Need To Get Control Of Urge For High Risk Activities.....

[Whirlwind]

Hello all.

Therapy has been uneventful in a sense, until recently. The floodgates suddenly and unexpectedly cracked open. This has come at a bad time in that I am leaving temporarily and have to stop T until my return (few months). The leave was fine and planned... except for the floor falling out right before my leave.

So I am trying to push things down and have posted elsewhere but I really need to get a handle on my love of adrenaline and risky activities.

My T says it is a compulsion....my adrenaline/fear based adventures is a way of managing fear in general, trying to control it by putting myself in a scary situation instead of the fear controlling me. (?)

I am still trying to understand this but for me, I can admit there may be something to this. My imminent trip is challenging enough and I am curbing some of my high risk activities because my emotional state is not stable enough.

Does anyone else have any experience or thoughts with this...or on how to channel it safely? Its tough because I LOVE this stuff.

Thanks, Whirlwind

 

[Tanishq]

Hi whirlwind.

I am glad I am not alone with this,too. I do feel this all lessons put in my ways. They are for our help. If we learn to channel this all, this will bring bigger changes in our life and we can't imagine how big they are! I am also facing many fears and adrenaline at the same time. It's very scary because we have never faced this before. It's all very new for us.

I call this as habit of being fearless. I am also trying to understand with patient mind. Sometimes I do get impatient. But hang in there, this is what I can say.

When I will learn few things, I will share with you.

I understand you.

thank to you,too.
Jaret

 

[JustBe]

Sorry I can't help. I am afraid of everything and spend my life avoiding. I just want you to know that I'm listening and hoping you do well.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I really feel for you. I am one of those who goes into a flight response so I cannot help with your love of high risk activities. It does feel good to overcome fears.

I think you are wise to wait until you are stable. What are the high risk activities that you engage in that you love? I need more information please. Good luck,

 

[Whirlwind]

Thanks everyone. It helps to be heard.

I'm an endurance junkie...started the last decade or so. It has its benefits..I am extremely fit for my age but while that is all good, I realized while I have fear, I also have a secret love for adrenaline activities. The rush is supreme. I was not allowed to do physical things when I was young and reveling in my new found athleticism reclaimed some of that. The truth is, pardon the term I was physically retarded due to my upbringing.

Today, I can run 29 miles. I free climb rock (amateur but its fun). I hike and pack into places you wouldn't believe. Yup, a woman at my age. There is great satisfaction in some ways but I have come to realize a dark component. Fear. I try to be safe, and I am but...the truth is...a piece of me feels the end is coming and I take risks too. I do things that make people swoon. I also do not want to diminish what I have achieved, it is healthy and an extremely happy thing for me. It is far from all bad.

Mountaineering. High altitude. I'm leaving soon..and I am suddenly struck by my emotional state. It could be dangerous if I can't focus. I am going regardless but I decided not to do technical climbing, I have limited myself to not buying my special boots to try and physically limit myself. Non-tech I'll do, base camp etc.

I want to go so bad. But. My T is reserved but concerned. I realize a truth about my love of risk after his comment. So now I am not sure...I am decent at what I do...I have looked forward in so many ways...but my T's comment has given me pause. I have restrained myself these last months due to the flooding and focused on endurance running, it was safe, and only involved me.

I have shared with my partner but they want me to go, support me and feel we can try...ugh. I don't know. I don't want to let them down. I wish I could separate things better so I could make a decision. For now my indecision seems a warning and I will NOT hamper or endanger others but how to control this in the big picture?

Right now, today fyi I have told everyone I go but not tech climb. Ugh. Its not them as much as my eyes glaze over at the thought of going for it......

This is unusual I know, thanks for listening, truly. I seem to be purging my guts lately, the anonymity is wonderful in a way.

When I will learn few things, I will share with you.

I understand you

That means something, the same to you.:) (thank you)

Best, Whirlwind

 

[Springer80]

I understand wanting to be physically and mentally occupied/consumed by a physical task. I understand physical endurance.

I'm not a risk taker unfortunately. I'm not sure if its a bad thing to be honest. It sounds pretty neat. My brother who also went through a lot in our upbringing, races motor bikes to relax!! It's a bit of a joke but its true as well, it absorbs him so totally that it takes him away from everything else. He's very good at it and it sounds like your more than competent. Your not doing anything destructive so please excuse me for asking but do you feel there is a problem? like this activity is a compulsion rather than a pleasure or is a distraction from something important that is causing dysfunction in other areas or has your T decided it must be?

Good luck on the trip by the way!

 

[Shellbell]

For 2 decades after my most severe trauma, I was an adrenaline junkie and I had no idea why. I put myself in high risk situations often and loved all thrill seeking activities. Now I know it's all related to trauma.

I understand that rush of adrenaline and how addictive it is, always pushing you to want more.

