Does Anyone Else Feel Like An Outsider In Chit Chat?

[Nicolette]

SOL perhaps it might help to think like this....

 

[Springer80]

All this is kinda of making me sad...its just I've woken up today and I feel very isolated again. I know its behaviour that I find very confusing and hurtful. Everyone needs acceptance yet somehow I keep myself away from it. SOL whatever it is that makes you not value yourself this is the place to share it with people. Allow yourself the warmth you know you need. XX

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nicolette,
My therapist tells me all the time "I wish you could see you the way I see you"

I want to scream at her that I know me better than she'll EVER know me, so how dare she imply that I don't know myself!

It's kind of like that line from Shallow Hal where rosemary says "I know what I am and I know what I'm not". I don't sit here and lie to myself to make me feel better. It seems pointless.

 

[Nicolette]

so how dare she imply that I don't know myself!

I am sorry SOL but you have totally mis-interpreted what I said and the intention behind it. The image I posted refers not to 'knowing you' but 'seeing you' - its like being the flower and feeling like crap but me coming along and just seeing a beautiful flower. It was supposed to be a positive and uplifting image with a message akin to "you are beautiful to me' as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My intention was to say 'you are not an outsider to me' as I don't see you as that but you obviously do from the content within this thread.

I will now remove myself from your threads SOL as I feel that no matter what good intent I have to try and brighten you spirits you will find the negative in it. I am tired as I sit here and rack my brain to find something to say which might inspire and uplift you but I see you just knocking any intention down or tearing it apart to find the negative.

I'm done sorry.............

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My point exactly.

I'll stay out of chat forum from now on. I never have anything to say anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Wow....so that's how you get put on ignore by Nicholette!

Feeling like an outsider...then having that feeling confirmed. Woot.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Scaredoflonely, I isolate myself because I have issues that make it very difficult for me to socialise normally, or safely. I also isolate because I can't connect and so I can't make the lighthearted joke at the right time etc.

And the more anxious I get about it, the more likely I am to come across as cold, too intellectual, too analytical, too deep etc. And people judge me like that and fail to see the love, compassion, generosity that is underneath.

So then I feel trapped and like my mind is being read, and I feel like I'm being dominated and will be colder and make myself unattractive. Then others go away.

It would be great if everyone could actually read minds and see what's inside. But mostly people read what we show on the outside.

So there is that choice to make. If you want to be isolated, then be aware that you are making the choice and that your actions are intended to keep it that way.

If you want to be able to form healthy relationships, then work at adjusting the fears, the emotions and the behaviour that prevents you from doing that.

What doesn't work is pushing people's attempts at connecting with you away to prove to yourself that you're an outsider. It's a choice.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Really, I don't care. Please just let this thread die.

 

[Nicolette]

Wow....so that's how you get put on ignore by Nicholette!

Feeling like an outsider...then having that feeling confirmed. Woot.

I am so frustrated with you ScaredOfLoney and feel you are only seeking attention through negative behaviour - and quite frankly I'm very tired of it as the only person making you lonely is yourself by pushing people away with your snide comments and negativity.

By saying I'm done is that I'm not investing anymore of my time and energy in trying to help you see the positives.

 

[Nicolette]

So there is that choice to make. If you want to be isolated, then be aware that you are making the choice and that your actions are intended to keep it that way.
......
What doesn't work is pushing people's attempts at connecting with you away to prove to yourself that you're an outsider. It's a choice.

Excellent and precise Meadowsweet.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Really, I don't care. Please just let this thread die.

If you didn't care, you wouldn't have written the thread.

You ofcouse can view it as you choose to view it. But because you brought up the subject, you managedc to create an opportunity to stop running and to follow the feelings through, to take control of this situation and change it to better your own life.

 

[Red Feather]

((((((ScaredofLonely)))))) Nobody wants to hurt your feelings! Take care of them, they are very valuable!!