Hey all,
Im wondering if anyone shares an experience similar to mine. Throughout my childhood my single mother opened our house as a foster home for children. Usually they were around my age, and joined my grade or classes at the local elementary or middle school. During this time though, my father would pick me up on the weekends per a custody agreement, and abuse me at night under the cover of ambien, alcohol, coke, and other drugs. To be quite honest, I was told the foster children living in my mothers house were abuse victims due to drug abuse, so I automatically assumed I had a very good childhood as I couldn't comprehend what he was doing. The children needed my mothers affection and I should be nice to them i thought. My father (diagnosed anti social personality disorder) used this opportunity when my mother was distracted to really sink his teeth in me. I still struggle accepting what happened to me maybe because it looked so polished from the outside. I was racing sailboats, excelling in tennis competitions. My father would take me to Ralph Lauren to pick out his outfits because he was so obsessed with looking the part. I would call it "affluenza". I used to love the memoir "the Glass Castle" because it felt like someone understood. But my story is really "the Glass Castle" if the father has enough money for a coke addiction and a waterfront beach house. Dont get me wrong, im not saying different incomes or backgrounds dont experience trauma, i just haven't read it myself. (Besides maybe the Menendez brothers) I think if I accept what happened to me ill finally move on maybe, but its hard for me to feel empathy for myself because I feel everyone else deserves it more than me
Im wondering if anyone shares an experience similar to mine. Throughout my childhood my single mother opened our house as a foster home for children. Usually they were around my age, and joined my grade or classes at the local elementary or middle school. During this time though, my father would pick me up on the weekends per a custody agreement, and abuse me at night under the cover of ambien, alcohol, coke, and other drugs. To be quite honest, I was told the foster children living in my mothers house were abuse victims due to drug abuse, so I automatically assumed I had a very good childhood as I couldn't comprehend what he was doing. The children needed my mothers affection and I should be nice to them i thought. My father (diagnosed anti social personality disorder) used this opportunity when my mother was distracted to really sink his teeth in me. I still struggle accepting what happened to me maybe because it looked so polished from the outside. I was racing sailboats, excelling in tennis competitions. My father would take me to Ralph Lauren to pick out his outfits because he was so obsessed with looking the part. I would call it "affluenza". I used to love the memoir "the Glass Castle" because it felt like someone understood. But my story is really "the Glass Castle" if the father has enough money for a coke addiction and a waterfront beach house. Dont get me wrong, im not saying different incomes or backgrounds dont experience trauma, i just haven't read it myself. (Besides maybe the Menendez brothers) I think if I accept what happened to me ill finally move on maybe, but its hard for me to feel empathy for myself because I feel everyone else deserves it more than me
