Self Help Therapy

[cora]

Hey I am new here so I will make this brief :)

I was first diagnosed at 14 with PTSD by a counsellor. It didnt really in my head fit me perfectly or sum up my issues. Maybe this is my avoiding but I just put that away and kinda spent the last 14 years thinking i was just "werid" or different.

I seen a therapist for about a month and was diagnosed with complex PTSD. Oddly enough for the first time it makes sense, all my thoughts and actions etc. I have noticed now I have greatly declined in the last while...esp isolating myself has made it worse.

I live in a smaller town and cannot find a therapist that deals with complex ptsd specifically. (In my head its a little different in the theraputic approach,) I have looked into online therapy but the usually charge 200$ for 50 mintues!! I dont think I can feel comfortable to be that open with someone who I am paying to care. That is something that goes against everything I feel.

So I am looking to self heal but the problem I've run into is I can find the information and what to do but I cant divide what is past behaviours and what is present. For example if my bf makes me upset I feel confused by whether I am being realistic or this is old issues and survival techniques.

So I am just wondering your thoughts on this. Is self healing possible? If I should see a therapist how can i get past the idea of paying someone to care about me?(I live on actions not words)

Thank you in advance

 

[JustBe]

Just my 2$, but I continued to spiral down until I began Therapy 6 weeks ago. It helped stop my free fall and got my feet heading in the direction to healing. JMHO

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I think a therapist is the best way to begin to deal with your issues. You cannot heal alone. I wish you the best.Let us know how it turned out ok?

 

[Shellbell]

Hi cora,

I do agree that therapy is needed for PTSD. I also have PTSD caused by complex and multiple trauma, and I know I cannot do this on my own. I tried for 20 years.

Is there a bigger town or city nearby you could find a therapist who deals with trauma and PTSD?

I see the paying part as okay because they have studied and gained expertise and knowledge in the service they offer.

I need exposure therapy and EMDR which needs IMO to be done by someone qualified and experienced to provide that kind of therapy.

I wish you all the best. I hope this forum helps you too :)

 

[Hashi]

Like others who have posted, I'd find it difficult to do this without seeing a therapist. I actually do a lot on my own, having learnt a lot from books and other sources, and I do journalling, journal dialogues, art and other things to move forward in understanding and healing. It still helps to talk to a therapist, because they have a perspective I can't have, they can reflect things back to me, they can suggest things I'm not seeing, they can guide me and they can give me support which I need because this can be a very rough road.

If I should see a therapist how can i get past the idea of paying someone to care about me?(I live on actions not words)

When I was looking for a therapist, I started feeling that there are some therapists who are what I'd call healers. They have a calling to be a therapist. They care genuinely and they've become therapists because they have a gift for it and want to make a difference to people's lives. Yes, they make a living from it, but I don't see that as any different from making a living from being a nurse or any other vocation. If I was in hospital, I don't think I'd have an issue with the nurses being paid to take care of me - I see it as similar.

I also came across therapists who I felt were doing it as a profession, like becoming a lawyer. They seemed to be responsible and ethical, but I didn't get a vibe from them that they were the right person for me to see. I saw someone like this for a few months, and although I felt she cared that I was OK there was something missing. It was like she was driven by good practice rather than driven by wanting to help people with their lives. (Obviously good practice is essential, I just wanted a bit more than this.) Every time I gave her a cheque I couldn't stop thinking how my money was going into her mortgage/savings/future and not my own.

Even just making initial phone calls to therapists, I started to get a sense of who was a "healer" type and who was a "professional". The professionals kept the focus of the call on practical things and explaining their general approach, with the expectation that it would be at an initial session (paid for) where we could see whether we might be a good fit. The healers were open to talking about anything on the phone, considering how we might work together, actually having more of a discussion and giving more time. I felt listened to already.

Now I'm seeing a therapist who I think genuinely cares about me and all her clients. Paying her doesn't take that away. Her actions do tell me that she cares - for example, she's been willing to do telephone sessions when I was too overwhelmed to travel to see her, and she's given me an appointment time when she doesn't normally work because I couldn't make any other time that week. Those actions happen over time, though. At first I had to trust my feeling that she genuinely cared.

You might not see therapists as healers/professionals in this way, but my point is that with a therapist who really helps and seems genuine, paying can feel different. When I hand over a cheque to my therapist now, I feel like my money is being invested in myself because I'm benefitting so much from seeing her.

 

[JustBe]

Very well said Hashi!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Cora,

A therapist's job is to give a person the tools necessary to do the work to make themselves better. Healing begins and ends with the individual and the therapist is there to guide their client through the process.

Yes, there is a therapeutic bond involved and different personality types will mesh better than others. But what you pay for is their experience and expertise to help you find the right course of treatment, tools, and feedback necessary to get better.

I've done a lot of work on my own, but there came a point that I couldn't progress any further without professional guidance. This is just my own opinion of therapy, based upon my own personal experience.

Hope you find the answer that works best for you.

Debbie

 

[Whirlwind]

Hi Cora,

I am new too but as much as seeing a T is difficult for me, at the point I find myself, I need a guide/therapist.

With that said, I wasn't able to see him nearly 2 years so I read (free-library!) and found a blog which was very helpful to follow along on. I did make some progress with some old compulsions that were resurfacing.

But the deep "cause" was yet to unearth so now that I am in full swing with PTSD, I need some help.

I don't think I wasted that time though, I did make some progress.

I don't have insurance, it is expensive, my T is charging about half fyi.

It irks me too, I am paying someone to "talk" to me, and I do most of the talking! For now I am having to just have some faith this is the right way to work with this....I do like my T but I struggle with therapy, it feels so self indulgent.

In my moments of clarity I know I should go to T accept help for the first time in my life. Honestly, I wish I had known to try this sooner, I am starting to realize my past directed my present more than I ever knew, that unsettles me terribly.

I am not sure if it is ok to post a link to the blog I read, if you are interested, let me know or PM me. Can we do that here? LOL...(I'm new)

Best, Whirlwind

 

[cora]

Thank you so much for your responses. It seems I should try to find a good T. The point on talking to them over the phone is a good idea to get a general feeling of them. Do you guys generally give them a brief overview to find out if they have experince or knowledge in your specific area? Should I ask if they have experince with complex ptsd and relgious cults? I seem to find someone with expertise in ptsd but no idea how to deal with the religious aspect and how it affected everything
Thanks again!!!

 

[DharmaGirl]

I often struggle with the "pay to care" idea. Someone once explained that you pay them for their time, they care on their own. My T has told me that PTSD from complex trauma can only be healed in a relationship. The theraputic relationship teaches you how to work through things in your other relationships. Good luck!

 

[Whirlwind]

Hi Cora, fyi I can't PM as I am too new or post links to reply here apparently!

Yikes. I will try to post enough fairly soon and send or post the info.

My apologies! Whirlwind

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was involved with a religous cult and did not know it until I left them. It took me years to recover from my involvement with them. Now I see that they did not see or hear me. I was a project to be fixed and indoctrinated.

It was really crazymaking and alot of high drama, no boundries etc. I wish you well in finding a therapist who knows how to deal with the aftermath of a religous cult.

I read alot of books, I did not have good support. Once I left the cult I did not have any friends. I was alone with my grief. I wish you well with your healing process. If you want to talk you can pm me anytime. I find talking about it really helps to get the poision out.

I was really hard on myself for years for being so naive, gullible, vulnerable and desperately needy. i finally made the connection that it had nothing to do with the real me. They are very sick, and toxic people.

It is all about converting people and controlling them. I hope you will find what you are looking for.