I think I've blown my adrenal system, because 10 years ago - it just all stopped. Suddenly, with no apparent reason, I just couldn't do any of the things I had been doing. Now I'm scared of everything, including flying, theme park rides, I'm scared of heights. I've climbed the Eiffel Tower twice in my 20's and loved it. Now I'm scared of heights above 2 floors and feel dizzy and nauseous. I'd always wanted to do a parachute jump. Now someone would have to sedate me to do it. Crazy.

 

[Whirlwind]

Your not doing anything destructive so please excuse me for asking but do you feel there is a problem?

No, its ok, thank you for asking. I am competent. I....am not myself lately so I worry when my T mentions that putting myself in fear is a related mechanism. I am very serious about not endangering anyone. Its a responsibility. Truth is my dissociation, comfort w/discomfort, serves me well in this arena.

I hope you laugh but the guys basically starve at altitude. Me? As woman a woman who loves her chocolate, I eat everyone's rations and barely lose weight! We're stronger than many assume ;)

Sigh.

I was an adrenaline junkie and I had no idea why

This is what I fear. Is it me or something pushing me? I do not chalk up my life to prior manipulation but I do see things, and now with PTSD emerging.....I question myself.

distraction from something important that is causing dysfunction in other areas or has your T decided it must be?

Not sure. He has no experience with this (understandably) and if you have no related experience it does seem extreme but it really may not be.

In the big picture I was surprised he said this adrenaline seeking was potentially trauma based. That concerns me....

because 10 years ago - it just all stopped.

Any thoughts on why? Do you believe it is a return to normal instead of a new anxiety issue? I ask humbly, believe me, I am just trying to figure out my own end.

Ugh. I watched the sun rise around 18000 ft and it was the most incredible thing you have ever seen. The glacier climb in pitch black was suddenly bathed in light. The snow fields were burnished gold. I got a pic amazingly.....it is so beautiful it drops you to your knees...the things I have seen then and since I wouldn't trade for what it is worth.

Whirlwind

 

[Shellbell]

Any thoughts on why? Do you believe it is a return to normal instead of a new anxiety issue? I ask humbly, believe me, I am just trying to figure out my own end.

Whirlwind

TBH I have no idea why it all changed and so suddenly. I literally went from getting a huge buzz from high risk acitivities, to the absolute opposite - being really afraid.

Someone else told me that I'd probably blown my adrenal system, but whether that's true I don't know.

It doesn't feel normal as I am now irrationally petrified of things like heights, so I think you are right that it is like an anxiety issue now. I'm going to ask my therapist further down the track of therapy. I'm only 8 weeks into therapy.

 

[maddog]

Hi Whirlwind.

As others have eluded to, I think there is far more right than wrong about your love of extreme physical activities. In general, I think that intense physical exercise, particularly that which works your muscles hard, is an excellent way of channelling stress, anxiety and pentup tension, is a healthy and absorbing pastime and is basically as therapeutic as anything that can take place in a T's office. I know that for me, the stronger and fitter I am physically, the fitter and stronger I feel mentally, and the link between the two never ceases to amaze me.

I think your hobbies become a problem only when they do stray over that line to including unreasonable risk taking, or if other PTSD symptoms, such as dissociation, interfere with your ability to achieve safety and due care. It sounds to me as though you have a very realistic awareness of such relevant factors and have taken reasonable measures to manage your risks, such as by not taking part in the tech climbing which obviously involves a greater level of danger and a necessity for skill and attention to detail.

While we can only comment on the situation as you describe it, it sounds to me as though you are gaining far more than you are risking by partaking in these activities, and I would applaud you for it and encourage you to keep it up, while maintaining your self awareness and moderating your activities as you are already doing. If you're not fully across why your T has concerns, it may be worth raising the issue with him for further clarification, as there may be factors we aren't aware of which are causing his concern.

Otherwise, I admit to being more than a little envious of your upcoming adventures!

And for what it's worth, I do think that excessive risk taking and adrenaline seeking is quite common in those who have experienced trauma, and I know that in my younger days, I very much fell into this category. Perhaps that is partly the basis of your T's concern, so I would make sure he is fully aware of the measures you have put in place to minimise your risks at this time and that may in turn alleviate some of his concerns.

Maddog

 

[Shellbell]

I agree that physical exercise is great and important and a good way of releasing anxiety and stress. But if it becomes obsessive, then it isn't okay. There's a different between being commited to a healthy lifestyle and being obsessed with physical exercise. I know this as I used to be a gym junkie and it was an unhealthy obsession for me and one I'm aware of containing now that I am back using a gym.

Also, putting too much physical exertion on our bodies is not okay IMO. It leads to medical problems later in life and getting a balance of being fit, but not straining our bodies too much, I think is necessary.

I agree that talking to your T more about it is the way to go :)

 

[JustBe]

This thread has me really thinking. I have always been fearful, never was healthy enough for extreme sports but I spent many years throwing myself into high risk activities. Chaos and crisis felt normal somehow. Once I became a Mom I started avoiding I think to protect my babies. Wow. Never thought of it like that before.