How Do I Remember Trauma?

[anthony]

I have been asked to try and recall memories that were traumatic for me. The problem is I can recall plenty of times when my parents were emotionally abusive towards me, but as I have become desensitised, I cannot now recall what is traumatic.

Emotional abuse is traumatic IF done over a persistent duration. That is the definition of emotional abuse... being durational abuse where emotional / verbal abuse is used versus physical. It is the longevity of events that make it a traumatic event. So in essence, you do remember already.

Not sure what desensitised has to do with it, as desensitisation is not about memory, it's about your response to a memory / event. You desensitise your response, you don't remove it from memory.

Memory is extremely subjective, meaning that time alone allows lesser emotional memories to simply dissipate from you. Strong memories that you have a strong emotional connection with, you carry with you and recall. The rest... they simply dwell away and can no longer be ascertained as accurate.

Don't try and remember everything, that is a failure in the making, let alone a whole lot of false memories being created and stored in memory. Instead... focus on what you do remember. Work on the memories you have and their attached emotional responses. When you do that, if there is more within your mind awaiting to surface, it will do so by itself quickly enough. That is when you take notice and then work on the next memory.

Repeat process. You work on what is bothering you most, now... today, recently. All the rest is irrelevant in the scheme of things until it bothers you.

 

[Abstract]

Emotional abuse is traumatic IF done over a persistent duration. That is the definition of emotional abuse... being durational abuse where emotional / verbal abuse is used versus physical. It is the longevity of events that make it a traumatic event.

Anthony, if you feel inclined I would love to know more. For the sake of knowledge rather than it being personally relevant as the stuff that I am struggling with resides in a different direction. I had not realised that emotional abuse over a period of time could be traumatic. I would like to know more. I am assuming that a verbal threat of death for example could be different and could fall under the usual guidelines. Thanks.

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo and Shellbell, thank you very much! Very helpful to hear this all as more knowledge more power. Since I seem to be terribly avoidant of even the stuff I am totally aware of and always have been :rolleyes: I would be extremely unlikely to go looking for anything!!! :bag: But these flashbacks do bug me I have to say. I mostly pretend to myself I am not having them - my solution for many things it seems :rolleyes: - but it is good to think of what would be problematic before I speak about them to a T. I guess our brains know what they are doing and what we can cope with.

Gizmo I have come across someone who was in treatment with multiple people who had similar experiences to you and that later sued the institution for false memory syndrome. She said these people went from struggling slightly to falling apart completely. Very scary. It seems to me that it is possible to repress memories but they need to come up spontaneously to be believable and avoid this.