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Touch / Physical Holding
- Post starter Pencil
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piratelady
VIP Member
As SoL and LNF were speaking to, it is common and somewhat expected for a patient to develop feelings for their therapist. However, if you throw touch in the mix (outside of a handshake or hug afterwards) it can really muddy the waters and exacerbate the symptoms the patient is developing. I think the idea is to discuss the feelings developing so the patient can successfully get back into the world and develop those relationships outside of therapy. Touch...it just muddies the waters IMHO.
Now, when I replied earlier about my not wanting to be touched, it was said that perhaps that is exactly what I need to work on. That is very true, however I believe my therapist can help me work on that without any form of touch in the therapists office; just as he has talked me through learning to have friends and identify healthy relationships. It's all done with talk and action on my part outside of therapy with those in my life.
Now, when I replied earlier about my not wanting to be touched, it was said that perhaps that is exactly what I need to work on. That is very true, however I believe my therapist can help me work on that without any form of touch in the therapists office; just as he has talked me through learning to have friends and identify healthy relationships. It's all done with talk and action on my part outside of therapy with those in my life.
I just wanted to say how much I have appreciated and gained from this thread, which, while controversial, has been very respectful and constructive. I could have "liked" pretty much every post, and given that such differing opinions have been expressed, I think this is representative of what a delicate and multi-layered and individual issue this is. It's particularly relevant for me right now, as I have enormous issues with physical touch and am currently working with a variety of therapists in a hospital setting, all of whom have different interaction styles on a number of points, including touch. The complex turbulent effect that this is having on me is, in part, reflecting all of the points, both good and bad, that have been made in this thread.
Sadly, as with pretty much everything in my healing journey right now, I'm not at a point of really knowing where I'm at yet, or what I ultimately believe. But it felt validating to read this thread and to reflect on my own experiences with a bit of objectivity, so thanks to everyone who has contributed.
Maddog
Sadly, as with pretty much everything in my healing journey right now, I'm not at a point of really knowing where I'm at yet, or what I ultimately believe. But it felt validating to read this thread and to reflect on my own experiences with a bit of objectivity, so thanks to everyone who has contributed.
Maddog
- Post starter
- #52
Okay, I understand all of this and if this is what someone believes would benefit them, more power to them. However, for me, it would creep me out. I can barely deal with the hug at the end of a session. I, also, do not like massages from anyone. Do I have touch issues? Why yes I do. Even if I read that this was the best thing next to sliced bread, I wouldn't do it. But that is just me. I certainly wouldn't knock anyone who feel they need it or could handle it.
Hi pencil,
Thanks for starting this thread. It is such a controversial topic and I think that touch being offered by the therapist definitely should vary on a client by client basis. I am a big proponent that a therapist should be willing to be flexible and meet the client's need for safe touch in regards to what is helpful and therapeutic for that client. I have heard to many stories of clients being hurt and disappointed by a therapists strict boundaries of no touch. Rules that tend to bother the client so much that the client spends more time and emotional energy focusing on why the T will not offer a comforting touch instead of focusing on the real the problem, the trauma.
My T does offer touch. He will offer a comforting hug at the end of a difficult session, he has sat next to me and has put his arm over my shoulder after I've shared upsetting details, and he has offered to hold my hands on many occasions. Each of these kind gestures of human contact have been very powerful in my healing. For me, it reassures me that I am not so tainted and f'ed up that no one would want to touch me after the disturbing details I have shared. His kind touch lets me know it is safe and ok.
I come from a background of attachment disorder, DID, and CSA. Personally, I think the touch has been the most healing in dealing with my attachment disorder. As a child, I hardly received any kind of caring physical touch from my family, including my own parents. My T is showing me that it is ok to receive comfort in this way.
I do not confuse him touching me by thinking that it means more then it does. I do not mistake it as sexual gesture or that he wants to be more then friends. I understand that he is my T and not my friend, but it does not mean that he does not care for me. He has told me he cares for me and him being willing to share comfort by touch in the therapeutic setting helps me to believe that he does in fact care.
Like others have already said, it comes down to what the individual is most comfortable with and if it would be therapeutic for them.
Thanks for starting this thread. It is such a controversial topic and I think that touch being offered by the therapist definitely should vary on a client by client basis. I am a big proponent that a therapist should be willing to be flexible and meet the client's need for safe touch in regards to what is helpful and therapeutic for that client. I have heard to many stories of clients being hurt and disappointed by a therapists strict boundaries of no touch. Rules that tend to bother the client so much that the client spends more time and emotional energy focusing on why the T will not offer a comforting touch instead of focusing on the real the problem, the trauma.
My T does offer touch. He will offer a comforting hug at the end of a difficult session, he has sat next to me and has put his arm over my shoulder after I've shared upsetting details, and he has offered to hold my hands on many occasions. Each of these kind gestures of human contact have been very powerful in my healing. For me, it reassures me that I am not so tainted and f'ed up that no one would want to touch me after the disturbing details I have shared. His kind touch lets me know it is safe and ok.
I come from a background of attachment disorder, DID, and CSA. Personally, I think the touch has been the most healing in dealing with my attachment disorder. As a child, I hardly received any kind of caring physical touch from my family, including my own parents. My T is showing me that it is ok to receive comfort in this way.
I do not confuse him touching me by thinking that it means more then it does. I do not mistake it as sexual gesture or that he wants to be more then friends. I understand that he is my T and not my friend, but it does not mean that he does not care for me. He has told me he cares for me and him being willing to share comfort by touch in the therapeutic setting helps me to believe that he does in fact care.
Like others have already said, it comes down to what the individual is most comfortable with and if it would be therapeutic for them.
- Post starter
- #55
quaintpapercut
Gold Member
A lot of interesting insight, thought and perspectives :). Some made me laugh out loud as its spot on with how I feel about touch in therapy - I would probably drop dead from panic if my therapist tried to touch me. Even when I leave my T's office there's a wide berth between us with the thought of any more proximity between us causing me to internally freeze. I have a lot of issues surrounding touch and I recognize that. I have a really difficult time just allowing my boyfriend to comfort or touch me when I'm upset and I feel very safe with him.
I had a very negative experience with a massage therapist as well. I had developed trust and rapport with him and began to see him more frequently as it was the first time I felt so comfortable with someone touching my body. I was so relaxed during my time with him that I would frequently float away into a very enjoyable dissociative state. Unfortunately it caused me to miss some creepy clues that an otherwise "normal" person would have picked up on and it resulted in very damaging, unwanted and confusing sexual contact.
I'm not saying that touch isn't okay, its just not okay for me based on my history. I echo others cautions for those that may have been abused as a child or prone to dissociative episodes.
I had a very negative experience with a massage therapist as well. I had developed trust and rapport with him and began to see him more frequently as it was the first time I felt so comfortable with someone touching my body. I was so relaxed during my time with him that I would frequently float away into a very enjoyable dissociative state. Unfortunately it caused me to miss some creepy clues that an otherwise "normal" person would have picked up on and it resulted in very damaging, unwanted and confusing sexual contact.
I'm not saying that touch isn't okay, its just not okay for me based on my history. I echo others cautions for those that may have been abused as a child or prone to dissociative episodes.
koru_kiwi, I'm so jealous. I also have attachment issues, and touch is something I missed out on. If my T would give me a hug every once in a while, I would be so much happier and be more able to focus on the trauma and stuff instead of why he's refusing to give me a hug every once in a while. (Especially since he told me he would, and then changed his mind when I asked for one during a very rough patch....still makes me angry because he should have kept his word!)
- Post starter
- #58
That makes me really angry, Noah!
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- #60
That makes me even angrier!
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