How Do I Remember Trauma?

[Shellbell]

I know that suppressing traumatic memories is absolutely possible, as I know the period of time I have no memory - 3 years, I was in the hands and complete control of a very sick psycho, and it would absolutely have been traumatic.

Having flashbacks without clear memory of the actual event must be very confusing and distressing :hug:. I don't know what my T would suggest about that. Would be interesting to know how to deal with that.

Hugs ((((Abstract)))) :inlove:

 

[Abstract]

Thank you both very very much. :):inlove:

I don't have time no but will come back. One day if I can actually string a sentence together in t and get back into T before that I may be able to get some answers. :rolleyes::alien:

 

[piratelady]

There is a lot from my pre-teen and teen years that I do not remember. In fact, I have no memories at all of my step-dad and he helped raise me for 10 years. He is simply absent. I do have a lot of feelings about those years though, I simply do not know the cause of those feelings.

What I have done is begun to try to talk about and process the feelings, and just accept the loss of the memories. It has helped quite a bit, although I still have a long way to go.

 

[JustBe]

Gizmo said :
" I think as long as you are aware of the possibility of false memories it will not happen to you. It is when we are unwaware that we are in danger."

That is a fear I have to deal with as well since there is so much lost time that I have emotional flashbacks about but no memories.

 

[Abstract]

I think a therapist implanted false memories in me. I suffered and struggled with them for years.

So I only go on the ones I do remember. It took a huge chunk out of my life. All of those wasted years and grief over nothing. The mind is so powerful in what it can do.

Dear Gizmo,
Thank's for this information and for sharing. If you don't mind saying more I would love to know a few things:
Did you have flashbacks or intrusive memories relating to the false memories?
Did they differ from ones that related to your real memories.
Was there any sign that they were falso or did they feel ecactly the same in general?
Did she hypnotise you or did she suggest things and then push you to remember them?

One of my ways of possibly denying what happened is to be convinced I have false memory syndrome. Anything to fuel self hatred and avoidance.

 

[Abstract]

I know that suppressing traumatic memories is absolutely possible, as I know the period of time I have no memory - 3 years, ... and it would absolutely have been traumatic.

Dear Shellbell,
Thank you! It does actually help as if someone else has experienced it then it is possible for me to. I don't do well when I experience things that should not be possible.

The flahbacks I have are more fragments than full flashbacks and only include certain senses and/or sensation. I am never there 100% so I have limited information from that too. But a strong sense of something having happened.

Interesting to hear story too Piratelady. And Movingon.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I will try to answer your questions.I had intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. I remember it was not very much. They suggested to me that there was too much blood in my drawings. So they suggested satanic ritual abuse. Yes they differed from my real memories. They were just flashes of things happening not at all like my real memories. They did not feel the same now that you mention it. She hypnotized me but nothing came out of it. I finally quit that therapist. I have not had any more of the false memories. I only remember the abuse that was in my childhood.

There was a movement about satanic ritual abuse and once I heard about false memory syndrome I became suspicious. I feel alot better now. But at the time it was all very real. I figured out that I am really suggestible and I have to guard against this.

I like thinking for myself now. It has made a profound difference. It really made a mess out of my life at the time. I hope this helps.

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo,

I am so very sorry to hear about that. :( I have heard of exactly that type of scenario but never met anyone who actually experienced it.

I am horrified that they would say your drawings had too much blood and actually suggest ritual abuse when you had not. What a conclusion to come to. And from what I know hypnosis is a big no no too as we are extra suggestable during it.

If you don't mind answering did the flashbacks and intrusions come before the suggestions or after? It's more than a bit scary that one can have flashbacks or intrusions of things that haven't happened.

I am very glad you managed to get yourself right and can totally understand why you would be influenced by a T saying these things. It must have been very frightening. :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

They came after the suggestions. I am very suggestible. It is a flaw of mine. I have always been naive, gullible, vulnerable and desperately needy. It was a very bad chapter in my life. It made me distrust therapists. I do not take suggestions from them anymore. I only deal with what I remember.

The false memory syndrome happened to alot of people. It really messed me up. I was trying to get people to believe me and I wonder how much common sense from people I missed.

The minds capacity to conjure up images is phenonamal. I do not believe in digging for repressed memories. My sister got messed up with that one too. But she still believes they are real memories. We do not talk about it anymore. I am very skeptical of any theraputic movements anymore.

We have to be able to think for ourselves when in the therapy process. We have to go by our gut instincts.

Never again will I accept a therapists pronouncement about what they think happened to me. I was raised to be the perfect victim and I still struggle against that. I hope this helps.

As for me, I would want to focus on the memories I do have, not the ones I do not.

 

[Shellbell]

That's what made me trust my T, she doesn't want to dig for memories and only wants to deal with the memories I have. And my gut tells me this is the right way to deal with it. She did say that more memories could come up through processing trauma, and we will deal with that if it happens.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Shellbell I think that is wonderful. I do not think it does any good to go digging around when we have so much to work with the memories we do have. I am happy for you that you have a good therapist.

 

[Abrasky]

I have had a lot of experiences with memories returning. I've never been able to get the memories back on my own, they have always come after a 'link' was discovered by my psychologist. A link is where the psychologist finds an emotion and puts it in my conscious before I realise it. Then the memory associated with the emotional link comes back over a period of a month. It can take longer.

For example, I had a flashback of coming home and seeing the door. And my psychologist discoered the link for it was feeling 'late'. So she tried to talk me into feeling the emotion of feeling 'late'. The memory came back over a month after my psychologist appointment with the 'linking'. The memory was I came back of arriving home with my mother shopping and being 5 minutes late. My father starts domestically verbally violently attacking my mum with me in between. It was verified by my mum.

The memory of coming home late stopped the flashbacks I was having being on the bus or in the car and coming home. I was able to travel without having panic attacks and flashbacks after getting the memory back of my dad attacking my mum coming home from shopping.

I've had two false memories come up, as a memory later changed what I 'felt' happened. but most have been true and many verfied. The truth of the memory isn't important. It is the processing that matters as when a memory isn't processed it is PTSD and doesn't go into long term memory. My psychologist said when a memory is processed it will go into long term memory. The false memories haven't even been really bad. One was just thinking something happened at a different time. The other was thinking my mum didn't support me in the kitchen after I was attacked. Her memory got mixed up with what my memory of my dad did.

I know a lot of psychologists I have seen didn't like this therapy of' linking' and refused to use it because they were afraid of being sued ect. But I am working 20 hours a week, have a small social life, are a mum of a toddler and the flashbacks are about 80% less in intensity than 12 years ago. So 'linking' it is really worthwhile for me. You can't argue with results.