Does Anyone Else Feel Like An Outsider In Chit Chat?

[anthony]

It's really pathetic that I can't even be social online cuz I know I'll be rejected. Oh well.

Maybe the problem lay right there SOL? That you've already asked your question and answered it, before you put yourself out there to know another person, or be known. It sounds to me like you are too busy rejecting yourself... not the other way round.

 

[Shellbell]

I really believe in the 'self fulfilling prophecy'. If you want to think badly about yourself and keep telling yourself the same negative things enough times, you will keep on believing them and you think everyone else also believes them.

If you keep on rejecting yourself, you never give anyone the chance the reject you and don't have to feel the pain of that.

I think this is all about fear of refection, fear of pain and fear of putting yourself in a position of vulnerability to be liked or accepted by people and finding that vulnerability way way too scary.

I don't trust people because to put myself in that place of vulnerability scares the crap out of me. If I don't ever trust anyone - I can't get hurt. But of course, all I'm doing is hurting myself and it's a really lonely place to never get close enough to people to have a real relationship/friendship. This is something I discussed yesterday with my therapist and I'm going to need to work on - a lot.

But, IF we want to change because we recognise we are hurting ourselves the most, we can change this.

 

[Springer80]

Its certainly one I've been working on. I think it is especially hard if your perception of yourself has been messed with in early and developmental stages. I'm learning gradually that defiance of others and self denial are separate things but two sides of the same. And once you understand it intellectually, then emotionally you have to act on it but its slow. You can't just revoke all that compressed stuff by deciding. It's taking a lot of courage as I'm changing an awful lot.

 

[JustBe]

SOL, thank you for giving me insight into why I can minimally function (fake it) in some situations but not in social situations.You are right! The short "scripted" interactions feel safer and there is a built in escape.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I posted in chit chat YET AGAIN, and once more I'm ignored.

Nobody ever responds, or if they do, it's one person.

Good God. I hate myself.

 

[Nicolette]

SOL you've been doing really well. Just breathe....sometimes people don't respond to threads immediately and sometimes it helps to make the title 'interesting' and not too long.

There is nothing wrong - maybe just people don't know what to respond with, haven't got to all threads (I just scan at the moment as I've got too much going on) or it just may not be topic that interests them but that is not a reflection on you.

 

[JustBe]

I'm Here SOL. Let's Chat!:)

 

[Privateer]

I posted in chit chat YET AGAIN, and once more I'm ignored.

Nobody ever responds, or if they do, it's one person.

Good God. I hate myself.

Hey, buddy, I can sympathise with that. Thing is, I have plenty of friends yet I still feel like that. It isn't you that's the problem, y'know? It's the brain-gremlins.

 

[Rumors]

SOL, I have tried to post with you in other forums and haven't had a reply. Specifically go look at the missing someone thread. The thing is, if you want people to chat, you have to accept their offer! I get the whole trust issue thing, but at some point you have to let someone in otherwise you keep banging your head against the same wall. If you are in fact, "ScaredOfLonely", you will take THIS very opportunity to realize my post is an olive branch and that I am wishing YOU the very best and hope you find peace and hope on this site. That is just one survivor to another. ;)

Good luck! I hope one day you can change your forum name bc you aren't scared of being lonely anymore!

 

[Hashi]

I posted in chit chat YET AGAIN...
Nobody ever responds, or if they do, it's one person.

I posted in Employment and Education that I was facing redundancy, and asked for support. To date 1,422 people have read my post and only one has responded. How depressing is that? But it's not personal, it's the way forums are.

SoL, you're not being victimised here and there's nothing wrong with you. This happens to all of us.

In this thread right here, you've got plenty of responses. How about chatting with us here? Making it a conversation?

 

[Privateer]

Sometimes people just don't know how to reply usefully to a thread, so they just don't reply at all.

 

[Springer80]

I used to take people's response to me very personally. I'd invite people out for a night, thinking of all the people I liked and wanted to know more. I'd have his vision in my head of all these people in a bar getting along together, chatting warmly, having a few pints. Then when one person couldn't make it my illusion was broken, then another and I'd be more crestfallen, then if another one or two couldn't come I'd start to take it personally. Eventually I'd be in bits.

I've been trying to create a warm family unit since I was knee high and in some ways I still am. However, I know that everyone has 'crap' on their own plate. All the days when I can't speak to anyone because I'm upset, my friends have those too. I still have that emotional drive and its hard to take but I understand my own limitations and try to accept them in myself and others.It's hard. It makes me cry alot.

SOL, it seems to me like you have a very strong opposing tide in you, which much be exhausting to contend with. I have my own and it breaks my heart how much time I've had and still have to negotiate with it. It stops me from getting on at the rate I would want. Allow yourself to rest a bit. People on here do understand. :shy: