Is This It?

[Deleted member 1860]

I look at my life and think to myself "is this it?"

I can't work, can't go to school, can't handle any relationships (I have no friends, no significant other).

The truth is that I'm not getting any better even though I try. I know I'm a burden on my family. I know I'm a bother. I KNOW things would be better for everyone if I was no longer here. I have no one to traumatize if they find me dead. Hell, even "society" thinks I'm better off dead because I'm one of those who thinks I'm owed something because I'm on disability, ie "benefits".

Really, when you have nothing, no future, are nobody to be missed, is there a point in living? I don't think I can take any more of this.

 

[OliviaMadison]

Whoa, suicide is NEVER the answer. EVER. Even if you think people wouldn't care, they would. Believe me. You're family would be traumatized, any old friends you may have would feel terrible for not being there for you..
If you feel like you have no one, go out somewhere, talk to people, hell, talk to me. I'll listen to what ever you need to say, even if you think it's completely stupid. I'll hear you out.

Feet better.. And stay safe(:

 

[Ayasha]

I may have never met you in person, but I am your friend.
And I know right now you feel this way but I promise it will pass and you'll remember the positive aspects of life. It's hard but anytime I feel the way you do right now I keep telling myself that this will pass.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The thing is, it may pass for a bit, but it always comes back.

And no, nobody cares. If they cared then I wouldn't have been ignored, hung up on, and waked away from tonight when I went to them for help. If something happens they can console themselves with the fact that they showed they didn't care when I needed them.

 

[OliviaMadison]

Hmph. You do seem like you have no where else to go.. But that still doesn't mean you kill yourself. No one is meant to die like that. All you have to do, is pretty much lash out on your parents. They might actually listen to you. Just lay it all out. Everything. Then they might actually pay some attention to you..

Sorry you feel this way:/

 

[Ayasha]

I care. I know it may not seem that way because you can't see me right now but I really do care. Please, rant/cry/talk/do whatever it is you need to do to feel better but please do not harm yourself.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I feel that way sometimes and you know what I do? I say 'f*ck you' to every person who ever told me I was worthless. Even if I am starting to believe it deep down, I still have a right to be angry about it. Because my life was ruined for me. I didn't get into drugs, I haven't abused anyone or anything. I didn't choose the abuse that happened to me, so these problems...screw them and the people who caused them.

Usually, if I think that long enough, it provides the fuel to push through the crappy moments when I want to give up. Because I'll be damned if I prove the people who said it was me, that I wanted it, that it was all my 'imbalance', right. They were and are wrong. I deserve to live and so do you, whether anyone cares or not. That's their problem, their loss, their stupidity.

Some people view their lives as a success because they have a big house, two cars, 4 kids and money to spare at the end of the month. Well, you survived hell and you're still alive. That's YOUR success and it's more than a lot of people can say. They graduated college? So? You're alive. That is so much bigger than any degree or job.

 

[Shellbell]

The times that are better when it does pass, are worth the struggle. The really dark times do pass. They hurt like hell, but they do pass.

I do think people care about you and would miss you. People don't/can't understand what you have been through and continue to struggle through and don't give you the support you need, but it doesn't mean they don't care.

And I care. I don't want you to do anything bad.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I honestly don't believe they would care. I believe that if people do in fact care they need to show it when the person is alive. Not cry about them once they're gone. Nobody IRL shows that they care about me.

I was thinking about writing a note but it would be so venomous that nobody would read it. So what would be the point? I'd even be silenced in death.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry to bother you all. Just forget I posted anything.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think in times like these it's so important to find a reason to carry on for ourselves. To remember that we are part of the collective of people we think doesn't care. We have to learn to live and stand even when alone. And as depressing as it is to realize, in truth a lot of us have lived the majority of our lives 'alone' already. It's just more apparent now than it was before. But we made it then(even if by the skin of our teeth), we can make it now.

You are strong SOL. You really are. You sitting there, typing instead of giving in proves that. You made it this far, take it one moment at a time and you will keep moving. Do things that are manageable one at a time. Time will pass and so will these feelings and you will look back and see what you did when you thought you couldn't. You will see it, but I know it's hard to think about that. So focus on the now, what you can do now. The rest will follow.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Sorry to bother you all.

You didn't bother anyone. You have a right to a voice. We care and so we're here.