Therapist Said I Was Too Stressed For Therapy

[VT86]

Up until a month ago I was going to a psychologist regularly. At my last session with her, she told me that I was too stressed for therapy. She wanted to do EMDR sessions weekly, but ever since we started doing them I get terrible migraines and have suicidal thoughts. I asked her if we could skip the EMDR that week because I had to be functional at work, and after a session I am far from functional.

She suggested that I quit my job due to the high stress it brings. I told her that I wouldn't do that. I actually like my job and it is my only link to the outside world right now, and the only way I can financially support myself.

When I refused to quit she told me to cancel the rest of my sessions and not to come back until I was less stressed out then dismissed me, ending our session early. I was speechless and didn't know what to do except get up and walk out of the room. I cancelled the remaining 3 appointments I had made, and left the office in tears.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Is this a normal reaction from a therapist?

 

[maddog]

Good grief, what an inappropriate and unacceptable means of addressing a difficult problem. No, thankfully this has never happened to me, but I never cease to be horrified by some of the grossly unprofessional behaviour I hear about from those who have to endure it. Sadly, Ts are just people, meaning some are great at their jobs, some are appalling, and most are somewhere in the middle. Yours definitely ticks a few too many of the "appalling" boxes.

Whether or not she was right to flag your current levels of stress and/or your job as requiring addressing prior to continuing with therapy is not the issue here. If she had concerns about these factors then she has a responsibility to raise them with you in a constructive manner designed to help you to deal with such barriers. Giving sweeping and simplistic advice to you about quitting your job and then all but turfing you out of her office is unacceptable regardless the origin of her concerns.
I'm very sorry this happened to you. There are good Ts out there and you deserve one. I hope you're able to find one soon.

Maddog

 

[VT86]

Thanks maddog.

She was the first and only therapist I have ever been to, and this experience has left me more wary than I already was. She was supposed to be and expert at helping PTSD sufferers. I already have a huge mistrust when it comes to medical professionals. This just cemented that idea for me.

I've been doing some reading on the forums prior to joining, and I'm seeing that some of the other things that she did were questionable, like doing EMDR on our first session, before I had any coping mechanisms in place. It has made the thought of trying another EMDR session frightening.

 

[piratelady]

I agree with Maddog. Many things she said were completely inappropriate. First of all, it is not a therapists place to tell us what to do. They should guide us to make our own decisions so we can learn to navigate our lives one day without a therapist. Then, of course to tell you to cancel all other sessions until you got your stress level under control is ridiculous. Why can she not help you learn some coping skills? That is just crazy to me.

I am sorry you went through this. Please know that not all therapists act in that manner. I hope you are able to find a more competent therapist who can help you.

 

[NIKI]

I would not go back to her office. I hope you don't. That was unbelievably rude of her.

 

[Maggiemay]

*hugs*

I finished therapy a couple of months ago purely because financial constraints of the stupid NHS. I was meant to have 20 sessions, she pushed in to 27 in the end but couldn't justify any more.

I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with complex PTS & BPD & said that she needed to transfer me to the trauma service. So, we wrote a very detailed referral, being very honest about my struggles. They replied, having rejected me saying I was too complex, unstable and frustrated, needing to work on relationships. I was gutted as in the letter they also agreed with the PTS diagnosis but we're refusing to help me :(

I ended up going back Royhoy my therapist I saw 8 yrs ago in desperation. He agreed with the trauma service, but explained it differently - my instability and complexity is as a direct result of my BPD. Anyway, he's head of the whole service & still is unsure what to do with me, not helped by ridiculous waiting lists when I need help now.Sigh. He's referred me onto a woman therapist to work on my traumas, but threatened that I need to be watched like a hawk & if I become worse and BPD symptoms resurface ironically has to stop.

Really quite gutting. But I know how you feel, it's incredibly disheartening.xxx

 

[faraway]

Wow VT86, that's terrible. I am so sorry that you have experienced this kind of lack of empathy and understanding from the one person who's supposed to give this to you. I really hope it doesn't put you off trying to deal with things and that you find a better therapist soon.

It's mind-boggling to me that they would dismiss you for being too stressed - is not their function to help you deal with this?!?!?!! To give an example, my therapist did EMDR with me on our 8th session which, despite me thinking that it did nothing at the time, has sent me into a pretty awful downwards spiral and I'm really struggling now. When I saw him on the next session, he profusely apologised for doing the EMDR too soon. He explained his rationale for doing it, but sees now that it wasn't a good idea. We are now working further at containment and stabilisation issues before we go back to processing. I tell you this only to say that, whilst therapists aren't always perfect, they should always be empathetic and want to work with you at every stage.

Good riddance, I say. I hope you find someone better soon.

 

[anthony]

Is this a normal reaction from a therapist?

I would say it was quite apt for your therapist actually, especially if you're in a stressful job, then therapy itself creates more stress for you... it would be simply illogical to continue treating you.

Trauma therapy must be done by meeting specific prior requirements, being:

1. Removing and getting stable any drug / alcohol issues first,​

2. Ensuring your environment is stable because therapy is going to heighten symptoms, therefore you need a stress free life as much as possible to handle trauma therapy.​

3. Having adequate relation / grounding techniques in place before trauma therapy begins.​

​

If they aren't met, then trauma therapy could be considered malpractice, to be perfectly honest. They would be putting your life in danger by continuing to treat you.

Trauma therapy is not the same as day-to-day counselling / therapy to keep your life in check.

 

[piratelady]

Anthony, the part I don't get is when the therapist just said not to come back until she was less stressed. Wouldn't it be better to try to help the person get a handle on everything rather than just issuing an ultimatum?

 

[anthony]

A therapist can do one of two things:

1. Take your money and con you into believing they can help you reduce stress, even though you have PTSD and are in a high stress job, or
2. Be honest and turn you away until such time as your environmental stress is reduced to what they consider a safe level for trauma therapy.

Again... it comes down to the therapists integrity and the specifics of the situation. Its like sending a person to rehab that admits the moment they get out, they're going to the pub and drink again. That is the exact same thing when you're talking about traumatic stressors. There is a difference between counselling a person in a high stress job without PTSD versus trauma therapy for someone in a high stress job with PTSD. Not even close to the same thing.

 

[VT86]

Anthony thank you for giving me a different perspective on things. I don't forsee quitting my job any time in the near or distant future, so I guess I won't be going to see her again any time soon if ever.

I guess my main problem was she seemed to get upset when I asked if we could skip the EMDR session that week(knowing that it was going to be an usually stressful work week) and refusing to quit my job right then and there pushed her over the edge and she was finished with me. Her parting words were after telling me not to come back were "Don't quit. Pretty soon you'll just have a meltdown at work and get fired anyway."

This is a little off topic from the original post, but she has stated to me from the very beginning that she doesn't need to know what my traumas were. As long as I did EMDR, I would be cured of my PTSD. We did an EMDR session within a half an hour of me meeting her. We never worked on coping techniques, grounding, or anything of the sort first. I ended up in the ER with a migraine and had a severe panic attack while there. After the second session I ended up hospitalized for suicidal ideation. When I again brought up at my last appointment that the past EMDR sessions gave me severe migraines and suicidal ideation to the point of being hospitalized (which just traumatized me more), she shrugged and said "I'm sorry, but this is the only way you will be cured. Let's begin..."

 

[VT86]

Really quite gutting. But I know how you feel, it's incredibly disheartening

Maggiemay, I'm sorry that you also having a difficult time with therapy. :( I hope you can get through the NHS process and get the therapy you deserve.