Whats So Wrong With Wanting To Give Up?

[Philippa]

What I find rather difficult is when I know I should be enjoying myself but I can't because I'm stuck in hell observing from the other side of a window or a wall or something. Seeing the good but not being able to enjoy it is misery.

Yes, this is when it seems like there is no point in hanging in there.

To me, if you aren't enjoying yourself in life then there is no point in being here...but that is not the best way to think when in that headspace.

I know the feeling though, and having previously loved and enjoyed my life so very much, it was a very difficult pill to swallow, not being able to any more.

The fact is, it is YOUR life, and you have the power to choose whether you want to be here or not...it's no one elses business.

 

[mamachick]

Sorry to say but who ever told you anything would be fair in life. Please know nighteyes, this is not an attack on you. "Life is not fair" is the first truth you need to get out of your head, nobody said it would be, and to have any expectation of such will only fuel depression, as will any sentence that contains "should".

Victor Frankyl was the one that said "what doesnt kill you will make you stronger" after surviving the holocaust and loosing his wife. I admire that he could gain that from it, but it hasnt worked for me. Best I can do is remind myself "if you cant laugh at it, you wont survive it" and I think that was Bill Cosby.

Nighteyes, I have not raised a child with such health problems or walked in your shoes for a minute, but I do hope that you find a reason to want to live. I attempted suicide and failed at that as badly as I have living. I guess that takes a real looser. None the less, I awoke in a hell hole hospital without any freedoms. No caffeine, no soda, no cigarettes, lock up, bothched suicide leaves you with the reality of what hell is really like. Getting to return home to what I thought was hell was the Hilton.

Yes waking up in a place where the only way that you can tell the staff from the patients is their dress. If you put the psychiatrist in sweats without a drawstring or a pr of hospital wear, you would avoid them the post, as they look the most insane with their blank stare, and you wonder what they are on.

Im sorry for your pain and not much help as Im not far behind you, just trying to remind myself of how much worse it could bet so that I can minimize where I am right this moment.

 

[InHell11]

Yes, this is when it seems like there is no point in hanging in there.

I never really loved and enjoyed my life much before the PTSD, but it's certainly gotten worse it is very difficult.

It's true its my life and I do kind of want to be here but it doesn't seem worth the constant misery, so not sure its my choice whether I can handle it or not. But I am having that addressed professionally soon enough.

 

[mamachick]

InHell11-Im glad you are addressing that. The old me would be doing everything to talk you into all the positives of life, this me just googled oregon and suicide. Only allowed if dr says you only have 6 months to live due to terminal illness-otherwise I would move. Ahhh just another disappointment.

I am very tired of just surviving in physical pain. I am in severe pain and do not see an end to it. In addition to a straightened neck, herniated discs, stenosis, a traumatic brain injury, a broken rib that did not heal correctly, a torn rotator cuff, IBS, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, depression, severe anxiety with panic attack, agoraphobia, ptsd, I have now developed stomach ulcers and vomit blood from meds. And Im not going to the dr about this one. Other than that-I might feel like fighting this battle.

 

[InHell11]

I don't have to deal with quite so much physical pain, mine is more psychological and then the depression, ptsd and anxiety causing physical symptoms as well. Anyways, sorry your dealing with all that can't really offer much advise but yeah its tiring.

 

[mamachick]

The worst is that I can not relax ever, but I cant sleep at night-which is when I was assaulted in my home and I live alone. I am so dependent on xanax just to keep my skin from crawling or head from blowing off. Its acutally painful not to take xanax, but doses have increased. I just dont know how others do it withuot xanax

 

[InHell11]

I really would not mind having the klonopin they prescribed me, since it really did help with relaxing some which I need since I seem to be in a constant state of anxiety, but of course that has run out and I cant seem to get a refill in any rational amount of time. I suppose I can check again today and see if that went through.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am very tired of just surviving in physical pain. I am in severe pain and do not see an end to it. In addition to a straightened neck, herniated discs, stenosis, a traumatic brain injury, a broken rib that did not heal correctly, a torn rotator cuff, IBS, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, depression, severe anxiety with panic attack, agoraphobia, ptsd, I have now developed stomach ulcers and vomit blood from meds. And Im not going to the dr about this one. Other than that-I might feel like fighting this battle.

Hey, Brat! I have most of the things on your list, and the ulcers and vomiting blood is SERIOUS. I've had chemical gastritis, and it's not good. It made it so that my doc began prescribing narcotic pain patches to keep from having to pop so many pain meds. They keep the level of pain acceptable. There has to be a great level of trust between the doc and patient, and I was lucky to have that before my worst pain came along when I had my 4th whiplash injury.

You don't want to add anemia to your list, as it will make everything worse. Just a little FYI from my own experience. Taking iron helped me and I never would have thought of it except my doc did a blood test. Take good care of yourself!

 

[mamachick]

Thanks Angelkeeper
The vomitting blood only happened 4 times in the past 4 months. Projectile comes on quick. I have not even told me dr. I have been complaining of arm pain for over 3 yrs but over the last 2 has gotten much worse. It took from Jan to Oct to get Mri and get a diagnosis of torn rotator cuff. As most of us, dictated by insurance. The stomach problems were just acid reflex or something but I was taking tons of naproxin and it kept getting worse. I read that blood can be very dangerous and is likely ulcer but I cant bring myself to see Dr yet. I already have appt for spinal injections of steroids and appt with ortho surgeon, try to see therapist-life revolves around medical and hate it.

I know you are right. I never heard of chemical gastritis. I will look it up. Thank you for telling me about this. Im also sorry you are dealing with all this stuff too. It becomes overwhelming. I had only one whiplash over 20 yrs ago, which started all the cfid, disc stuff. You take good care too.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

One more thing, some ulcers are caused by a bacteria, which is detected by a blood test, and it responds to antibiotics. So, there could be an 'easy fix', but if you are not taking the anti-inflammatory Naproxin that is good! Injected steroids can affect your stomach as well.
As long as the doc knows the 'whole picture' he/she can treat you properly.

I hope you have a good outcome for at least some of your pain.

 

[mamachick]

Thanks again Angelkeeper. You have alot of good information. I think that it is from the meds though, as it coincided with overuse. I did not know steroids effected stomach. I am scheduled for a medial block? Will see pcp before the injections. I have had a series of steroids for trigger thumb as well.