Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Shellbell]

I am worried about you avoiding T and isolating. Big hugs Abstract :hug: I hope you will be ready to have more T when the time is right.

I think if I had T before this year, I would have done exactly the same as you, refuse to talk about it, denied any of it affected me and pretty much got nothing from it.

It has taken a huge crash of severe depression and severe PTSD symptoms by Aug this year, for me to face up to accepting that people around me are right and I seriously need T and medication.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks Shellbell :hug: Am working up to a thread to discuss it. I have some weird stuff going on.:rolleyes:

If I think about it now I am :x3: embarrassed and actually :roflmao: if I look at it in the right way. I have been so furious with therapists. Adamant. Thought they were stupid. Thought "how dare they try to tell me how I feel or felt" and I had zero emotions connected to any of the things that happened to me. Still dont for most. Its laughable if I look back and I almost feel I should hunt them down and apologise. But thank goodness I learned so many other things that I did not have to admit to having been abused to do so.

Sometimes I think big crashes as awful as they are can be our body and minds way of helping us. It can feel far from it but I do think there is a point where our brains say "this is enough and I am going on strike and showing you the truth!"

I too very much struggle with no longer being that super productive apparently together person though.

 

[Shellbell]

I think you should start a thread about it. And I will support you all the way :hug:

I hope you don't have a huge crash to start back at T, but I understand what you mean about it being our minds way of saying - okay enoughs enough, I need help and now.

My super productive self is well gone. The difference in my capabilities now is crazy. I don't recognize myself now. But, it's like my brain is shutting down anything that isn't absolutely necessary until I give it the help it needs. Hey now I'm talking about my brain in the third person :rolleyes:

 

[Abstract]

I don't recognize myself now. But, it's like my brain is shutting down anything that isn't absolutely necessary until I give it the help it needs. Hey now I'm talking about my brain in the third person :rolleyes:

:laugh: Yes you are and I am too. But actually it helps me feel some pity for the poor thing. I could be more understanding and nicer to it.

I don;t recognise myself at all in so many ways. Coming out of denial is excruciating as I have had to mourn the illusion and try to accept this new self that the outside world sees. I am unreliable, disorganised, forgetful anti social and the list goes on! The very basic stuff in life has become a challenge and as soon my self judgment increases the situation worsens. I am trying to accept that my body and brain knows and is demanding what they need and that is a good thing. It works sometimes!

I think the disintegration is a definite unfortunately as I am slammed by intrusive stuff when I attempt to do anything. But am accepting of that.

Oh and thanks:shy:

 

[Shellbell]

You and I have so much in common.

And yes, coming out of denial is horrendous. It does feel exactly like mourning the illusion that I was 'normal' when no-one ever thought that anyway. I've always had people call me things like 'kooky' and 'special' - people like me and think I'm nice etc, but not normal. So, yes coming to terms with what other people see - especially now is downright fear inducing. So, I hide away a lot of the moment, trying to stop everyone seeing the really messed up me now. Even finding out my husband has always thought my mood swings were pretty bad for the last 12 years was a shock.

Speaking of our brains - I feel like I should give it it's own name lol - is using dissociation well at the moment too. It wants me to deal with it, but very very slowly and not any faster than it can cope. And I think that's a positive strategy.

 

[Abstract]

I relate to a lot of that! I have discovered that I am not one to like looking what I call "weak" but which in reality is I suppose vulnerable. Hate it and I have no choice which is hard. I do think it is another aspect of denial and for me I seem to specialise in denial of all flavours and designs.

I think Mr Brain probably does deserve a name; having gone disrespected for so long. Wise strategy it seems to have. Slow but steady. The safest way to do it.

 

[Shellbell]

My Ms Brain (I'm off men atm, so my brain is female ;)) is not letting me have it any other way, dissociation being her protection strategy of choice :rolleyes:

Ah only on this Forum would I let these feelings be known lol :eek: :) :whistling: :x3:

Funny how I can say more here than I can ever verbalise....it really is like pre-exposure therapy!

 

[Abstract]

Ms Brain it is and rightly so! :tup: Its good she is putting her foot down with you as who knows what you would get up to if she didn't! :wideeyed: I know exactly what I would be doing and despite myself.

Ah only on this Forum would I let these feelings be known lol :eek: :) :whistling: :x3:

I am like this to an extreme. The lengths I go to hide it and them is ridiculous! And in T it is normal for me to average 2 or 3 minutes talking per 50 min session. :oops: So thank goodness for pre-exposure pre T therapy!!!:rolleyes:

 

[kk406]

Shellbell,
I understand how you feel. I'm very sorry for what you are going through and feeling, but I'm proud of you for the fact that even though you feel you are broken beyond repair, you are still putting forth the effort to overcome it. I don't see it as denial, I see it as hope. You are stronger than I am.

 

[Pencil]

Today I would agree that some people are just too damaged to heal.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think it comes down to choices. Some people want to get better and seek out real solutions to their problems. Others choose to remain stuck and use things to self medicate which complicates their problems. I think the ones that choose to take on the persona of the abuser are too damaged to heal.

I think healing is possible for all people who are working on themselves. They will always be affected my symptoms but their lives will be a whole lot easier. Overcoming it is possible. Just my two cents.

 

[Shellbell]

Shellbell,
even though you feel you are broken beyond repair, you are still putting forth the effort to overcome it. I don't see it as denial, I see it as hope.

Thank you Kipra.

I do know I am damaged beyond full repair, but will do what I can to gain as much healing as I can.

Gizmo, I think is right, it is a choice to make as to how much healing we achieve.