Anyone Else Go From Normal To Suicidal Within Minutes?

[Tinyflame]

Don't care what they think. Build a new family of peace and happiness with your H and kids. (((((Hugs))))).

 

[just me here]

I can empathize with the whole family=distress dynamic.

My breakthrough moment was when I realized how long I had been trying to gain their approval and how little I had received. When a dose of approval was given, I was expected to pay it back by tolerating more disapproval, by tolerating their cult like religion, by performing physical labor, by allowing my home and family to be invaded by their personal demands and lack of consideration for our family.

Once I realized that I had wasted so many years trying to gain their approval and decided to no longer seek it, it was a very short time before they decided to withhold everything and ex-communicate us. (Unless, of course we jumped through a few new hoops).

A year and some months later and I have enforced the terms they laid out. Tomorrow night all of my kids and their husbands and girlfriends will be here for dinner just like we have been doing since they all moved out on their own. So nice to not be getting calls today asking if grandma and grandpa will be here. Everything is so much better without them, and is getting better as their memory fades.

I still feel some of the echo's of sunday school lessons about honoring your father and mother, but I can easily rationalize the situation- They started it! If I was to call them up today and invite them over for dinner tomorrow, my kids would make excuses to not be here, there would be no way to get through the day other than just tolerating them till they left. Its an A/B decision, a functioning family with my wife and kids at the cost of a lost family relationship with my parents, or the stress having an ongoing relationship with my parents affecting the family I have made here without any help or approval from them. Easy choice.

Hope this helps. you are not alone britt.f7

 

[KBE]

Oh Britt, my husband always knew when I'd talked to my mom. Eventually he started bailing me out of phone calls. When I finally told him I was feeling suicidal, he was really supportive (thank God). It's your call, but if your husband is perceptive enough to pick up on your family dynamic, he is likely someone you can talk to about suicide.

I suggest creating a code word to get out of family situations/phone calls. You say the word and your husband suddenly needs your attention. In the mean time, hang in there.

 

[mamachick]

I have had a lot of adversity in my life, and any thought of suicide was very fleeing. Not even SI, more a fantasy of not waking up, but situational and not lasting. Ever since and assault 4 yrs ago and the diagnosis of ptsd, I consider it everyday. Some days more seriously.

Pro's of suicide:

I am single, that in itself is not bothersome totally, although not choice-I have no hope of having a significant other in my life-I am too damaged. I attract sociopaths

My children are grown now, I have done my job and they are happy responsible adults.

Due to a brain injury, I can not work in the field in which I received my masters degree as an adult. I sacrifice much to gain this, and it was a waste.

I cant find any purpose for living

I might be lonely-but Im too out of touch with my feelings to recognize, and since I dont trust people, I am accepting of my isolation.

I have no family, and after isolating-lost all friends

I have relieved stress through gambling, creating further problems. Its a distraction from my negative feelings however temporary.

I feel guilty for being so unproductive. I feel like a burden to my family

I feel hopeless and helpless-and have steadily for 4 years

I dont expect any better. I dont deserve anything good. Nothing good will happen

My health is poor, much of my own fault. I buy cigarettes instead of food. I watch tv instead of exercise. I have no motivation to change. Im exhausted.

Nothing I do makes a difference and never will

I am good at nothing. I am stuck.

My therapist says I have a family curse on me from generations back. I dont know how to fix that.

I just dont want to be here anymore. I dont know how to change that.

I have no structure-awake with nightmares, up all night, sleep all day. Feel guilt for it, but suffer guilt for everything-things I have no control over.

When I try to relax or sleep, my mind races. I have some panic attacks.

My family would be better off without me

I have no faith in returning to the person that I was

I have never felt validated for not recovering from the assault in my home. I have failed even though I have tried

I have no self confidence, and not even the strength to fake it.

I have little trust in humans in the physical world.

Cons of suicide:

It would hurt my children. It would increase their chances at some point in life. They might feel guilty.

While it is a permenant solution to a temporary problem, my problems have extended beyond temporary

 

[rightkindofme]

Cons of suicide:

It would hurt my children. It would increase their chances at some point in life. They might feel guilty.

While it is a permenant solution to a temporary problem, my problems have extended beyond temporary

My problems have gone far beyond temporary. I don't have a year of my life that doesn't have things like rape, major car crashes resulting in my brother being killed, moving upwards of six times, five new schools, more rape, more rape, poverty, homelessness.

I think a lot about why life just seems to work this way sometimes. I wish I could believe in God so I believed there was a plan. I think that if there is a God overseeing my life then I want to hunt him down and shoot him in the face. It had better f*cking not be part of anyones plan that I have a life like this. :(

 

[Britt.f7]

Right kind of me, I believe in God, but I also believe he gives us free choice and that the harm that came to us is because of this free choice. Not our choice but the choice of others. They didn't have to go their route but they did and we have suffered for it. I don't know why I have never been mad at God, maybe that isn't rational. Maybe I should have been.

I'm not sure what I believe in as far as "God's" plan. I have a hard time believing his plan was for us to suffer. However, I have a sister who believe's in God's plan. She is losing her house and believe's it's all apart of his plan and so is joyous over it. While I believe, it wouldn't have to be if she would have been responsible and paid their mortgage(it wasn't because she couldn't). But, to each his own.

I'm sorry about everything that happened to you. I wish you wouldn't have endured all you did. I'm glad you are here though.

 

[Eric Gault]

It happens to me every day. I can't remember the day I wanted to live all day. My moods are a rollercoaster.

I guess you are strong enough to endure all the trials because you are alive until today. Not only illnesses and diseases are deadly, also depression and anxiety can cause death also because of suicidal, I too experience that kind of feeling, but I know I can't do it, I still have many things to do in the future.

 

[LSNP]

I do this all day, every day. In fact, I was Googling "rapid cycling" just this morning.

 

[LSNP]

It's sort of sick to realize I am feeling a tiny bit better by reading that other people are experiencing this same crap. Misery loves company. I'm sorry I am happy you're in as much pain as I am in.......

 

[Abstract]

I can honestly tell you, that you can recover and near remove depression completely from your life, unless its biological, which is extremely rare. I suspect you have what pretty much we all have, a-typical depression, which is mood based. Mood affected by PTSD symptoms. You can actually still have PTSD symptoms and remove depression.

Thank you for this Anthony. I think I have had a lot of success with this and this is what I have thought. But self doubt is a biggy for me. So much of depression comes from our thoughts doesn't it?

 

[Katz2]

I went nuts:) one day with myself, thinking I want to kill myself, and so I thought, come on then lets do it, so I went to a really high bridge, and I said to myself I'm not moving till I stop this, or jump if you really want to, what stopped me from jumping was, this thought, I would rather feel than not feel at all.

I do have that feeling still from time to time, it's when I despair.

 

[LSNP]

Losing your fear of death is a means of subintentional suicide - just like being an alcoholic, smoking, over-eating, using drugs, being anorexic. Whatever it is you are doing that will help you cease living - because suicide represents the cessation of the psychological pain - represents suicide per Schneidman.

I had a lifelong terror of death until what happened happened. I don't, anymore. I welcome it. This post hit home HARD to me. Wow. Just wow.