is, normal's overrated, and normal is whatever YOUR perception of it is; I say be GLAD you're not normal! WHY would you want to be one of the sheep? I'm looking at it like this now; just because my life had some unfortunate bumps doesn't mean I'm broken, or that I won't ever fly again ;) Trust me on this! Everything is gonna be better! but it's gonna be better when you WANT it to be :) I'm just taking some 'me time' to get myself right...this isn't the end for me, and not for you! :)

 

[AzureMind]

Psychologically speaking though, an overworked nervous system, can be the result of an overworked mind; PTSD often time results from the inability to metabolize the very HUGE trauma(s) they've experienced, and when an experience (or many) is walled off, or not processed fully and incorporated in the experiencing ego (conscious self), the body stays in a relatively similar (if not the same) state of "shock" and this is compounded if you're dissociative; you've created brilliant mental block between your conscious and subconscious mind, and forced your emotions, the physical pain, or the memories of the trauma(s) down into the subconscious; but the body NEVER forgets; you'll be nervous, fidgety, hypervigilant, which can drain you excessively...some people have never emotionally matured/processed their trauma(s) especially if the trauma happened when they were very young, because a child doesn't have the sufficient ability to cope with the abuse, so they 'flee' through the mind (dissociation) so these feelings are constantly walled off, and often times don't resurface until they're older, or there is a time where they can safely process the trauma.

In short, the mind/body needs DESPERATELY to be returned to a state of homeostasis in order to thrive, and function again if for the first time in their life. If not for this return to homeostasis, a person could likely expect the symptoms to recur over, and over again...medication is good, but like anything else, runs the risk of being addictive especially for a sufferer whom has never really experienced anything in the way of comfort from abuse, so they will medicate to block the pain out COMPLETELY thus repeating the cycle of dissociation/disavowal of the psychological material.

In the end, the only way OUT of PTSD, is THROUGH PTSD.

 

[fairywings]

(if not the same) state of "shock" and this is compounded if you're dissociative; you've created brilliant mental block between your conscious and subconscious mind, and forced your emotions, the physical pain, or the memories of the trauma(s) down into the subconscious; but the body NEVER forgets; you'll be nervous, fidgety, hypervigilant, which can drain you excessively...some people have never emotionally matured/processed their trauma(s) especially if the trauma happened when they were very young, because a child doesn't have the sufficient ability to cope with the abuse, so they 'flee' through the mind (dissociation) so these feelings are constantly walled off, and often times don't resurface until they're older, or there is a time where they can safely process the trauma.

Ok, I like all this. :) You're making a lot of sense. I'm understanding PTSD more. And I need to because I've never even read a book on it. And I am very much traumatized. All of this is me.
So, how do we process trauma?

 

[bethinhfx]

@fairy wings: Out of the mouths of babes. How do we process trauma? Indeed. Well, I have been trying to go to a 2 month PTSD treatment and none wants to send me. I can't work; can't move forward. Went into shock March 1- flashbacks over 30 years old. I have just been weeping, weeping. I wish I had someone to hold my hand- have a few friends; a counsellor so thats been great. Love your question. I will keep clued in to hear answers! :)