Unworthy.

[Srain]

Privateer,

Great post and very close to my heart..all you question with your wife, same questions I've had all along with my husband; I get why you ask them and why shouldn't you ask them? You think of yourself as damaged goods, possibly? I do.

I held my husband off from marriage for a long time, refused to say "yes" even though he was the best thing that ever happened to me. More so BECAUSE he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was confronted by a therapist (maybe more than 1) who said to me, "who are you to know what's best for him?". He was right, I don't even know what's best for me most of the time, seeing as I was raised by a pedophile and a woman who saw me as "competition" in a nomad environment. I have had to learn a sense of reality through those who really live it, such as my husband. Not too easy after a lifetime of unreality.

You cannot expect to know what's good for you overnight or even how to handle it but you are in the right place to confront it. Good on you for looking at it and yourself. You are not weak or incapable but you do need to learn the steps to accept the love your wife has for you which will come with recovery.

Keep looking and taking care of yourself.
peace and healing,
Rain

 

[p-no]

More so BECAUSE he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Exactly. Used to be like that, too.

 

[Privateer]

I had a talk with her about it. I feel a hell of a lot better now.

I'm sorry about all that, guys.

 

[amethist]

Its good to talk Privateer, sometimes it works.

 

[p-no]

The "like" is for the talking with her! Great you're feeling a lot better. :)

 

[KP the nut]

I had a talk with her about it. I feel a hell of a lot better now.

(((HUGS))) to you both.

 

[Privateer]

I started off this morning wanting to blow my brains out For The Greater Good (tm), but now I'm singing to myself at my desk. I'd say this is an improvement. Hope it lasts.

 

[KP the nut]

but now I'm singing to myself at my desk.

Write it in your 'happy/grateful for book.

 

[LizardViolet]

Remember this moment next time you're feeling like you don't deserve good things. Remind yourself that YES you do.

 

[Trembling]

Privateer - yep, you actually do deserve to feel good, too - also a good moment can change your life! Step by step.

I am glad you talked!

HUG

 

[saffy]

I had a talk with her about it. I feel a hell of a lot better now.

thats fantastic news, so pleased things are more open and positive. You are an inspiration to all those who are afraid to speak up. May your happiness continue into the future with her.

Best wishes
Saffy

 

[Privateer]

Thankyou, guys. I appreciate it. Maybe if I keep going like this I can get back to my normal level of self-confidence in time.

I can handle the flashbacks and hypervigilence, but the self-doubt is the real kicker.